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on point
22/07/2008 12:30
finally a man who realises the truth. i know a book written a couple years ago. the title was "how to understand women" a guide for guys. the book was as thick as a Watchtower Bible. the first page had contents and appreciations as usual. the rest of the book was blank to the last page. i think not only should women come with a manual, but a remote control too. - The Ceed 226 |
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Too true
22/07/2008 12:39
Thanks for a good laugh! - Ali |
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Oh dear.
22/07/2008 12:41
I see a boat load of trouble coming your way, I think I will sit back and watch the show. Ps. please send said girlfriend's email address, so I can let her know, and G-d help your little cotton socks, 'cos when you get home the misery will begin. Nice knowing you... - Sarah |
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I'm Hard Work
22/07/2008 12:42
Any woman who says that to you is probably not that interested in the first place and will make your life difficult so you should stop wasting your time on her. Not all men are as simple as you try to depict in this article. The high value ones probably expect something in return and that is where the confusion arises for women who have been used to getting everything for nothing. - veritas |
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See?
22/07/2008 12:43
That instruction manual of yours isn't too hard to understand. And if you keep up the petting and the compliments - perhaps throw in a piece of jewelry or chocolate - you'll be fine. - Chris |
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EXCELLENT
22/07/2008 12:46
just what i needed on this dreary day... excellent article.... i will help write the manual... being a "hard work" girl myself !!! - Chris |
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There is No off Button
22/07/2008 12:49
Brilliant!!
Enough said. - Silver Fox |
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Excellent article.
22/07/2008 12:52
Excellent!!
Just read it to my husband and we both had a good laugh. - dreamy |
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You break it in, you buy it.
22/07/2008 12:56
i really enjoyed your blog! Woman are def. not simple creatures. classic line - You break it in, you buy it. - blondie |
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a copy
22/07/2008 12:59
So you think Excusive Books would have a copy of that manual in stock. It should be a best seller. - Nemo |
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I dont know...
22/07/2008 13:00
...how you keep getting it right Dave. Well done again - Vekondja |
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Maybe, maybe not...
22/07/2008 13:00
Though I may agree with how difficult women may be, I do not agree that men are any less so. Certain men can be VERY hard work! Temperamental, jealous, sulky, emotional, but also very caring. I think it great that men and woman don't always understand each other - manuals?? What fun would THAT be? - Julie |
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mmm
22/07/2008 13:02
had a laugh thx but we all know there are more to men than sports and beer .. you can be just as complicated, maybe because we try to handle you the same way we want to be. We should acknowledge the difference in the sexes and just work with it - TC |
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BRILLIANCE
22/07/2008 13:03
Sheer class DM.You crack me up everytime I read your columns.You my friend, should be president of SA.Everyone would be happy and smiling at least - LG |
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Choc
22/07/2008 13:05
Flip spot on David- as per normal!
Women on the other hand ARE NOT!
No matter how familiar you may think you are with them and their habits- I buy chocolate for my Mrs fairly often- Get outta Jail food- which usually works- but on occassion she has decided she aint like Chocolate at all??
WEIRD- Women are WEIRD - Brad "Don Juan" |
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Too good!
22/07/2008 13:09
A very enjoyable read David, yet again. Nice one. - Kuhle |
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NO MORE SA WOMEN FOR ME!
22/07/2008 13:13
Is it just me or are SA women extremely insecure?SA women seem to complain about their guys, however they fail to take a look at their own flaws(which is plentiful eg constant whinging. My ex gf(note gf) constanly had issues with me, yet she was the nutter. Im now with a non-SA gal and although there will always be flaws,she is a MUCH better package allround..a very user friendly manuel!! - proudly unpatriotic |
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Nuff said
22/07/2008 13:17
Amen brotha. Sometimes I wish I could return it and replace it with a better model but they are all the same unfortunately. I'm working on it though - Fresh |
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So True
22/07/2008 13:18
Just beware of making same mistake I made.Getting involved with a clingy, needy, bitching and nagging woman.Still I believe there are some real gems out there that understand the concept of giving a man his SPACE. - John |
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The easy life.....
22/07/2008 13:19
It's funny how easy life becomes when you realise you're not supposed to win an arguement with THEM. I don't really want a full remote control with an off button....... but I must admit a "Mute" button would be very handy sometimes. - JHB |
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Loyalty Programme
22/07/2008 13:22
Too true - I too am "hard work" but come with a loyalty programme attached. The rewards accumulate with time and next thing hubby's a Platinum member with a FREE weekend away! Guys should be rewarded...but then again so should puppies ;-) - PrincessCol |
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I would like a money-back guarantee clause included please...
