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The Dork Continent
12/03/2008 09:26  - (SA)  

Want to know more?
Answerit can help.

Chris Roper

Being a columnist in South Africa must be a little bit like being Hugh Hefner before they invented Viagra. He had all these gorgeous Playboy bunnies wandering around with their ears wide apart, and he must have sometimes thought - god, they're all so juicy, which one should I choose? Aaargh!

I feel the same way about all the fantastically kooky stories lately. There are so many of them, and they're all so attractive if you're a columnist who likes making fun of things - I need Viagra for my column. So to speak.

I mailed an investigative journalist of my acquaintance, describing my dilemma and hoping to get some counselling from someone who actually has to go find news, rather than just make fun of someone else's hard work. This is what he wrote back:

"According to CNN so many people are taking Viagra and peeing it out, that the water supply in large parts of the US is now contaminated with the stuff. Anyway, what you are describing is what we macho investigative types call 'a target rich environment'.

"Actually we don't call it that, because we are all about building democracy, but we could.

"Also, did you know, when the fox gets into the henhouse and rips off the heads of hundreds of chickens for no apparent purpose it is not because he is evil, it is because seeing so many targets triggers his kill sensors, and he effectively has no choice but to keep biting heads off until the frenzy subsides..."

I'm not sure how useful that is as advice, but I do like the idea of biting the heads off chickens, and before you send me the usual hate mail, I'm not referring to those of you who are expats in sunnier, albeit wetter, climes.

The chickens I have in mind are the likes of the Reitz idiots and their stupid video, the nitwits at SA Rugby who hired a coach without settling what they were going to pay him, our perennial favourite, Jacob Zuma and his apparent support for the death penalty... man, the list just goes on and on.

These buffoons, and the many others before them, are why Africa has been referred to as the Dork Continent since time immemorial. But really, there could be only one winner, as they say in the beauty contests. And that would have to be the SAPS Goon Squad and their shakedown of pubs in Stellenbosch.

Shakedown

Now let's be honest here. Who among us has not wanted to give a Matie student a snotklap upside the head? I thought so. You've all wanted to do it, hell, some of you have even done it, and for that I applaud you. But that's personal. The SAPS raids were institutional, and we're quite within our rights to question what is being coyly referred to as their "heavy-handedness".

There are several ironies at work here. The first is, given that some of the kids in those bars are probably eagerly looking for opportunities to move to a country where they don't have to live in fear of crime, it's kinda funny that they should object to the kind of policing that makes those countries relatively safe to inhabit in the first place.

I refer aspirant Green Card holders to one Rodney King, for example, and countless other police brutality cases in the US. And those of you intent on spending your formative years in the Springbok Pub in London will also think apprehensively of the police state that will be monitoring your drunken meanderings when you leave said pub.

The other irony - and I have Mevrou Lategan of Somerset West to thank for this insight - is that the sort of policing that the hapless Maties were subjected to is probably about par for the course for any drug raid on a house in Mitchell's Plain. Actually, she put it rather better: "Now they know what it felt like being a black person in the 80s."

So this is the equality of the new South Africa - everyone has the right to be beaten by the cops until they display their rainbow-coloured bruises.

No sides to take

But as funny as these ironies are, they're not quite funny enough to take the side of the SAPS in this, as much as I'd love to do so just to irritate my many colleagues who attended Stellenbosch University. Because, like many of us, I can't quite shake the feeling that our Police Force is so pressurised, both financially and psychologically, that the potential for them stuffing up something like this is too great.

At least when the LAPD smack Rodney King, he eventually stays down. (Ha, imagine writing that sentence in an American newspaper. No Green Card for me!)

Also, I don't want to be forced to live in a Police State. But perhaps we have no choice anymore, because of the crime rate? In the same way we're forced - by circumstance, I hasten to point out, rather than by that malevolent force known to some of you as "The Guvverment" - to employ our own security companies if we're lucky enough to be able to afford it, we might have to get used to a Police Force that smacks first and refuses to answer questions later.

  • Chris Roper is the Editor-in-Chief of 24.com, and obviously a graduate of UCT.

    Send your comments to Chris.

