If you film it, they will come
2008-12-02 11:24
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David Moseley
Some interesting news from the UK's respected Daily Mail (news of such magnitude and significance that I can't believe it wasn't picked up by etv's 24-hours news channel): Last week the British paper finally published what we all know to be true - more people believe in aliens (not illegal ones, mind you) than they do in God.
The highly reputable newspaper wrote that, "Researchers found that while 54% of us are convinced the Almighty exists, 58% believe in the supernatural." Ha. I knew it. The Mail went on, "nearly a quarter of the 3 000 surveyed claimed they had had a paranormal encounter. Some 37% said aliens and ghosts were the basis of their belief system."
I can tell you why this is so. God and his benevolent son, for some obscure reason, have never appeared in a believable enough movie; while creatures from outer space and the supernatural have cornered the market in cinematic realism.
God vs Aliens (hey, not a bad idea for a sequel if Sigourney Weaver is up for washing away the distaste of Alien Resurrection. The Weyland-Yutani Corporation can send Ripley into space to see if God does exist, only to find out that the evil Predators, now controlled by an army of Terminators, have been brainwashing the masses through iPods into believing that a hamburger-eating clown is the King of the World. It's a long story). God meanwhile has long since moved on to Mars where, along with Nasa, he's trying to get water out of the frozen ice-caps to start it all over again.
Anyway, decide for yourself if these are believable. If it happens in the movies, it must be real, surely:
God movies:
Bruce Almighty: God, playing the benevolent Morgan Freeman, allows a manic Jim Carrey to increase his wife's boob size. Believability: 1/10. There's no way Morgan can get out of helping Andy Dufresne at Shawshank? and then still help Jim in time to restore his marriage and career.
The Passion of the Christ: Dude walks around with a cross on his back. Haters throw rocks at him. Believability: Okay, this one gets 9/10. But only because it sounds like your average Congress of the People meeting.
The DaVinci Code: Forrest Gump carries on running, this time in the Vatican and with bad hair, while angry monks try to kill him. Believability: 2/10. Impossible, Tom Hanks is the nicest man in movies. Even a vengeful God who hated Turner & Hooch would never take out his wrath on Tom.
Alien movies:
Alien franchise: Hot, lithe angry woman kicks alien butt while men get haplessly devoured by drooling alien. Also, baby alien pops out of chest. Believability: 9/10. Angry woman? Check. Big guns? Check. Evil corporation concealing the truth to advance grim capitalist needs at any and all cost. Check. Happens all the time. Sounds just like the credit crunch, just with more spaceships.
ET: Congenial, misunderstood alien kid wanders around town performing pleasing tricks for his band of followers, while evil persecutors hunt him down because they don't understand him, when all he really wants to do his go home. To his dad. In the sky. Hang on, this sounds awfully familiar? Believability: 9/10.
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