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I beg your pardon?
25/06/2008 11:23  - (SA)  

Want to know more?
Answerit can help.

Chris Roper

Aargh! This is one of those days when there are just way too many funny things going on in the world. How does a columnist choose? There are so many crazy people doing and saying stupid things, I feel like a kid in a candy store. I mean that in the old sense, of course, as a kid staring in wonder and not knowing what to choose, rather than the new sense of a kid shoplifting.

Our candidates today are led by James Dalton, ex-rugby player, who, according to News24, told a Pretoria lawyer: "I'll f*** you up." Although it's hard to take a man seriously if he can't even say the word fuck, the lawyer is considering legal steps. Why did James want to F*** the lawyer? Because his Miniature Schnauzer barked at Jimbo's dog.

The lawyer says, "I said to James that if he touched... my shirt, I would sue him." I'm sorry, but am I the only one who thinks this is all totally gay? Tiny dogs, fashion threats? Maybe I'm watching too much Ugly Betty.

Candidate number two is Vlado Taneski, a Macedonian journalist who kidnapped, raped and killed elderly women before writing reports about the murders for his newspaper. He then "killed himself." The police spokesperson said, "He committed suicide. He put his head in a pail full of water. It is unclear how none of his cell mates or guards noticed while he was doing so."

One of our young journalists here asked, "How can a man kill himself in a bucket of water?" How the older journalists laughed! Clearly, people have forgotten the 80s in SA, and the inexplicable number of clumsy political prisoners who kept falling out of windows.

Who said that?

The last candidate is Labour Minister Membathisi Mdladlana, for his incredibly ignorant remarks that Chinese South Africans, recently classified eligible for EE candidacy, must now stop ill-treating their workers - as they all do, obviously - must learn to speak English or another South African language, and have to stop using Kung Fu moves when they're out on dates with decent local girls.

Okay, he only said two out of those three, but really, he might as well have kept on running his big mouth off. And he's our winner today.

We can't pick on James, because he'll kill me if I ever meet him, and also, who among us has not wanted to klap a lawyer. And it can't be Vlado, because the News24 editor is going to use him as an example of a hard-working journalist who really goes the extra mile, when next he gives his staff a team-talk.

According to The Star, the Labour Minister appears to believe that Chinese South Africans must now become Coloureds. Here are his exact comments. "They say they can't speak English. Chinese pretend to be dumb, when they are not. We know they are not. Chinese are very clever people. Therefore, if they are coloureds, they can't now say 'I can't speak the South African languages.'"

Chinese might all be clever, the inscrutable little software-writing devils, but the Minister is clearly a moron. As we say in Chinese, daar is geen pille vir domgeid nie.

Appalling

That a minister in our government can claim that Chinese South Africans are all a bunch of crooks who treat other race groups like scum, is appalling. But even worse is his tacit assumption that it's the same for all of us: black people rip off coloureds, coloured people rip off white people, and white people rip off small Germans.

His exact quote: "I hope that they would make sure that they implement and comply with the Labour Relations Act and the Basic Conditions of Employment Act much, much better now that they have decided to classify themselves as coloureds as in the past. One would not expect a coloured person to ill-treat other coloureds, or black people to ill-treat blacks"

I can't go on. But if any journalist out there needs to manufacture a story by dumping a bucket of sludge on a minister, I can suggest a name. I wouldn't go so far as killing him - I leave that to our Glorious and Beloved ANC Youth League, the anklebiters of Zuma - but boy, I'd love to go the bucket of sludge route.

  • Chris Roper is accepting nominees for Ministerial Idiocy of the Week over at www.chrisroper.co.za

    Send your comments to Chris.

    Disclaimer: News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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  •  
         
      Minister has foot-in mouth disease
    25/06/2008 11:39
    Ja,just when we thought xenophobia is only practiced by poor squattercamp residents, our Minister opens his mouth!Maybe he should pay for kung-fu lessons for all of us so we can protect ourselves against dom/dof politicians! - davem
     
      Another
    25/06/2008 11:40
    great article. Just when you think our government ministers can get no stupider, they pull a classic out the hat. - Sharon
     
      Comedy hour
    25/06/2008 11:46
    I wonder when this circus will come to an end. Can some people not rather further their education (ie get matric) than follow careers in politics. Surley they should introduce an entrance exam when you enter parliament that you are at the very least literate and are more understandable than a mango.. - Mike
     
      Another candidate
    25/06/2008 12:03
    should surely be the secratary general of the ANCYL,did any one watch 3rd degree last night?First she basically admits that she will kill for Zuma,then when pressed to repeat it she denies it and says she never said that,her whole interview smacked of arrogance,everytime she was asked for a answer,she went way off the subject and tried to avoid the question,why can't politicians just give us a straight answer? - proud to be white
     