    Disclaimer: News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

    - News24



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  •  
         
      True but...
    12/03/2008 09:44
    I agree with your article but with regards to the police in the US..they are fantastic dispite the Rodney King thing which happened ages ago. SA Police would learn alot from the US police as far as investigations and responce times. Police there have an ETA of 5 miniutes or less. Here we would be lucky if they respond in 20 to 30 min. Our police need to do what they did in Stellenbosh BUT they need to do it in places like the Cape Flats where Tik, murder, rape, and child abuse runs rampant. - Me
     
      Excellent!
    12/03/2008 10:14
    Love your work!!! This is the best column I have had the privelege to read in a long time - keep up the good work! - L
     
      Chris Roper is the Editor-in-Chief of 24.com?
    12/03/2008 10:15
    And your point is...........????? - May Windsor
     
      Tyring Again ... MORE!
    12/03/2008 10:29
    Chris, please write more columns! I really enjoyed reading this column and agree with the odd irony of it all. So many chickens to bite. - italic_s
     
      Then leave if you do not wish to make a difference
    12/03/2008 10:32
    What you fail to acknowledge is that there is always more than 1 side to a story. Hence your story is subjective, shallow and hardly worth the read (bored old me eh?). Based on all the comment concerning crime, etc, I personnaly think that Comrade JZ has been quite astute in calling for more debate on the death penalty... Does this then mean that people may infer that he supports the death penalty? - saliem
     
      RODNEY KING Murdered
    12/03/2008 10:34
    Mr. Roper how can you make fun of the suffering of Rodney King ? this man was killed by three white LAPD police men just because he was a black man and for you to mention the name of Rodney in your article and not condemn his brutal murder on the hands of these white racist cops is just proof to me of your character. Watch the brutal murder of Mr. King on the internet and then decide for yourself if the joke were appropriate. Murdered - colin
     
      Great
    12/03/2008 10:42
    You have some great staff there, but I think what is happening is not good I think AS THE MEDIA YOU SHOULD EXPOSE MORE OF THESE ISSUES SO THE CALPRET WILL HAVE NO PLACE TO HIDE. - xolani
     
      King MURDERED , Colin?
    12/03/2008 10:43
    Colin , King did not die.He was arrested because he was a suspected DUI (Drunk driving. He resisted and then was assaulted. He sustained injury , but did not die. Rodney King had a criminal record as long as the ANC's NEC. He was not attacked because he was black. You poor people !!! - Blitz
     
      laugh or cry?
    12/03/2008 10:48
    I don't know if I must laugh or cry? The upside is that the UK does not seem any better towards SA people. Where SA drops the requirements to give addresses to SARS, the UK considers to request: ID, telephone, address, credit card nr etc. In future they might want your matric certificate, marriage certificate, wooley's card, proof of race and gender and all of this because 2 guys flew into some ugly US buildings a long time ago. - Benzo
     
      Spare the Rod
    12/03/2008 10:51
    Oh come on Colin, the joke is about America. I'm sure Mr King won't mind me using his death to highlight the potential for such abuse happening in SA, especially since he's alive. And dear May Windsor - you really don't know what the point is? Of me being an Editor-in-Chief, or of my column? - Chris Roper
     
      Colin - WTF??
    12/03/2008 10:54
    Really Colin - STOP commenting on stuff you obviously know nothing about. Not everything is race related. Get a life already. All you do is add fuel to the fire every time you comment - it's painful. This column was brilliant! Thanks Chris! - Lon
     
      The Dork Continent
    12/03/2008 10:54
    Get your facts right before start exposing your lack of knowledge to us all. Rodney King was never murdered, yes he was assaulted severely but he later recovered and filed a lawsuit and was awarded millions in damages. However the sons of the devil who assaulted him walk scott free cause of the racist US administration. Remember the LA riots? That was as a result of King's assault. Class dismissed! - Rodney King
     
      Agree with the very first comment
    12/03/2008 11:00
    "Me" makes a good point. Why are police only raiding nightclubs with kids - how about beating the crap out of serious criminals as well. Its also funny that the UFS video is mentioned again (YYYAAAAWWWN)- If only the rapes and murders in this country could enjoy the same attention - maybe we would get somewhere. As for the death penalty - at least it will make all these cowboys running around think twice before they go on like they are above punishment. - CVM
     
