Firstly, we have to state right up front that there’s simply no comparison between The Zee, and that wannabe poser, Chuck Norris.
Chuck may have a string of c-grade movies under his black belt, but he’s yet to scale the heights of Table Mountain or the depths of Welkom’s, Gold Mine Shaft (just watch out for flying buckets of poo, Chuck).
The main differences between Zion and Chuck Norris are that Zion’s personality has more sides than an Octagon, Zion is more potent and the whole of Chuck’s Delta Force, and that Zion’s never been Missing in Action.
Indeed, to compare our very own Zion to Chuck Norris, would be like comparing a certain president to Ron Jeremy; the one’s a sex-mad performer whose bedded countless woman and who loves being on camera. The other is, well, Ron Jeremy.
So let’s get to it then, our growing collection of Zionisms that make Chuck Norris look like the fifth member of the Teletubbies.
When Zion pushes snooze on his alarm clock, we all drift off to sleep.
When Zion puffs on a reefer, we all get stoned.
When Zion sends Santa a letter, we all get presents.
When Zion moon’s a passing car, the tides turn.
Zion’s appetite is so big that when he eats, nations go hungry.
It was Einstein who originally suggested dropping Zion on Hiroshima.
At the Olympics, Zion did the high jump, and never came down.
Zion never dials a wrong number, it’s only you who answers the wrong call.
Zion organised a small party once, when it was over, they called it Woodstock.
Do you know any others? Let’s have them.