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Free styling
26/09/2008 13:37  - (SA)  

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  • Read Colleen's News24 blog
  • Colleen Figg

    I went to the hairdresser two weekends back. I only go when I am starting to look like the wild woman of Borneo, with hair all over the place, highlights growing out and fringe obscuring vision quite significantly. I.e. when I look like the proverbial dog.

    This equates to roughly once every three months and every time I arrive with my appallingly unstylish hairstyle the hairdresser tut-tuts and clucks worriedly over me, wondering aloud why on earth it's been so long since she saw me.

    The truth is I find it a terrible and complete waste of time having my hair done; with people fussing over me, washing my hair, wrapping bits in foil, shoving me under heat, inspecting me every now and then like a side of beef to see if I'm 'done' yet.

    I also hate the way you must lie in spread-eagled lack of dignity at the basins where they wash your hair. A sadist designed those basins, and those chairs.

    You get the most awful ache in your neck and then you have people roughly washing your hair and massaging your scalp until you want to scream. They also insist on putting conditioner on and if I use conditioner once every six months it is a lot.

    The water is always too hot or too cold. I land up enduring the ordeal by gritting my teeth, literally, so I come away with aching neck and jaw and flat oily hair from the conditioner.

    Then someone gets to work on you with a comb and yanks and tugs after drying your hair so roughly you've got blasted great knots in it and you sit there going *wince* *wince* and wanting to knock their blocks off. (I have an extremely sensitive scalp; if you want me to go mad, pull my hair. I promise the results will be startling and not in any way you could possibly like!).

    Then you are turned over to the stylist herself who wants to know if you want to "be adventurous" this month and "do something different" which usually involves you coming out looking like an electrified Afghan hound by the time they've been "creative" on your damned scalp.

    I always insist on going with what's worked before and that takes about an hour of my precious Saturday time.

    Then they want to blow-dry your hair and I never blow-dry mine, ever. I always say I just want colour and cut, and am ready to zoot out of the shop the moment the foils come off, literally. But no. I must sit in the chair again while the stylist mucks about with a blow-dryer which makes me boil and fluffs up my hair so I look like Ivana Trump which doesn't suit my personality at all.

    No matter how many months I've been going there, they always blow-dry my hair in the wrong direction, putting my path on the left when it should be on the right. All hairdressers I have ever been to do this.

    Finally I am forced to admire their handiwork in the mirror they hold up behind me and I mumble and smile accordingly, and then I just about race out of there stopping only to part with vicious sums of money that would feed two families for two weeks.

    It's a blinking nightmare, I tell you!

    Send your comments to Colleen.

    Disclaimer: News24 encourages freedom of speech and the expression of diverse views. The views of columnists published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

    - News24



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      Ag no man Coll!!
    26/09/2008 13:45
    Hi Colleen! That is completely opposite to how I feel! I love the hairdressers, being pamper, scalp massaged, coffee and sometimes a glass of wine. Its a bit of me time that I think I really deserve! - metoo
     
      Makes my hair stand on end!
    26/09/2008 13:49
    Spot on. I hate hairdressing too, such a waste of time and energy. That's why mine is 3 cm short all over. Get up, bath/wash, dry/fluff en leave - 5 minutes max. Unfortunately somebody must keep it short and that's the unfortunate part every 2 months or so. At the moment I already looks like a mop again. - TB
     
      So THAT'S what happens....
    26/09/2008 13:49
    That was fascinating! Good grief! No wonder I stick to a "No 4 on top and No 1 on the beard"; I could never go through that. Condolences! - Dave Robbins
     
      Hair-raising
    26/09/2008 13:52
    I know what you mean. I only go when my split ends start resembling a haystack. I once made the mistake of telling the hairdresser I wanted "something different" without specifying. I walked out with something akin to a mullet. - Petra
     
      I feel you pain
    26/09/2008 13:58
    The wasted time, the flat limpness of over-conditioned and singed hair, the exorbitant prices, those accursed sinks and the unwanted "scalp massage"... I truly sympathise and I feel your pain! Thank you for making me feel less abnormal about dreading my appointments! - Laura
     
      I second that
    26/09/2008 14:04
    I'm a guy and I hate barbers, the last time I was in one I came out bleeding after telling the barber he must not shave me, which he did anyway, my fault but I guess thats what happens you a nice guy. Anyway that was over 8 years ago, and since then I just cut my own hair every now and again. No waiting no fussing, 10 minutes and done. Nice article, first time I laughed at one of yours. - turbo_superboss
     
      Just enjoy it.
    26/09/2008 14:08
    Colleen, you have to relax and let the finger tips take over and do their working. I do think you are definitely at the wrong hairdresser. To sit back and let someone massage your head is one of the most joyous feelings I experience!! Maybe try to go more often...and you will start to enjoy it, rather than dreading it! - Tarynn
     