      Colin is a nob
    12/03/2008 11:00
    Colin, you condemn Chris's article but you dont have a clue what youre talking about. Go and google Rodney King and then come back and apologise. Idiot. - John
     
      Saliem, Saliem.
    12/03/2008 11:04
    Where have I not acknowledged that there is more than one side to a story? for example - Zuma's side is there, he's pro-killing people. Mine is there, I'm against it. - Chris Roper
     
      @ Colin
    12/03/2008 11:06
    Rodney was not murdered but beaten up by police for resisting arrest, driving under the influence and evading police officers. Rodney King is a joke and a criminal. Colin, do a little research before making stupid, inaccurate comments. You just proved that you're an idiot. Must be so hard to be black in this world.. shame! - DHV
     
      colin
    12/03/2008 11:07
    Hey colin....go live up in Africa with the rest of your kind and see how the cops beat you up depending on the wim of the darkie in charge. The blacks in SA have a VERY GOOD life because of the kindness of the whites. Compare this to the lives of yhe comrades in the rest of Africa. - rick
     
      Rape, Murder, Abuse - Shakedown, choice?
    12/03/2008 11:08
    Personally, I think we should ask a rape victim, a mother who's husband son was murdered, somebody who was abused for years: Would you prefer to be raped/murdered/abused/fill-in-some-other-crime... or would you prefer police to be a bit more hardass and have Shakedowns? I promise you, they'll choose the policing option. - Sarel
     
      Bolg spots
    12/03/2008 11:09
    It's more fun reading reader?s posts than reading the actual story. Chris, the column is great don?t get me wrong, but everyone?s 2cents of the story is so well ?interpreted?. Rodney King Dead??? Ha Ha!! That?s what I call picking up stompies? - Jo
     
      What is really ironic.....
    12/03/2008 11:14
    ..... is the fact that EVERYONE (except for Colin living in his parallel universe) is actually agreeing - Chris Roper- you diabolical GENIUS!!! I wonder if the "right" people will ever get to see this article? - CVM
     
      consider yourself Lucky
    12/03/2008 11:19
    I sit here in my native country of namibia and I read all the gumph that people have to say about the SAP, Sadly it seems that you have no idea of what poor police service is, I have on many occasions traveled to SA and believe me the amount of police presence that you find is far better than in some other countries in Africa, the police on all the occasions that I have dealt with them have always been willing to go the extra mile - c
     
      ha ha
    12/03/2008 11:19
    It's heartening to see that irony is alive and funny in a small corner of the Dork Continent. Give us more rope(r), I say! - dorky
     
      Colin
    12/03/2008 11:21
    go to this website. It explains all. http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/lapd/kingarrests.html - hjs
     
      No, No Chris - YOU miss the point
    12/03/2008 11:22
    While your view on the death penalty is clear, what entitles you to say that Comrade JZ is pro this? You make this assertion, simply on the basis that he suggests that the DEBATE on the issue should be opened to the public. This is so typical of you UCT graduates! - saliem
     
      There is only one colour in the rainbow
    12/03/2008 11:31
    And that colour is red.Comrade RED the colour of blood,communists,socialists and facists comrades saliem/colin etc.Great article chris your attempt to inject a bit of wit has obviously confounded the usual peabrained suspects. - psycobabble
     
      Colin is very quiet now.....
    12/03/2008 11:33
    Hey Colin, I know you are all red faced and feel really stupid at the moment but be a man and apologise for being a racist who jumps head to first into conclusions! - Whatever
     
      Diabolical genius?
    12/03/2008 11:35
    Well, that's going on my cv. Thank you, CVM (which does not in fact stand for Chris's Valued Mother). - Chris Roper
     
      Dork Article
    12/03/2008 11:37
    Aggree with comrade Saliem. I am sick of these racist attacks on comrade JZ. He is at least listening to the voice of the peoples. If we people want the death penalty, we must decide. That is not the domain for white writers like mr Roper. - justice
     
