there is always someone who has loved you long before you became aware of what you wanted from love. someone who embodied the corinthians kind of love for you, and you stupidly let it go, because you were not aware that love indeed should be like that.
someone who cared for you despite yourself, and remained thus, and did not change, and that person let you go to search for what you thought you wanted, and ultimately let you return back to them.
that person does not judge your decisions, and does not crucify you for your error of judgement, and cares for you when you do not want them to.
that person looks stupid to you because you are looking for cool, and cool only makes you cry, and after a period of searching for cool, which turns out to be quite uncool, that person starts to attain the status of cool in your eyes, because their love is the real mccoy, and because you have looked everywhere and slowly realise that you made the biggest mistake of your life but letting them go, you tuck your tail between your legs and you go begging back, hoping that person is still as you left them....stupid.
there is someone who allows you to say what you feel like saying, and still remain set in their own skin because they are completely sure of who they are, and are not threatened by you being yourself at all. someone who talks to you all day, all evening, all night, and still has something more to say to you the following day, and does not bore you at all. there is someone you can walk in front of with all your imperfections, and they still find somethig so attractive about you, and makes you feel like the only perfect being on earth, someone who honestly tells you when your clothes don't fit right, not because they are criticising but because they want you to spend the day comfortable in your skin.
this person tells you if you displease them, without rancour, but with empathy for your discomfort, and believes honesty is the main ingredient, the flavour, and not the price.there is always someone who runs when you call, because they do not want you to search and feel like they are not there, and they do not recount that you do not deserve it, but do because they care. someone who loves you and understands that you do not know what love is, but doesn't mind that because they can love for the both of you, until you get there.everyone has that person in their life, wether they find them or not. whether they realise it or not, deserve them or not, want them or not.
everyone has someone who makes them ashamed of their selfishness, arrogance, and big ego, and makes them want to be a better person for the whole world.i must say it is a humbling experience to be loved for yourself, just because you are, and not have.
and everybody in their lifetime will experience this love, sadly, some of us will only realise after it has passed and may not come back again. some of us will realise just before we lose it, and make amends. some of us will realise when this person is gone forever and is but a figment of one's imagination or memories.i want to say to this particular person in my life : i am aware. and i am ashamed, because when you loved me my head was big and i thought i was too good for you, not realising you are too good for me.
i undermined your love so many times and did not realise the best thing would pass me by and i would stupidly let it go. i have no right to call on you, or to be loved still by you, yet you love me anyway, and i am humbled by that.
i want to say that you did not deserve the arrogant me you had, or the very apologetic me you have now, yet i am pathetically pleased that you still want me as i am, with the battle scars i have now, that i did not have before i so deftly turned my nose up at you.i want to tell you that you are a big person, for you did not change.
as i left you is how i see you, except now my eyes are open, and instead of uncool, you seem the only reality there is. i can only wonder how come i was so blind before, and i can happily sob at the fool that i made of myself. i realise that you have always given me the best of yourself, and continue to do so, unerringly, and it is an honour to know you, and to be loved by you.
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