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Tyronehster
 
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oooffffooo!

18 February 2013, 20:37

It wus still as cold as a witche’s teat down in the holler, an’ Abner an’ Buford had to git outa th’ house where that writer feller run way fum, ‘cause other people wus movin’ in.

Nice fireplace, with a chimbley an’ all, and warm as a possum’s belly. They wus awalkin’an’ amutterin’ to theirselves, when Buford said. ‘Abner, kin I ask y’all sumpin?’

Well’ Abner, he wus mighty pleased t’ hear that. Buford bin’ lordin’ it over him since he done tol’ him about th’ cabin up in th’ gap. ‘Shore thing, Buford. Whut y’all wanna know?’

‘What in tarnation is a UFO?’

Abner hooked his thumbs in his braces an’ said, ‘Well Buford, whut it is, is flyin saucers?’

‘My maw’s always throwin’ saucers at my paw, and they neve done called them UFOs!’said Buford, shore his laig wus bein’ pulled.

Abner looked at him, squinchin’ up his eyes. ‘Y’know, Buford, sometimes I thank ya do it apurpose.’

Buford looked at him, all confused like. ‘Do whut a'purpose?’

‘Pertend like you don’ know stuff.’

‘I ain’t pertendin’ nuthin, Abner! I cain’t thank why you cain’t jes call a saucer a saucer, ‘stead of givin’ it a fancy name!’ he protested.

Abner gestured to a rock, all nice an’ sunny. ‘Let’s set awhile over there; I’ll ‘splain it t’ you.’

They pulled theirselves up on that there rock, an’ it wus real cosy like, with them big ol’ sunbeams fallin’ on them an’ warmin’ their bones.

‘Y’see, Buford, this is how she goes. They's aliens whut lives on other planets, an’ ever now an’ then they like to come here t’ earth t’ abduct people and give some people one up th’ ol’poopshute.’

Well, I tol’ you Buford had big eyes. They wus bigger’n saucers now. ‘Yore shorely joshin’ me, Abner, I ain’t never heard anything like that in all my born days!’

‘Ya thank so? Go ask Bobby an’ he’ll tell you. His wife wus abducted, and she wus gone two whole years in alien time, but on’y one night in earth time, an’ that there alien done give her a baby, and y’ kin see it’s alien, cus it’s got a brown skin an’ orange hair.’ He leaned closer t’ Buford. ‘Y’see whut I mean?’

‘But why ain’t nobuddy seen ‘em?’ asked Buford.

‘Whut in tarnation y’talkin’ about? Plenty people seed ‘em! But I tell you whut.’ Buford leaned closer. ‘Th’ guvmint don’ want nobuddy t’ know. They keepin’ it a big ol’ secret.’

Buford shooken his haid.’ Why in tarnation they gonna do that?’

‘Cus they got this place, Area 51, where they done captured a alien flyin’ saucer, an’ they ain’t tellin’ nobuddy, cause they wanna make weapons fum that there flyin’ saucer.’

Buford shook his haid. ‘I really thunk you wus joshin’ me, Abner, I really did!’

‘Nope, Buford, I wouldn’ wanna do that. Whut if one a them aliens landed here an’ wunted t’ abduct me? I need t’ know that I a’ways got a witness f’r a time like that!’

‘Y’shore would need witnesses f’r a time like that, Abner, you shore would. But why d’ they call them UFOs?’

Abner frowned a mite, an’ then said. ‘I thank it’s th’ soun’ when they go over, like oooffffooo!’

Buford nodded. ‘Y’shore are smart Abner, y’shore are smart!’

Abner nodded t’hisself. Yup, that book larnin’ shore wusn’t no waste of time!

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