      Dork and even dorkier
    12/03/2008 11:37
    I sometimes imagine the aliens (if they do exist) look down on our little green and blue earth through their spaceship window. In my imagination they look at us as we would do with DSTV. There is the American?s with their little war in Iraq (Action Channel), England with their history and royalty ( History Channel) ?. When they look to the most Southern part of Africa the are indeed looking at Animal Planet? I see my mind how the chuckle as you would watching Chimpanzees at play. We amuse them with our stupidity. There is ?Anti Aids Showers?, the ?Beetroot cure for Aids?, the ? Go to bed early to save electricity theory? and and and?. All I wonder about is whether or not they like their popcorn salted? - Annelize
     
      A necessary evil?
    12/03/2008 11:38
    Personally I believe the cops need to be a little heavy handed now and then. Not that I am condoning it but the cops need to be a little more active otherwise their widing girths will overwhelm them. However, having said that I do empathize with them considering that when they do their jobs, they are reprimanded by their superiors becuase the offender is on the ANC exec list. Yes, I am refering to the Yengeni cop. So I would support it as long as it applies to all who break the law. - Realist
     
      Fancy finding you here?
    12/03/2008 11:38
    Hey Chris Still playing hockey? We're looking for players! Oh yes... fine column. Cheers, Martin - Martin Stabrey
     
      lets ignore the idiot...
    12/03/2008 11:40
    I have come to the conclusion that if any body was as completely stupid as our dear Colin seems to be, they would not have the ability to log on to a PC in the first place. It can therefore only be concluded that he posts this drivel on purpose with the intention of just stirring things up. I therefore suggest that in future we all just ignore him. Maybe, then, he will go away. - greggo
     
      colin you killing me
    12/03/2008 11:43
    i thinkl you really need to stop posting here you are officialy the class clown the jack ass the broken egg so to speak. you are highly uninformed and uneducated i doubt you got any distinctions in your school career. - terence
     
      @Colin
    12/03/2008 11:45
    When they talk about "knee-jerk racists" in columns and comments like this one, they mean you. Yesterday you lambast David Mosely for not reporting on police brutality in the townships when he was probably just learning to walk, and today you lambast Mr Roper for joking about something that never happened. Do you even think before starting to type? Or do you just vomit your stream of conciousness into the comment box? - Anymouse
     
      Dork and even dorkier
    12/03/2008 11:49
    I sometimes imagine the aliens (if they do exist) look down on our little green and blue earth through their spaceship window. In my imagination they look at us as we would do with DSTV. There is the American?s with their little war in Iraq (Action Channel), England with their history and royalty ( History Channel) ?. When they look to the most Southern part of Africa the are indeed looking at Animal Planet? I see my mind how the chuckle as you would watching Chimpanzees at play. We amuse them with our stupidity. There is ?Anti Aids Showers?, the ?Beetroot cure for Aids?, the ? Go to bed early to save electricity theory? and and and?. All I wonder about is whether or not they like their popcorn salted? - Annelize
     
      saliem, a good point
    12/03/2008 11:51
    Now that's a good point, Saliem, entirely unlike your assertion that I don't acknowledge that there are two sides to every story. And I stand corrected. Although Comrade JZ is always looking for his machine gun! - Chris Roper
     
      SAPS Professionals ?????
    12/03/2008 11:52
    I saw a program on Satelite about SWAT in America and how they train. I think the SAPS can learn from SWAT what it means to be professional !! I have NEVER seen a bunch of more UNPROFESSIONAL SAPS in my life, especially the guy running in shooting his shotgun!!!!!! He could have killed someone !! - Chris
     
      LOVE TO HATE - colin
    12/03/2008 11:57
    To all who love to hate me ? I am man enough to admit when I am wrong or made a mistake. Mr. King in fact did not die as a result of the brutal attack on the hands of the LAPD police. I will not apologies to Mr. Roper for questioning the fiber of his character as I believe that the actions of the 3 LAPD police men who nearly killed a human being is not an incident which should be used in the manner Mr. Roper did ? Mr. Ropper made fun of the fact that a human being was nearly killed ? this is no joke. I apologies for my uninformed facts whit regards to the King case but not for questioning Mr. Ropers character. I TANK YOU. - colin
     
      psycobabble - Urban dictionary
    12/03/2008 11:59
    I have at least tried to add value to the debate (do not attribute a standpoint to someone without noting ALL the FACTS), unlike you and Chris. The urban dictionary describes peabrain as "...an unintelligent specimen or human". Also defines it as "...someone who's brain is made of mushy peas". So take your pick... mr mushy! - saliem
     
