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on the flip side
29/08/2008 09:18
I recently lost someone very special and close to our whole family. We were with her in the respite facility and i could clearly see that she was on her way 'out'. I insisted that our family stay by her side, the nurses however were adamant that she would be fine for two weeks still. I argued my case, only to be told by the nurses that they were professionals and knew what they were talking about. They convinced my family to go home. We got a call the next morning, she passed, alone! - Gareth |
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Poor bed side manner
29/08/2008 09:33
This equates to poor bedside manner from the doctor. Despite the fact that the common public might not be that accustomed to death, none the less the doctor should have at least prepared you or informed you of the severity of the situation. This is shocking! - Nic the Greek |
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Full Disclosure...
29/08/2008 09:36
Don't let strangers look after your 'best interests', particularly where medicine is involved. Ask every conceivable question and don't be left in doubt. Practitioners are required to provide full-disclosure, but only if you ask! - CrisisOfFaith |
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Similar experience
29/08/2008 09:41
My wife and I lost our baby 3 days after birth, despite the paediatrician telling us that he had 3 similar cases that were going to be fine. The nurses dropped what with hindsight must have seemed to them to be glaring hints, finishing off with "I think you should take some photographs, he seems so peaceful now". That was as close as they got to telling us. Looking back now it seems obvious they are not allowed to predict death, and are handicapped if the doctor is not open. - Gavin |
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That is really sad
29/08/2008 09:42
I am sorry for your loss which must be compounded by you not being there when she passed, its sad that medical professionals can be so jaded - ali |
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ditto for my dad
29/08/2008 09:47
This is an exact mirror of what happened with my father. However, I was not prepared to take a chance and cornered the doctor and asked him if this is could be the end of the line and if I should phone my brothers. He answered honestly that my dad was unlikely to last the night, so at least we were forwarned - but if I had not asked, the staff would never have volunteered the info. It was something in my dad's eyes that alerted me even tho he was chatty and comfortable in a general ward. - jenny |
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Death at the doorstep
29/08/2008 09:48
I can share your sentiment, how should I have known. My mother suffered from a heart attack and was in ICU for a week and sends home to recover. A week later, exhausted, my wife and I decide to take out my two small children for an Ice cream at a nearby shop. How should I have known my mother was to die an hour later? She was tired, but looked fine to us. Back from the shop we found her on her last and in a coma. There was no time to say goodbye. Now, thirteen years later I still blame myself for not staying home. Maybe I could have saved her life that night. The worst is that I was blamed by close family for taking a break and not staying home. - Krulkop |
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no feelings at all
29/08/2008 09:52
My mom had the same. she was battling to breathe so i took her back into hosp - told she was stable i left to pick up the kids. got back 2 the hosp & found her in a coma - not notified. I went to see her everyday not informed of anything. got a call on the on the 4th day 2 say she had passed. Told she had called for me during the night which they ignored as they did not want to bother me. 14 yrs later i still wonder if there was something she wanted to say. - just me |
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Part of health care professionals' jobs...
29/08/2008 09:54
should be keeping the family informed to the best of their ability. The kind of treatment you received equates to bad service in other spheres of life, where you have to ask direct and forceful questions in order to be informed of the facts (i.e. of what the 'professionals' know but seem to be under no obligation to tell you). - D |
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Doctors and death
29/08/2008 09:55
My daughter was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in 2005 and passed away early in 2007. My thanks to the doctor who treated her for this cancer. He was upfront right from the start and told us that the survival rate is not good for the cancer she has been diagnosed with. So we always knew there is a possiblility that she might not make it and this ensured that we treasured every moment until the day she was taken from us. - Elmarie |
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They should have told you but...
29/08/2008 09:57
Spare a thought for the doctors and nurses too. They are only human and cannot dissociate themselves from emotion. It must be incredibly difficult looking a relative or close friend in the eyes and telling them the person they love is dying. That said, someone should have told you. - Ima |
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signs to look at
29/08/2008 09:57
God and the person on dead bed are the only two that knows whats actually taking place.Its quite a norm when u'll find the individaul actually perparing him/herself for death.One thing for sure u'll always be left in the dark by it signs to look at person on death bed will never look u directly in the eye always starring on the floor,the tough is yellow and the eyes to sign of yellow juandice. Thats how to pick the signs up. - Porchia |
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All about money in private hospitals too, didn't you know?
29/08/2008 10:02
My condolences to those of you who have been through this awful experience. It is important to be fully informed and only you can do that for yourself these days. My father too died alone 5 minutes before visiting time but they did not have the courtesy to even warn us he had died when we arrived there. Did they even know is what one asks and the nurses get blamed. It's the doctors who get paid the most and they should tell nurses to call the loved ones when death is near. - GailC |
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State hospitals are the same for different reasons.
