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Zuma Juju

02 July 2012, 09:01

Sung to the tune of ‘How do you solve Problem like Maria?’ from The Sound of Music

How do you solve a problem like Malema

How do you catch the clown and pin him down

How do you stop him making fun of Zuma

A many-wived pres, not even a clue clue, a clown

How do you solve a problem like Malema

How do you stop him ruining all your plaa-a-ans?

Curiouser and curiouser! The man who would kill for Zuma now seems to be sorry he didn’t just kill Zuma. It would be amusing if it weren’t so tragic. While they bicker, the country teeters, leaderless.

So we’ve now seen part of Zuma’s re-election strategy, and it seems to be aimed at parting the working people of this fair country of ours from even more of their hard-earned money. Although in the case of the whites; stolen money.

As one of the leading comedians in this country, Pieter-Dirk Uys once said. ‘It’s so easy to write political comedy in this country: you just have to repeat the political statements verbatim. If they don’t make you cry, they’ll definitely make you laugh.’

Fortunately, we have Pravin Gordhan to tell us how good e-tolling will be for us. We need people of his calibre. How would his budget speech go?

Good morning. I’m the Minister of Finance. So there!

People complain all the time that our back are against the wall, but I tell you, it’s a good place to be, because from there we can only go forward. People also complain that exports are down, and that is nonsense, because I can categorically state that in 2011 we exported more doctors, engineers, scientists and other professionals that any country in the world! And South African flags! Although they are made in China. Still, we do export them!

Now, to get down to brass tacks. The Brass Tax we are going to be imposing, is to counter-balance the negative sensibilities of those silly overseas investors who want to withdraw their funds. Do they not see the opportunities here? With our BBBBBBBEEEEE programmes and our large force of unemployed youth, we have a vast, untapped pool of labour to tackle all the tasks at hand and build a thriving economy for the ANC and their partners. And what is good for the ANC is good for South Africa!

Is that fairly accurate, or is too harsh? Or not harsh enough?

You tell me.

After all, I’m not a politician, just an observer and, as such, not qualified to speak on the issue of R2bn private jets for the pres. Fortunately, the ANC occupies the moral high ground: after all, they denied the Dalai Lama access to our fair country. What with all his human rights abuses, it only makes sense to do so. Criticising the Chinese, or the ANC, is human rights abuse. It’s racism, pure and simple.

And Juju is somehow still popping up in the news, whether President of the esteemed ANCYL or not. Like a bad penny, he just keeps popping up and, who knows, he might just derail Zuma’s chance at a second term.

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