      Saliem & Colin
    12/03/2008 12:00
    Dude, you really need to lighten up... I came to the same conclusion as Chris (and probably the rest of SA), that JZ was pro death penalty. Why else bring it up? It no longer happens here, why suggest a debate if you don't want things to change? At least Chris graduated Saliem - judging from you remarks that makes one of you. - Lon
     
      Dr Phil - saliem
    12/03/2008 12:01
    Saliem - if JZ opens the debate then what does that tell you? Think about it - he clearly wants something to happen - why else open it for debate. Your response is so typical of non graduates. - CVM
     
      Lighten up, you lot
    12/03/2008 12:10
    It seems South Africans are too highly strung;and we've lost the parts of our brain that help us to lighten up and actually take a humourous look at our otherwise stressful lives.The majority of us appear have a soap box permanently tethered to our ankles and are desperate for any opportunity to shout something at someone. Lighten up. Colin, I get you. - Brad
     
      Dork
    12/03/2008 12:13
    Chris, you are leaving yourself wide open to some interesting comments when you say "You've all wanted to do it, hell, some of you have even done it, and for that I applaud you." Sheesh, can you imagine the next Ikeys vs Maties game? There are going to be some "how's your father?" going on for the imagined sleight, not helped by the "Chris Roper is the Editor-in-Chief of 24.com, and obviously a graduate of UCT". But I enjoyed the column! - Dave Robbins
     
      Touche Chris, but as for you CVM...
    12/03/2008 12:14
    not another UCT grad? You see if you went to a decent tertiary institution, you would not be watching tripe like Dr Phil and most certainly would not write such nonsense. Stick to the FACTS please and let us just think ur stupid instead of confirming it! - saliem
     
      Raids should be raids
    12/03/2008 12:16
    but they need to produce results, otherwise they are a waste of money (your and my tax money by the way). What RESULTS did the raid produce?While the Nigerians are taking over our inner cities the cops bust up some students. Can you spot the misappropriation of a police raid? Getting rid of the Nigerians (drug trade, prostitution, violence, murder, intimidation etc) would provide more tangible results we ALL (black and white) could be proud of. - M
     
      Colin , Colin , Colin......
    12/03/2008 12:19
    The FIBRE of King's character? The man was a common criminal !!! He was a known drug dealer and thief. So , we have now established that he is alive - GREAT ! There goes another one of your stories that you can tell people "how bad the honkies are". If you Google you will also see that King and his family are bankrupt again. This was after they received millions of dollars in damages , book deals etc. Guess what , 6 months later he was arrested again. This time he DID go to jail. - Blitz
     
      EXCEPT...
    12/03/2008 12:27
    Those banged arround were students out having aharmlessl drink & supporting local business. If you raid a club its to catch the owner out for allowing underaged drinking. If they were after drugs, surely the police should be looking for kingpin drug dealers??? Seriously Dude. - Ron
     
      Police States
    12/03/2008 12:33
    In the US the "odd" beating etc. makes headline news. Here it is a way of life and no-one hears about it. In the UK, yes, you are watched 24x7, but if you don't do anything wrong it has no impact on you. Here I wish we had the surveillance that the UK does, and a police force that was front-page news everyt time it used unnessecary force. Maybe then we wouldn't need a death penalty, and maybe it would be safe to walk to school / work / for fun. - Alan
     
      Jz's Apparent support for Death Row!!
    12/03/2008 12:37
    Hey Chris ...tell you what? you can make a good post graduate party and there'll be no guessing who ya (Or should i say "What") your guests will be!Anyway..since you've mentioned JZ's support for death pen , would you also explain how apparent it is.? - Les-Maada
     
      It's not fun to get manhandled...
    12/03/2008 12:39
    Violence of any form is not on any loving, freedom seeking citizens list, but when negative issues need positive attention, so be it... as long as they are justified. With experience, I can say that US cops are intimidating and it works to keep the sheep in a straight line. TO THE MEN IN BLUE: Push forward to the real problem areas... - ElectroMan
     