29/08/2008 10:09
Lack of money and shortage of staff and supplies. We were told after waiting a whole day in one state hospital to take my Dad to another where we had a further 5 hour wait in a passage 4 him t b seen by physician 4 admiss. that he was sickest person in hospital. We knew he was dying, just wanted dignity and palliative care and 2 b with him. Security overrode doctors wishes. Only visiting hours bcos of security. Took 9 days 2 die in filth and neglectful surrounding. Manto rot in HELL - GailC |
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Medical
29/08/2008 10:18
Granted, it may be difficult for Docs and nurses, but they chose that profession and it comes with negatives. Full disclosure is important for the family. IT may be difficult, but it saves people walking around with regrets for the rest of their lives. The people who care have the right to know the truth, no matter how hard it is to convey. - Mark T |
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TOO MANY UNNATURAL DEATHS IN SA!!!!
29/08/2008 10:20
the story above , although tragic and easily averted. is all too common in South Africa. Deaths like this are unnatural and should never happen. In SA, over 20 000 road deaths a year, over 20 000 murders a year, over 350 000 deaths through AIDS, over 200 000 deaths through smoking...and coutnless more deaths through unnatural causes. These can all be avoided with proper government action and legislation. It is really a sad state of affairs!!!!! - WTF |
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We dont know when and how it will happen
29/08/2008 10:27
my mom passed last year, we didnt know that her swollen face (which started 4 days before she died)and widening midrif meant disaster. She was on so much medication for diabetes, bp and cholesterol that we had no idea that this was causing her organs to fail. She never told a soul eventhough she knew. She was only 58, BUT she now feels 10 in heaven. We all need to be ready at any time. - Maggie |
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Condolences. Few hospitals still adequate in SA.
29/08/2008 10:37
Visited hospitals over a long period because of family. It is glaringly obvious that state hospitals have deteriorated dramtically. There are a few private medical institutions (& military) that still do a sterling job. Because of the good job they are doing, the stae now wants to govern these as well. The only reason I can think of is because these private facilities actually flourish (medical aid support) & poor (no medical aid) cannot afford their services. little competency left, most abroad. - Matrix |
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Medical equals money
29/08/2008 10:56
There are only two professions in the world that can sink so low. That is the health profession and law. For them money is everything. They don?t give a damn about their fellow human beings. What I do know is that they too have to pass this way, and then they will get a taste of their own medicine. - Rolf |
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I don't agree
29/08/2008 11:10
The old blame game - once again. Somehow, the doctors and nursing staff are ALWAYS at the short end of the stick when it comes to these wonderful News24 columns. Now just imagine, for a moment, if the doctor and the nurses HAD indeed told Colleen that her aunt was dying. Now imagine further, that the aunt had survived. Then, quite possibly, Colleen would have criticised them today, for being "crude and alarmist"? I reckon: if you want an opinion, ASK for it. And please stop the blame game. - Mark R. |
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Trust your sixth sense
29/08/2008 11:13
My grandmother of 80 passed away in the beginning of July due to kidney failure after spending a week in ICU. The hospital phoned us the Saturday as she stopped breathing early that morning, we followed our gut instinct and stayed with her the entire weekend. She was on a ventilator and sedated most of the time. They were wonderful as we could visit her anytime during the day. I had a need to visit her the Thursday afternoon and left work earlier. Within 5 minutes of arriving at her side she stopped breathing and peacefully passed away, just before that the nurses wanted to wash her and make her more comfortable. They closed the curtains and we could stay with her while she passed away. I am to this day grateful that I left work early that day. Lesson I have learned is to trust my sixth sense. If you ever have a loved one in hospital, follow your gut feel and stay with that person.
- Heyns |
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Compassion
29/08/2008 11:24
The biggest aspect of any career in medicine is compassion, the lack of it is evident within South Africa, the biggest contributing factor was the abolishment of apartheid, now you are being looked after by majority black staff which does not have an inch of compassion or humanity in them. Publish this if you have any balls. - Martin |
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Something fishy is happening
29/08/2008 11:30
This has happened to me on two different occasions leaving a person at hospital, who by the looks of it is not at deaths door,only to be told the next morning that this person has subsequently died. - Bobdee |
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When death comes knocking
29/08/2008 12:01
I'm afraid you're blaming yourself for what seems to be a case of extreme negligence ALL the staff on duty night should have been doing their utmost to keep your Aunt alive Who were they to decide there was nothing left to do? At the very least they should have showed their concern and compassion by giving her oxygen Emphysema is a dreadful suffering The patient should be kept comfortable until the very end PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF,rather accept that she was MEANT to die without you there - H Ferreira |
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No regrets
29/08/2008 12:06
After my father passed away in 1995 the day after I saw him, I had many regrets for the things I never told him or had said. Then my mom passed away (2007)the day after I spoke to her and I managed to have said some things to her I never said to my dad. The regrets were less but still imminent. I'm slowly getting with it. All I can say is never pass an opportunity to say what you would have wanted to after it's too late. Then, let the doctors grapple with their own incompitancies. - Jakes |
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Know of a few cases, also published (recently), where
29/08/2008 12:13
reasonably healthy people went into public hospital for minor ailments / surgery and never left alive. All number of excuses by medical staff and officuials are made, but no action is taken to fix the problem. Must agree that yes, medical staff are taking a lot of beating (working hours, pay, etc...), but their attitude also leaves much to be desired. - Matrix |
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Seizures for 4 hours and no doctor
29/08/2008 12:25
2 weeks ago my dad-in-law started with headaches and within 2 days was rushed to hospital (a supposed 'good' one) with severe seizures. Took the neurologist (who was in his rooms) 5 hours to bother to come down to examine him or send him for an MRI. He had massive bleeding on the brain which caused 75% compression, and which required major surgery to rectify (a tennis ball size piece of skull removed to drain the jelly clot). Those 5 hours could have been fatal! - CS |
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It happened to me
29/08/2008 12:25
I lost my mother last year - no medical staff told my father there was a chance my mother would not recover. I popped into the hospital for a quick visit on the Sunday.. next thing the doctor's words were "we are at the end of the road" - and she was gone in 3 hrs. I do agree, compassion was seriously absent- for my mother and our family - he robbed us of precious time - my deepest sympathy to your family - sk |
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Final Destination...
