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Bashing birthdays
17/06/2008 13:04 - (SA)
David Moseley
Sharon Osbourne and a mighty collective of the world's freedom fighters (a list that includes the likes of Susan Sarandon and Norman Bates) have all jumped on the birthday bandwagon and signed a virtual birthday card for the world's poster-boy for reconciliation and forgiveness.
I refer of course, and they grovel in the general direction of, the saintly Nelson Mandela, the man who has single-handedly given celebrities a reason for existing and supporting a cause. The big man turns 90 this year, 14 years after becoming president of South Africa.
While Gordon Ramsey and Josh Groban are no doubt huge fans of our beloved elder statesman, I dare say that he finds all the wishes from a group of musicians, chefs and hangers-on all rather bemusing.
But wait, there's more. You too can join in the fun, all for the price of two litres of petrol. For just R20 you can send an sms to Madiba whereupon receiving it his aide will no doubt prance about in delight and inform the 90-year-old that Bob from Melkbos, his 2 376 well-wisher, has wished him many happy returns.
Other elder statesman from around the world, and certainly Nelson's successor as president of South Africa, must find the ingratiating act all rather annoying. Gentlemanly leaders like George Bush Snr, Muammar Gaddafi, The Pope, the Dalai Lama (who's quite possibly sitting at number two on the list of Old Geezers The World Fawns Over) and indeed Mr Mbeki must sit at home and wonder why Ozzy won't send them a partially digested bat head for their birthdays, let alone receive a smooth hip-hopping birthday wish from the likes of Will Smith or Snoop Dogg. Fo' shizzle.
Warm and fuzzy
Still, it makes you warm and fuzzy inside knowing that a withered celebrity wife who talks mostly in cockney rhyming slang and foul-mouthed Scottish chef actually know that South Africa exists. Of course, there's the strong possibility that they think he's the liberated leader of Equatorial Guinea who owes his debt of freedom to Mark Thatcher and his mercenary chums. You just never know.
Anyway, the virtual card and the warm display of birthday giving, coupled with Nelson's 14 years since he took office as South African president got me thinking about all the fantastic innovations and improvements that have occurred in South Africa since 1994.
Back then Sharon would have simply limped off to Cardies and purchased a "World's Greatest Passive Resistor" mug and sent it off to Mandela HQ with paw prints from Kelly, Ozzy and the fat kid who's now thin.
Off the top of my head I think of at least one paragraph of great improvements to the nation since 1994. One: Will Smith gave Nelson a hug, two: the road between Port Elizabeth and Grahamstown is in a far better state (now if they could just do something about the road from Grahamstown to Port Alfred), three: you can buy beer on a Sunday without feeling like you've just poked the Lord in the eye and kicked him while he's down, four: you can buy a Big Mac. And that's surely a cause for celebration.
Happy birthday. Keep it real. Love DM.
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