      I am amazed...
    25/06/2008 12:06
    that the ANC (or is it "true" BEE candidates who have no need for a Concourt decision on their eligibility for BEE status?) continuously churn out incompetent, big-mouthed ministers. This is a chap who supposedly sets the example for a labour force, the guy who should be serious about reconciliation amongst races, serious about constructive engagement to integrate all races and to ensure the enlightenment and education of a work force with regards to labour and human rights matters! - Tuffy
     
      Idiot
    25/06/2008 12:06
    Come on Chris! Expect a denial as he either was quoted out of context and been either taken too literally (or figuratively). Anyway if he is not happy with the treatment of the workforce he obviously isnt doing his job. Why did he not act against the "Yellow Peril"? How much do these clowns get paid? (ministers) and does he really think a reclassification of status changes colour and culture? If it wasn't so pathetic it would be really funny! - Birdman
     
      thank you
    25/06/2008 12:07
    for an absolutely entertaining and fabulous read - intelligent and witty. Would you be available for a position in cabinet? I think you may be able to do a better job... - Shay
     
      More for the collection
    25/06/2008 12:07
    Brilliant as always Chris. I'm going to get around to writing about Australian insults next year, but I worry that they won't be as good as generating material as the South Africans have been. - Sarah Britten
     
      Brilliant!
    25/06/2008 12:09
    Great article, it made my day!! - Jaco
     
      Nice one Chris...
    25/06/2008 12:13
    What a lovely Labour Minister we have. Xenophobia on an inter-continental level. These politicians, tut-tut, always trying to over impress the hard work done at grass roots level. - Ryan Matthews
     
      LOL - Chris
    25/06/2008 12:16
    Crazy times call for crazy people.But be careful that he didn't mean it literally and that the forces of darkness have taken it out of context.After all we speak a different english to them.As for the poor old chinese they have grow dreadlocks to fit in now. - psycobabble
     
      This is discrimination!
    25/06/2008 12:16
    What about the poor Japanese citizens? The last thing we want is xenophobic attacks between Chinas & Japs! - TB
     
      Panic in the ANC !
    25/06/2008 12:21
    Yep i am still chuckling over this moron Chris, the panic has set in because white people will soon be applying for coloured status in order to for us to legitimately Klap a dutchman...again Daltons right up there - sean
     
      Ja, no well fine, my china!
    25/06/2008 12:23
    For all the food it does, you may as well have written this article - brilliant though it is - in Chinese. The only qualification to become a politician is to be thick skinned. To rise to the level of Cabinet, you have to add "brain-dead" to the list of qualifications. Why don't Trevor and Geraldine start a political party for people with half a brain? - BEE in my bonnet
     
      Sad state...
    25/06/2008 12:23
    Chris, once again a great article. The sad thing is is that these idiots are running our country. I know we all whine about it, but at least we can laugh about it...if we didnt laught, what would we do? As for James Dalton, I wouldnt f**k with 'the bullet' either! - Jimbo
     
      Greediness makes you nasty
    25/06/2008 12:24
    So the Chinese qualify for a share of the Employment Equity money pot, and Mr surly ANC MP can't handle the fact that other people are moving in on the lucrative affirmative turf. Strange that one race now believes that it is more entitled to benefits than the other races... - Nick
     
      Are they black now?
    25/06/2008 12:27
    Well written article Chris my Man. Chines now are blacks? Oh boy you gonna love this country. But I think it should be clear that if they were also affected by the the old system like black people in this country. It is only fair that they also get help, like Blacks Coloured and Indians. But to say they are black, really makes me laugh not because i am a black racist but because I never heard or came across an South African of Chines dececy claiming to be black before. - Vic
     
      Labour Minister
    25/06/2008 12:29
    What an unsufferable idiot. Really. Yet another little power drunk intellectually challenged individual who is under the impression that the new South Africa is for the benefit of him and his race/tribe only. May I suggest a clown costume for the honourable minister. At least then I can laugh at him without being immediately reminded of the fact that he's supposed to be performing some function in government other than carting around in an expensive car and spouting incoherent garbage. - Wernardt
     
      Comedy is good
    25/06/2008 12:31
    They say laughing is good for your health, maybe we all should visit parliament once a week. We must be the laughing stock of the world. I just have no words. I think Chris said it all. - Amanda
     
      That's the way
    25/06/2008 12:32
    THAT's the way our country is going,THAT is why this country is going the same way as Zim, THAT'S why no-one except retards vote ANC,THAT'S why all whites are leaving and in the proccess just letting the country rot. THAT is why the world looks upon this nation and laughs at us. Peace out. - Danny
     
      Paving the road for Chinese Investor tsunamis
    25/06/2008 12:32
    It's all so dazzling and exciting, but note worthy... for this all paves the highway for the BIG investments that will be docking at our Durban and PE (Eastern) harbours in the near future. Labour Minister Membathisi Mdladlana is now, cleverly running the SA labour laws by the "easterners", so that they know that communist strategies for labour in SA is unacceptable. - ElectroMan
     
