PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
GonzoMike
 
Comments: 7
Article views: 1117
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all GonzoMike's badges.
 

Zuma Vs Malema

19 June 2012, 10:27

Imagine, Dear Reader, a sinister parallel universe much like our own; a world where South African politicians, rather than relying on their abundant wit and eloquence to settle political issues, engage in bloody one-on-one skirmishes. I envision a world where great steel domed cages adorn government yards and political rallies. In such a world, physical prowess and leopard-like agility would determine who will lead and who will be mopped casually from the ring floor with a Verimark Floorwizz.

In our hypothetical alternate reality, imagine, Dear Reader, our two most revered political figures pitted against each other for the prize of ultimate reign. Imagine, if you will, massive billboards on every city block declaring in six-foot metallic letters: Julius Malema vs. Jacob Zuma: The Ultimate Deathmatch.

The forward thinking reader may already have foreseen the several problems existing within this scenario, not least of which is trying to get the two fellows to arrive on time for their melee. How do we get these less than punctual gentleman to willingly appear at the last good fight they’ll ever know when we struggle enough to get them to a legal hearing on time with the full authority of the Supreme Court at our backs?

No matter. Let us continue our brave thought experiment, regardless. The snarling opponents, stripped to their waist, face off. For a split second all is unnaturally still, South Africa’s breath seems caught in its throat, before the two rippling man-blobs tear into each other with the aggression of frenzied mongrel dogs. It’s a good thing Zuma had that shower, because there would be little to protect those in the front row from the buckets gore splashing about.

Before the battle continues, let us analyze the physical attributes of our courageous warriors: Malema’s strict Heineken bulking diet has given him the weight advantage, but Zuma’s resemblance to Laurence Fishburne’s character, Morpheus, from the Matrix, should be a good indicator of sound Martial Arts programming. Let us further not forget that both men have received rigorous training in the more militant wings of the ANC.

Malema, young and ruthless will stop at nothing to win; Jacob Zuma, powerful and cunning, has years of experience on the young berserker. The crowd roars with menacing enthusiasm, shouts of blood-thirsty glee and cries of “Finish him!”  Who will be left standing in this political mortal combat? That, Dear Reader, I shall leave up to your own perverse imagination.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
7 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
ohomen171
Here comes Trumpcare

People buying health insurance are enraged over high premiums and high deductibles. Trumpcare will move to address this.  Read more...

0 comments 459 views
Submitted by
Wena Funane
Tired of people like Dean Hutton

I took a hard and long look at it and I fail see anything that resembles art, all I see is a person with a jump suit covered with racist slurs most likely struggling with identity and obesity problems. Read more...

0 comments 250 views
Submitted by
PeterTracey
Dear white people

It took me a very long time to write directly to you as I’m doing now, I wanted to make sure that I was not being too harsh nor too lenient on you, just as fair and as just as I’ve expected from you all my life. Read more...

0 comments 766 views
Submitted by
ohomen171
The very sick patients in the US

I honestly believe that we will see Trumpcare charge this tiny and expensive minority very high insurance premiums that they can’t pay or push them back onto the states.  Read more...

0 comments 122 views
Submitted by
MikeHampton
Silly Red Sale Shopping Season At...

A walk through your local shopping centre will probably find you experiencing the same VERY RED SALE advert attack I had in Knysna Mall. Read more...

0 comments 130 views
Submitted by
Marang Lesedi
No dispatch from Aleppo?

The ‘trusted’ news media that once painted our TV screens with harrowing images of Aleppo have seemingly moved elsewhere for stories more newsworthy. Read more...

0 comments 53 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.