22/07/2008 13:27
in case any of the instructions given in the manual don't work or the "purchased item" doesn't.The item should also bear the label "purchase at your own peril". - The Truth |
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Be careful what you answer
22/07/2008 13:33
If she asks you if you think that that girl is pretty, be careful what you answer. She's actually asking, do you think she is prettier than me. A blatant lie with heaps of praise will work just as well. Well said David. - Billy |
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grateful for your article - from a woman :)
22/07/2008 13:37
I am so grateful that I don?t date men like you anymore?. Thanks for writing this article to remind me of that. I wish you the best in growing up and becoming emotionally mature so women aren?t such a burden in your life. Should you need advise on how to do this, please feel free to contact me, as I know many men who are beyond this stage of their life riddled with issues and appreciate and enjoy a woman?s company in all their flaws as no one is perfect, not even Man, and these mature men know that. (and no cupcake they aren?t faking it, that?s beyond them) . All the best.
- wendy |
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Agreed
22/07/2008 13:40
Sometimes I'd also like to switch some women off. Agreed girls can be high maintenance and generally give some of us low maintenance girls a bad name. - Susan |
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from a woman
22/07/2008 13:43
I am so grateful that I don?t date men like you anymore?. Thanks for writing this article to remind me of that. I wish you the best in growing up and becoming emotionally mature so women aren?t such a burden in your life. Should you need advise on how to do this, please feel free to contact me, as I know many men who are beyond this stage of their life riddled with issues and appreciate and enjoy a woman?s company in all their flaws as no one is perfect, not even Man, and these mature men know that. (and no cupcake they aren?t faking it, that?s beyond them) . All the best.
- wendy |
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One manual
22/07/2008 13:44
Sorry - one manual wont do - you will have to get a manual per day, per season, per moon cycle per... for each woman - we're all different you know. And we change quite often too! - Tess |
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David, David.....David
22/07/2008 13:44
You need help my friend, and I think I'm just the kinda gal to for that! - P |
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women are not difficult
22/07/2008 13:53
If men understood them!!
Men still have the caveman mentality. Truth is, the world would be a boring place without women! - tut tut |
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classic
22/07/2008 13:54
awesome piece, Dave. Thank for a bit of humour on an otherwise crappy Tuesday! - Jarryd |
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A REMOTE TO SHUT HER UP??
22/07/2008 13:56
In the manual, is there a section that shows you how to stop her neccessant whinging? It seems her mouth is a glorified fly trap!! - Soon-to be Aussie |
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No off button...
22/07/2008 14:05
A pause button and a fast forward button would also be nice, thank you very much. Sometimes it would be handy to have the old Alt Ctrl Del thingy too. ;-) - Foxie |
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hard work
22/07/2008 14:06
great article - do you perhaps know who Sarah is - sounds like trouble brewing there - laverne |
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Manuals are needed for both sexes!
22/07/2008 14:08
I like the idea of a manual for men about women. But please, asseblief tog, let someone write a manual about men for women. Men like to think they're uncomplicated but hell that's not true! Men are amongst the most complicated creatures on earth. - Odette |
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No On-off Switch, yeah?
22/07/2008 14:23
My husband's switch is also not working, so I just pull the plug when required. - TB |
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oh ok so this...
22/07/2008 14:23
manual is for when she's in a good mood, maybe we should rather get a manual for when she's a PMS crazed psycho killer! We can call it the "Womapedia", but other that since when does men read manuals anyway? - Valiant |
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OMW!
22/07/2008 14:26
We know we're high maintanence but please stop complaining! If you wont "put up" with her I assure you there are 100 other guys that will! Perhaps men are just too simple to get how a woman works!!!! - Cinz |
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What!!!!
22/07/2008 14:29
But this is why you love us so much. Guys are hunters by nature, aren't they? So where's the fun if there's no challenge? Come on, don't tell me we scare you!!! - chillepeppa |
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during a test??
22/07/2008 14:33
someone actually called you during a SA / NZ test?? they clearly don't know you very well! S - Suzy |
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It won't work!
22/07/2008 14:33
Men don't read manuals! - Cheeky |
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Proudly unpatriotic......
22/07/2008 14:33
Marc, is that you again...... - Kay |
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High Value
22/07/2008 14:36
Let me tell you something guys. If you are a high value alpha male. You wont need manuals cause you will have woman all around you beging to be part of your valueness. Great article but a little misleading affirmation to all the submissive men out there. You should read a book titled: "How to become an Alpha Male" it's a must read. Helped me a lot to live in my own reality instead of everybody elses. Also the Thomas Crown Affair is an awesome life lesson. Have a good day gentlemen.
Regards - Thomas Crown |
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the female instruction manual....
22/07/2008 14:39
The female instruction manual never goes to print as there are significant daily changes to it. Perhaps an online version, updated daily is the only option!? Similar to what we get for flying planes...every month, the department of civil aviation send all pilots NOTAMS (notice to airmen) with updates! - Pete |
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Oh Dear.