      Yes and..
    25/06/2008 12:32
    I would even kill, yes kill for a Steers burger right now. - Point Blank
     
      Surely you're not surprised.
    25/06/2008 12:32
    He is an ANC cabinet minister after all. "If it's not broken, break it." - JD
     
      Yes ! I said it Chris..
    25/06/2008 12:35
    You've also quoted the minister out of context just like any other media Hound does this days.By the way ...did you watch Ms Patta getting knocked out in her own ring by the GS of the ANC Hot Heads League on Etv Last night..?Damn that must've hurt her collegues too,she just quoted Debra out of context!It must be a plague... - Les-Maada
     
      ...?
    25/06/2008 12:40
    Some of my best friends are chinese... ah... and in the 'dark years' they were treated as badly and/or as non-descript as anyone else that was not a nice pale tone. Clearly our minister has a selective memory. As usual brilliant article Chris. - Buf
     
      Klap him bullet!!!
    25/06/2008 12:40
    Poor old bullet cant even threaten a lawyer these days without getting bad publicity. Fight for your little dog's rights bullet. If the lawyer's dog growl at your lil doggy again klap the living daylights out of it...him I mean. - Morne
     
      @ TB - xenophobic attacks between Chinese and Japanese...
    25/06/2008 12:43
    Hey that's EXACTLY what I want to see!! No need for stupid Jackie Chan movies anymore! Just imagine - real life Kung-Fu and Karate fights!!!! There might even be some Japanese ninjas living right here in SA - will make for one helluva show!! - J.O
     
      Asian dilemma
    25/06/2008 12:49
    If I could be granted one question to Membathisi(previously Shepherd) Mdladlana.During the apartheid years Chinese were classified as white and Japanese as black (remember the jockey saga)!The ANC has now reversed the classification - or can Japanese also qualify for BEE scorecards ? It should be fascinating to hear the Shepherd explain himself and his party's policy. - Steve from Bushbuck Ridge
     
      Scramble
    25/06/2008 12:51
    Just imagine the scramble at the top to get representation correct on the high levels. All employee agencies properly getting calls, do you have any Chinese; answer: No, and then no not take away but candidates. - KAC
     
      Forked tongue
    25/06/2008 12:59
    Members of the ruling political party speak with forked tongue. First they are welcoming them in allowing them to invest in Africa (watch out South Africa - they are looking for more space in this world for their billions of people) then they back track with remarks like the Labour Minister makes. Make a decision and stick to it please! - patz
     
      To Les-Maada
    25/06/2008 13:03
    Go and buy urself a sense of humour.Or maybe u r next in line for the minister's job? Great article, Chris! - Werner
     
      how can chinese people qualify for BEE status
    25/06/2008 13:03
    ? - 2 B or not 2 B
     
      Thanks Dude
    25/06/2008 13:08
    Coffee all over my keyboard, my screen, my table... - Hendrik
     
      les maads please explain
    25/06/2008 13:11
    everytime the anc or the government makes a seriously stupid 3rd world remark it's followers and supporters turn in their defence and say it was taken out of context, enough is enough bloody hell. We all speak english here why play games and say something which is meant to mean something else. we all know julius and vavi meant exactly what they said and we all know the this minister meant what he said, why say it then if you dont mean it. - terence
     
      The....
    25/06/2008 13:27
    Evil white supremacist media has distorded the meanings of what he say. Good minister was quoted out of context by evil racist media who is out to get us because we doing such a wonderful job of ruining the cuntry er I mean running the country.... - Mbablahblah Umblebumble
     
      clever article indeed
    25/06/2008 13:30
    especially the way you disguise how you're actually having a go @ politicians and the government.Although i agree that the minister of labour's comments are deplorable, my issue with you is that be genuine and not use your fake a*s subtle sarcasm.What does James Dalton and Vlado Taneski have to do with all this? The person you clearly have an issue with is Membathisi Mdladlana! - the prophet
     
      The colour thing
    25/06/2008 13:33
    Once again proves the point that the ANC is obsessed with colour. In the eyes of the ANC it is the blacks against the others and the others are always bad, wrong and evil. So next time I hear the sentence "non racial democratic South Africa" I think I will get physically sick. - Pangea
     
      WHAHAHA Les-Maada
    25/06/2008 13:34
    You are one of the funniest commentators ever...you should think about stand up comedy for a career as grade 7 will get you nowhere - jannie
     
      Chinese
    25/06/2008 13:35
    I dont know the details, so I could be wrong, but do these poor disadvantaged Chinese people need to prove any kind of ancestry? I mean, can a China arrive from China today and qualify for BEE freebies? Dumb government. - ramone
     