      I think you should...
    26/09/2008 14:09
    find a new hairdresser! They are obviously not working for you. A good match means a heavenly scalp massage, a decent price and a hairstyle that makes you look better not worse. - Jen
     
      YADAYADA
    26/09/2008 14:14
    You sound like a typical whingeing JHB woman now....theres always the barber(most do women now) to go to, who will get the job done in the simple way...but I guess that aint glamorous enough for you? - Marc
     
      Er
    26/09/2008 14:15
    Clearly you just go the wrong salon. I think of my visits as subsitute spa days: I get coffee and cake on arrival, a heavenly head, neck & shoulders massage whilst waiting for the conditioner to work (sitting on one of those awesome massaging chairs). And the best part is that I walk out looking a million bucks- what not to love?b quit whingeing and find a decent salon! - VG
     
      ha ha
    26/09/2008 14:18
    Thats exactly what its like - you didn't mention how the hair washers force fit their fingers into your ears and jiggle hard till they feel better your ears are dry! hahaha its so awful that experience - thanks for the laugh - its funny cos its true - Terra
     
      What are you talking about?
    26/09/2008 14:30
    It's a treat to do your hair by someone else. But I must admit, there are some people that just lack the skill and professionalism. I say you must search for the perfect salon and your perspective will soon change. - M
     
      Way to go!
    26/09/2008 14:44
    They're not hairdressers, they are STYLISTS .... but PLEASE bring back the hairdressers. I know exactly what I want, and you have no idea the effort I have to go to get it. I'm now at the point where it's "either give me what I want or I won't pay". They can keep the head massages, the shoulder massages, and the arrogant attitude. I just want my hair cut the way I want it, and I'm happy to pay for that and just that. If I could do it myself I would. - LW
     
      a hairstyle
    26/09/2008 14:49
    a hairstyle can make or break a womans apperance. - leslie de pinho
     
      THE BEST
    26/09/2008 15:02
    I love getting my hair done every second week. And the salon I go is perfect (Brackendowns Spar Centre). When I walk in I just say: Make me beautiful and they do just that. And there price are ridiculously low. I will definitely not go to another salon ever. - Candy
     
      I agree
    26/09/2008 15:14
    I am totally with you, that's why I cut my hair myself. Last time I went to a hairdresser they put so much gel on my hair (.. and I never wear gel). It was disgusting. - Joanne Fairbrother
     
      You sound like a spoilt brat!!
    26/09/2008 15:15
    My visits to the hairdresser are a rare treat and I cherish every minute of the pampering. The rest of the time I take care of my hair myself. You sound like everybodies nightmare client. I bet you hate going to your beaty parlour for your weekly manicure and pedicure too. If only you weren't paralysed and could colour your hair yourself and why do they force you have your hair dried instead of letting you walk around with wet hair looking like a drowned rat. Life is tough - poor you. - Karen
     
      LOL
    26/09/2008 15:19
    Oh Marc get a life, Colleen I know how you feel babe. Every time they wash my hair with boiling water which makes my eyes close and never want to open again. I've stopped having my hair coloured at the salon coz it takes so damn long & I can't sit still that long. Oh & why do they insist on speaking to you with the hairdryer blasting in you ear, how are we sposed to hear what they are saying? let alone respond - Copper
     
      Couldn't agree more
    26/09/2008 15:22
    You hit the nail on the head - hairdressing experiences are like torture to me. That's why I haven't been to one for 2 years, refuse to have my hair coloured and am going grey naturally, can't bear the massage (sensitive scalp) or conditioner (makes my hair greasy immediately) which they insist on doing even when I instruct them not to do so. Now I cut my own hair, save myself a fortune, don't have them waste my time. Some think of it as a treat, to me it's torture! - Dee
     
      So true...
    26/09/2008 15:24
    I can get away with only 3 or 4 trips per year to a hair salon but I've learnt that going to really great salon makes the experience much better. In the end it costs me a small fortune but my hair's become one of my best features and having it done is a relaxing experience rather than torture. I used to hate it, now I look forward to it. - E.
     
      And more...
    26/09/2008 15:30
    what about that little drop of water that seems to always finds its way into your collar and roll all the way down your back or front? And the uncomfortable forced conversations... - Mandi
     
      hair
    26/09/2008 15:33
    I always hated the hair salon but have now found a great one, BUT they still take 3 hrs too long to do the job!!!! - susie
     
      it's called communication
    26/09/2008 15:51
    You simply say "the water is too cold" or "now it's too warm" until it suits you. Same goes for the other issues. Speak up and be confident girl! (Without being rude of course) - Tru
     
      @Mark
    26/09/2008 15:53
    It's not that the Barber isn't glamorous enough...Some women's hair needs special expertise! A barber can do general styles but I would not like to see the result on a women with extremely curly or damaged hair.. - Jen
     
         
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