      Good column Chris!!
    12/03/2008 12:40
    These raids were a joke just like some these responses, firstly the usualt jester Colin, with his stupidity regarding Rodney King. Colin do yourself a favour, if you dont know anything,SHUT UP.I know you probably feel the need to comment, DONT. But today?s award to the DORK of S.A. has to go to RICK. Chris how the hell can u allow such a moron to post such trash on here? I am referring to "go live in Africa?, obviously this idiot is geographically impotent, and just like Colin, he should SHUT UP! - nWo
     
      You see Saliem - and I'm not even from Cape town
    12/03/2008 12:43
    You just did the same thing - me mentioning Dr Phil and you assume that I watch it. TSK TSK TSK - you misinterpreted it - but then again you have not exactly had good luck with understanding what people mean.And as for my tertiary institution - it beats your mothers back yard. Maybe YOU should get your facts straight - and answer the question while you are at it - what do you think JZ intentions are by opening it up for debate? - CVM
     
      ha,ha ...dorkey
    12/03/2008 12:46
    I am with you on this one...the comments are more fun to read than the original article. A harmless form or road rage emerges, no victims other than dented egos. - Benzo
     
      Drug busts
    12/03/2008 12:47
    Helen Zille had it all wrong. As the SAPS have shown don't march peacefully to protest drug selling. Rather just beat up anyone in the near vicinity. And if someone is innocent tell them to contact you in a few days with their complaint, promise to look into it and perhaps then apologise after a couple of months - david
     
      Blitz - LAPD
    12/03/2008 12:49
    What about the character of the 3 white LAPD police men why don?t you question that - they have not fully paid for their crime - do you justify the police to be both judge and jury and undermine the legal system - but the legal system of the USA is also questionable whereby you have video evidence of the brutal attack and the coppers only get a 13 month sentence - what if this was black police attacking a white male, you answer it for yourself. - colin
     
      maybe teachers need to fight back
    12/03/2008 12:54
    so this morning i read a black student punches a white female teacher in the face giving her a black eye in the process, not a word of racism but if this situation was in reverse it would have been another racist scandal concerning whites - terence
     
      we're past '94 hey?
    12/03/2008 13:01
    Although I acknowledge the appeal of ruffling a couple of feathers (excuse the irony when taken in the context of the chicken analogy), one must observe the facts at hand. Firstly, we as South Africans are attempting to move away from ?the 80?s?, and similarly, why would a student wish, in the first place, to know what it was like in that time? They should not be made to repent for acts that they were not party to in the first instance, so hopefully, in future a more credible witness will be utilized. Consequently, this leads me to my second point, that of the psychological element involved for the students of the varsity (of which I am a member), especially those of the female students involved in the ?raid?. Maybe a future article can highlight the procedural oversights of the police, such as warrants and the unavailability of a female officer during searches. Students are most certainly laying claims, and the incident has created a palpable rift between the SAPS and students. - Davide
     
      Must admit . .
    12/03/2008 13:07
    This is one of your better articles. Well done! Like the way you get involved with the forum bickering too :-) Anyhow, the cops were wrong. Their commanding officers should deal with it and most probably will. Expect a press statement detailing the trigger happy culprits put on paid leave pending an investigation. What if someone was killed in this circus of a botched raid? My experience is that the SAPS in the Stellenbosch area has a very prominent "cowboy" element which needs stamping out - Dan
     
      Terence stop politicising everything!
    12/03/2008 13:33
    Terence you old buck, I also read the article, and after reading your comment iwent back and read it again, and nowhere in the article did I find where it said the student was black.i'm so sorry for the lady who got punched, she didn't deserve that kind of babaric treatment. even so, ppl punch others all the time, whites punching blacks and Vise versa. Why do you want to make it political??? maybe your the 1 who deserves that punch after all. - zakes
     
         
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    Focus 1.6 Si 5-dr MY05
    R134990
    HONDA
    1996
    Ballade 160i Luxline AT
    R40400
    BMW
    2003
    318i AT
    R124900
    KIA
    2001
    Sportage 4x4
    R69990

     

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