      Les-Maada
    25/06/2008 13:36
    I too watched the show last night,and not once did Debbra get knocked out of her own ring,this woman from the ANCYL looked more and more just like the people in her organization,like a bunch of poephol's,I think whe should nominate her for the poephol of the year award,and like werner said go buy yourself a sense of humeur,and please a brain too - proud to be white
     
      Is he right or wrong ?
    25/06/2008 13:39
    But, but Chris, is the Minister right or wrong about the way some Chinese conduct their businesses? Those who've worked in their factories could tell you a story or two about their business practices. They don?t call their businesses "sweat shops" for nothing. - Sgubu
     
      Amazing
    25/06/2008 13:40
    Chris Roper wrote about three issues here but the first two were ignored bcos they've got nothing to do with bblackness. If it was Membathisi Mdladlana saying the things James Dalton was saying people would be commenting on it. I hate the ANC and will never vote for them. Most of them are corrupt and criminals but I am only stating the obvious here. Black people don't care anymore about racist ideologies bcos we know that's the only way it will make you feel good about yourself. - otto
     
      Labour laws
    25/06/2008 13:43
    Firstly according to the labour laws which are in a toilet,employers needs to register employees but none of the Chinese employees are registered,also their resources are fakes e'g there was a Chinese cargo carrying fake cigarretes in Kzn. - Silo's
     
      Thank you soooooo much Chris
    25/06/2008 13:44
    I'm still mopping up. Hope I'm not too late (remember that song...."Am I too late". Yes unfortunately so many of our V.I.P. have missed the boat, and are stranded on shore....an empty one. What wonderful insight you have. Keep it up please. Laughter is the best medicine, and the buffoons here make such fools of themselves..it's a bloomin comedy. - Alicia
     
      thanks
    25/06/2008 13:45
    Well written, thanks for the laughter chris, made my day! ps. had my little german friend over last night for a good bashing! - Justin
     
      Chris, what a wonderful read...
    25/06/2008 13:48
    ... I loved it. What I also find fascinating, is all the different meanings of "Black". Sometimes, it's only Africans (including those from neighbouring countries), sometimes it's only local Africans, sometimes it's previously disadvantaged, sometimes it's all non-whites, etc. bla bla. To Les-Maada: what the politicians said, is what they said. Don't try to duck and dive the issue, saying that they were quoted "out of context". "Kill" is "kill" - SO IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT, THEN DON'T SAY IT!!! - Mark R.
     
      "Black" Chinese - South African?
    25/06/2008 13:48
    I remember not in the too distant past that this forum hosted several discussions on who is and who is not South African. Most of the comments from pro ANC commenters were that you had to be of Africa since the stone age otherwise you do not qualify. Now most of the chinese I know have been here less than 50 years as opposed to the hwites of 350. P-L-E-A-S-E can someone explain this to me, as I am not well educated in the current thinking despite 2 academic masters degrees. - SM
     
      His Nickname Used to be Shepherd?
    25/06/2008 13:57
    If I'm not mistaken then our illustrious Labour Minister used to have a nickname of Shepherd. But with his mentality I guess his flock must have fired him. - Cynical
     
      Foreign policy!
    25/06/2008 14:03
    South Africa are now favourites to win the 2010 World Cup! We are excellent at beating foreigners on home soil! - Sputla
     
      @otto
    25/06/2008 14:25
    You really think James 'Over-the-hill' Dalton swearing at his neighbour is as comment-worthy as Chinese people miraculously becoming Black? With these miracles happening all around, JZ and Mad Bob should prepare to leave office, cause He must be just over the next rise. - ramone
     
      All sing along now
    25/06/2008 14:35
    For they're are jolly good idiots! For they're are jolly good idiots! For they're are jolly good idiots! And nobody can deny!! Hip Hip Hooray! Welcome to LA LA LAND!!!Pass the prozac please! - Van
     
      Comedians
    25/06/2008 14:41
    No need to get foreign, oops, I mean comedians from other countries, oops, every year for the comedy festival when we have a whole parlaiment full of practising comedians! And the best thing is that we do not have to pay extra for them as we already pay their salaries through out taxes. - Nick
     
      Warning to all you Journalists out there!!!
    25/06/2008 14:42
    You may try & dig out any dirt "if there's any at all" about the Labour minister but i have to warn you though ,do it with caution cuz you might end up taking the Vlado Tadeski route, only difference will be killing your own reputation & expanding your already heavily populated Idiot fanbase thereof! - Les-Maada
     
      Who could be surprised?
    25/06/2008 14:45
    I would think that the common link in the Dalton and Mdladlana cases is unadulterated stupidity. Simple as that. Our govt needs to maintain its status quo of incompetence, too, of course. Saying all Chinese employers treat the workers badly is like saying all black South Africans have criminal tendencies...a bit idiotic, if you will. - Schmied
     
         
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