29/08/2008 12:33
When death's at the door all seem to turn into a "normal confusion".Every single simple routine becomes irritatingly difficult to execute & to make matters worse ,that fear will still be felt inside one's heart but will strangely be ignored!!Thats what happened to me that night my mom took her last breath form her Hospital bed....i even knew what was required to save her life but felt helpless to spit it out due to the emergency room situation!!I'm still angry at the medical personell!! - Les-Maada |
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Not in doctors hand
29/08/2008 12:53
I lost my 16yr old daughter on 8/11/2007 after 20 days in ICU - my daughters passing was beautiful and I was with her when she passed. The reality is though the medical staff do what they think is best - but the reality is Life is only in God's hands - not the Doctors. When we as humans start understanding that God is in control of the bigger things in life, then maybe we will start seeing the beauty in death. - Antoinette |
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Sue the doctor and the hospital
29/08/2008 12:59
What is wrong here is that you are putting up with a doctor and hospital playing the grom reaper. It is time they were sued in every case, we would then see a change in their disgusting behaviour. They do it becuase they can, because they get away with it. If this was in the UK or USA they would not dare behave like this, only because people took the time and effort to deal with lazy incompetence. - Eden |
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GOOD OLD DAYS
29/08/2008 13:04
My mom passed away in 1989 in a State hospital. She was admitted for high blood presure and it appeared to my brother and I that something is wrong (while she was having a stroke). The Sister of the ward told us very quietly "You won't be taking her home again". Just that. But it prepared is, although she passed away only two weeks later! They treated us so well and allowed me to stay with her most of the time, whenever I wanted to. Needless to say that was way back in 1989. - Elbie |
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Nobody checked on her
29/08/2008 13:06
My 80 year old mother was in hospital for 2 weeks. We could see that she was slowly fading away and we knew that there was nothing that the doctors could do for her anymore, but nothing prepared us for the experience that we had. We arrived for visiting hours on a Saturday afternoon at about 2pm and found her dead in her bed. Her body was ice cold and stiff, showing that she had probably been dead for a long time and nobody knew! and this was in a general ward. -GG - Gail Griffith |
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Lying nurses
29/08/2008 13:34
My father was admitted to a hospital in Pretoria. as I'm in Cape the best way I could get information was by phone. So I kept calling the hospital and the nurses told me that he was fine and on the last day they even told me that he even started eating his meals properly.(They lied. He went hungry till the end) My husband and I even went out for dinner that night. Only to be called in the middle of it to be told that he had passed on. - Cushy |
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So very sorry
29/08/2008 13:36
I am so very sorry about the death of your aunt. My husband and I found our 21yr friend who took his own life 4 months ago.
While my story is different to yours - the one thing that makes it similar is the fact that nurses and policeman who come across death on a daily basis, do not know how to empathise with those of us who are grieving. I just wish that they could put themselves in our shoes. - Merry |
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Hospital's don't care what so ever
29/08/2008 13:45
Well not far from my experiance. I am lucky to say that my grandmother is still alive, but the doctor's at the hospital just didn't care. She was taken into the emergancy ward, because I think she had a tummy problem. When she was release they did not even clean her. She had to go home just like that. Disgusting if you ask me.
- Charlotte |
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Doctors and Nurses
29/08/2008 13:50
God puts you where He wants you to be at that minute.it is not the doctor nor the nurses' fault that your loved ones passed before you could say goodbye .remember they have faith that the patients that come in should leave the hospital ok.imagine if the nurses and doctors atart telling people that your loved one's will die.will you want them to operate on them - spajaja |
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