22/07/2008 14:41
in all their flaws as no one is perfect, not even Man, and these mature men know that. (and no cupcake they aren?t faking it, that?s beyond them) . All the best. - wendy<----sounds bitter. Mature men like that, don't they. - veritas |
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@ "No more SA women?"
22/07/2008 14:44
What is this clown on about? SA women are by FAR the simplest of women in the world...No instructions needed...just do what they say and you will be fine ;) On serious note...SA women are smart, sexy and have strong characters! Stuiff the rest of the world... 1 x local please! - adam |
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Excellent - manual below
22/07/2008 14:44
How to Make a Woman Happy - it's very simple actually :-)
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays!
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer
- Michael |
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help!!
22/07/2008 14:45
its nice to kno im not in the desert alone. I always thought if ur wife is pregnant. it should always be bout her. i do everything to please and give her the most rest as i try to do everything, even massages twice a day. With this pregnancy, im always in HOT water. I think i lost my wife. Pls organise a manual "How to handle women B4 birth" - Purchaser |
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Manuals
22/07/2008 14:46
What guy bothers to read the manual in the first place? Much more fun to just push the buttons and see what happens :) - Tarns |
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Really
22/07/2008 14:47
Can it be true? You found a replacement for CocoPOPs... where can this be purchased. - Hungry |
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It won't work!
22/07/2008 14:47
Men don't read manuals! - Cheeky |
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lucky2beaman
22/07/2008 14:48
I think its about time we had such, women are like the cape weather. 1 minute she's happy, the next she is not. 1 minute she wants to talk the next she does not. complicaaated creatures - lucky2baman |
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where is that switch ???????
22/07/2008 14:54
please please please tell me where that switch is, I need one for the love of my life ..... - MJS |
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Men are not misunderstood.
22/07/2008 14:55
"high maintenance" is just a euphemism for self centred. However where we (men) go wrong and are so confused is that we think that the woman in our life loves us for who we are. The reality is that we are just an object with a bit of potential that needs to be moulded. A form of work in progress. Men must understand that the reason woman get frustrated with us is only when we insist on remaining what we thought initially attracted them, that is ourselves. - DavidD |
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What to do.
22/07/2008 14:59
In the manual, is there a section that shows you how to stop her neccessant whinging? It seems her mouth is a glorified fly trap!! - Soon-to be Aussie<-----Pretend you are listening but mentally switch off. - veritas |
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Wendy
22/07/2008 15:01
Guys, please dont write humerous columns or be light hearted in any way around Wendy. It is clearly not allowed. God, ss it really that difficult to enjoy a tongue in cheek article how it was intended. Is it really so freakin' hard????? - AJ |
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Men are not misunderstood.
22/07/2008 15:04
However where we (men) go wrong and are so confused is that we think that the woman in our life loves us for who we are. The reality is that we are just an object with a bit of potential that needs to be moulded. <----Very true. Everyone should read this until they understand it. - veritas |
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Manual for women?
22/07/2008 15:14
I once wrote instruction manuals for TV sets, but these would be child's play compared to a Woman Instruction Manual. For one thing, a TV stays the same day in day out unless it's broken. A woman?...umm,no comment! However after being married for 37 years (happily)let me offer this sage advice. If she asks "Do I look fat in this?", the only possible answer is "Do I look stupid?" But hey, a good loving woman is man's best gift on earth, kidding aside. - doug |
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Manual for both sexes?
22/07/2008 15:15
I dont a manual for my man, i understand him perectly well, if he says he gonna call when he gets there, he mean exactly the opposite! - Mamiky |
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It's not so complicated
22/07/2008 15:16
It works both ways. Can't live with us, can't live without us. And vice versa. Usually. - Denise |
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Very cute!
22/07/2008 15:20
A good lauggh as usual. Just a note - not all girls are hard work, and I will kill any guy that phones me during the last 5 minutes of a Bokke - All Black test! - Not a Hard Work Girl |
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Women = Windows
22/07/2008 15:27
Where the Start button also means Restart or Shutdown or Logg off. Sometimes they freeze for no apparant reason and System Restore should always be on. (Sometimes slows down the program, but at least prevent loss of data/brownie points.) - Tina |
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Careful with the off button
22/07/2008 15:28
If you use the off button remember you would proberly go dirty, never eat, never know where anything is, have to put your own clothes in the wash basket, so think.....first before you switch off - rottie |
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Move on!!
22/07/2008 15:35
For once leave women alone. Just because you are bitter about the one that moved away. And PROUDLY UNPATRIOTIC for your info SA women are known as the world's prettiest and cleverest. So watch your mouth. - Anon |
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easy
22/07/2008 15:36
My lady and I get along very well, she blames me for everything and I agree. - fortunate |
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