Rite of passage, right to party
23/05/2008 13:30  - (SA)  

Want to know more? Answerit can help.

Georgina Guedes

There are different rites of passage that become common in every age group.

When you're young, things tend to happen at the same time, because you generally keep company with those in the same age group as you. So you and your friend are losing teeth, having your first kisses and then graduating high school - hopefully in that order - at more or less the same time.

What has been surprising to me is that, given the vast wealth of opportunity and experience out there, we continue to do the same things at pretty much the same ages for the rest of our lives.

Four weddings and a wedding

Just as everyone has settled down into a good job, there is a sudden spate of marriages. I went through a phase where twice in one year, I had a wedding to attend two weekends in a row.

It got so bad that when people decided to get married, there were negotiations between friends about who could use which precious summer month - there really weren't enough to go around, even with our long South African summers.

I have two resolutely single female friends. They have both, over the past five years, commented that they feel that they are owed some sort of compensation for all the other people's weddings they have had to attend. Perhaps, they said, they should have a "staying single" party. All their overseas friends would have to come and visit and everyone could bring presents to help them kit out their kitchens. It would be great.

I pointed out that, while this might be fun, and I would certainly come and bring a present (where would they open a "staying single" registry?) they would then be committing themselves to staying single. If they were to meet someone and get married a year later, their friends would be understandably put out.

But on contemplation, I realised that this shouldn't necessarily be the case. Lots of marriages don't last, and those broken couples don't have to send all the presents back. People will probably even fork out for gifts for a second wedding - in all likelihood, even better gifts, as second weddings happen when guests are slightly more well established in life.

Married, sprogged, now what?

So, having got graduations, 21sts, weddings and 30ths out of the way, and being smack in the middle of the baby-making trend in my circle, I suppose the next thing I have to look forward to is a rash of divorces. That unsettling notion is only overshadowed by the trend that will follow a couple of decades after that - deaths!

Realistically, after second marriages, there aren't any particularly good celebrations to look forward to - no one enjoys a funeral!

There is a major birthday for each decade, but the slow, steady marching by of years becomes less and less of a reason to celebrate. Wedding anniversaries are more of a private affair than a reason to invite all your friends over for meringues and cucumber sandwiches.

Vow renewals, however, once only the domain of American soap operas, are now gaining favour as a mid-thirties celebration for couples. People who married young and had sensible, small-scale weddings are now throwing the chequebook at ten-year anniversary vow renewal parties.

No one I know has made it to ten years yet (except that one girl who got married in Matric), but I am sure that as soon as we've all got children out the way, we'll start seeing some vow renewals - although I can't imagine most of my friends will bother. And perhaps my single friends can have "still single" parties to stump for more appliances.

And of course, we can all start living vicariously through our children, like so many people do.

Party for the sake of partying

All of these options lack some of the glamour of the earlier rites of passage, so what I propose is this: everyone should have a huge party at their next decade minus one year. So at 39, have a thirties party, at 49, a forties bash. Just as we're about to embrace a new decade in our lives, celebrate the one we are about to leave by doing the things that made it fun.

It will be kind of like a millennium celebration, except every ten years. And we can invent a list of standard gifts to go with each decade, like for wedding anniversaries. So our thirties could see us getting accessories for our seaside cottages, forties would bring trimmings for our yachts. As you can see, I have high hopes for the future successes of me and my friends.

And my single friends won't be discriminated against.

In conclusion, I could say something trite like, "or we could just resolve to celebrate every precious day of life that we are granted", but nah, I want parties and presents, good ones, now, please!