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agreed
13/03/2008 09:10
I agree with you Kgomotso, however i think we need to choose our opposite sex friends with more care. There are ones who will use 'friendship' as an excuse to get 'sometin extra'. I have a girlfriend who is fully entitled to have male friends, however i had to object on one occassion to one guy named shawn who always had to touch her for some strange reason, and when i objected to that he avoided us like a plauge showing his true colours. So be carefull, there are such good 'friends' out there!! - Friend |
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fire and brimstone
13/03/2008 09:21
will surely follow as this is honestly the first time i agree with you!! as you alluded, the modern man, and yes, there are some out there, CAN be friends with women without HAVING (we may still WANT to, but we don't HAVE to) to jump their bones, just as the modern woman can have no stings attached sex. Well written!! - mm |
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friend or fo...
13/03/2008 09:24
my man is allowed female frieds- it just starts to become a problem when they think they are allowed to call your man at all hours of the night... and most female friends do not have boundaries... intersexual relations can cause problems... - Mo |
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Male and female friends is a no no...
13/03/2008 09:28
Yes men and women cant be friends, even though it doesn't go to the point of getting intimate. I once had a male who was so good to me we used to do everything together he was actually one of my girlfriends, he was so jealous of my boyfriends, he hated them and he was always giving me bad advise, and I decided to distance myself and after 2 yrs or so he told me dat he was in love with me, but he couldn't tell me...... - khokho |
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Complicated
13/03/2008 09:32
Very tricy subject indeed. I have this compulsion to befriend guys I have either dated or I have turned down, hoping that in time they will get over their feelings for me. I have to accept that never happens. They will stick around hoping that things will change. Truth be told, confiding in them about your man problems (as friends normally do) never happens, cos it will hurt them and the jealousy. - Mon |
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Better friendship afterwards
13/03/2008 09:40
Hey, you'll be suprised how nice friendship develops after sex...that is if all was clearly discussed and agreed upfront. Trust me, it feels good and makes one comfortable to discuss any issues afterwards. The only issue is that you are more likely to cheat to your partner. MySA.com - MySA.com |
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That's what friends are for...
13/03/2008 09:43
Well, such relationships can work, but you know the world we live in...especially we blacks. Developing a friendship should go beyond the boundaries of gender. Trust, being there for each other, good communcation...whether man or woman...I say that's what friends are for. Touchy subject, sista! - Lunga |
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Kgomotso a nice easy read
13/03/2008 09:45
........... Thank you, it is always great to get a females perspective on this matter. Yes men are dogs and yes we want to nail you all the time because you all have such nice jiggley bits. So how that is for honest truth.... and it would be nice if you were all in to no strings attached sex, less complicated and probably more honest... if only we could all be honest with one another there would be less conflict and truthful expectations of one another - Gary |
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JHB mindset
13/03/2008 09:47
In Jhb, youre in dream mode if you think that your gf is not 'getting around' with her guy friends. Generally speaking, this how jh gals operate...Elliot Spitzer would be proud of them! - marc |
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Eish............. Friendship
13/03/2008 09:51
I once had a friend and we were "friends with benefits", so she called us. It was good and all, until she started having some strong feels. Well it make things awkard after she told me that she loves me............. I didn't know what to say. Tough mara true............. - Thabiso |
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Friends
13/03/2008 09:53
Me believes that no man and woman can JUST be friends ever. - Alu |
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Not Always The Case...
13/03/2008 10:05
..I had a female friend once and we were friends for years and did a lot of things together. I never expected anything from her as I knew it would kill our friendship. She met a man she loved and married him. Then she moved to P.E. cause her husband was extremely jealous of our friendship. I have not spoken to her or seen her in over 6 years. So yes, some people (men & woman) CAN be friends !!! - Badger |
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Friendship
13/03/2008 10:06
I no longer have male friends. Quite sad. I actually don't believe in that platonic crap. Every single male friendship that I have been a part of got messed up cos at some point the chemistry flared up and it got awkward. So we do our thing to see if it will make a difference to get the chemistry out of the way. It doesn't help. Just makes things worse. So therefore no more male friends except ones "adopted" from the current boyfriend/partner. - Julia |
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Sad but true
13/03/2008 10:06
I think unfortionatly I reckon its they way God made us (men) I have a lady friend and we have been friends for 2 years seeing each other regularly and I find my self having feelings where she doesn't !! gets tricky cause what one person considers "friendship" is a big comitment to another where does "friendship" end and a relationship begin ... im not talking physical here... - HJ |
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Doesn`t Work...
13/03/2008 10:09
The male Female frienship doesn`t work for long.There are female or male friendships that are over a decade or 2 long but never heard of the Female/Male frienship that has lasted that long.We normally lie about this frienship to our partners or friends in order to hide the actual "relationship" between us,unless we now call it a "sexual favours frienship" - Majozi |
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Sad situation
13/03/2008 10:13
Yes indeed its a sad situation, talking from experience, I have lost a good freind all in the name of sex, we crossed the line now we cant even sit in the same room without fighting, My advice is just don't cross the line btoday,I miss him so much I wish I can just turn back the clock of time and undo what happened. I am living with those consequences. - Patido |
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Men and women can't be friends
13/03/2008 10:14
I am one of those that believe that Men and Women can't be friends, I tried over the years to be friends to women but it fails as we ended up sleeping together. And it is true that if you have it once you will be best of friends, because you won't be chasing anymore. - Derick |
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Yes they can
13/03/2008 10:14
They CAN be platonic friends.
If the woman is not pretty.
Most people are in denial about this.
Sad but true. - anon |
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Men and women as friends
13/03/2008 10:24
What a receipe for disaster, Men and women can never be friends, i don't care what people say. Look if i'm friends with you as a women there are times where i will always be thinking "what if" but i will immediately supress those feelings because of ebing scared of what she might say.So women out there don't ever deceive yourself by thinking that man is your mate and that's all there is. I'm no pervert but i on't see myself befriending a woman, yes we can talk but being friends, absolutely not. - Thokozani |
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ku nzima emhlabeni
13/03/2008 10:24
Confessions!Most if not all of the female friends I had, have unknowingly been the victims of the strange fantasies of my unrepant mind.Hence I always have a problem with men who tries to befriend my wife.'It takes one to know one' - Thami |
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Go back to the caves?
13/03/2008 10:26
I appreciate what your article. However, your suggestion that the human ancestry may have practised immoral sexual habits may also be flawed. I think the homosapiens species has always practised an inherent and consistent moral sexual behaviour defined by respect for the other sex. We did not learn through civilisation that promiscuity is immoral, that is why our ancestors thought it better to practice poligamy. Besides, I think I can't be friends with a woman who stays on the same floor as me - JR |
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men and women cant be friends
13/03/2008 10:30
It is true,I am business minded person together with my friends(males),but after we merge with females partner to make business sucessfull,then shit happened(they started digging each other),later they were angry on each other then business collapsed.SO SAD BUT IT IS TRUE MEN AND WOMEN CANT B FRIEND. - dr phil247 |
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Especially we blacks?
13/03/2008 10:32
Lunga, I apprceiate your comments but if I were you I would not refer to blacks and insinuate that the world that we live in is susceptible to immorality. Nevertheless, I agree that it is a delicate subject. - JR |
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No need to generalise.
13/03/2008 10:35
I've had female friends I was attracted to, and I managed perfectly well not to hit on them. And I've had attractive female friends that I was not personally attracted to. More of a sisterly relationship. And right now my wife is my best friend and to whom I'm overwhelmingly attracted. So I don't think you can generalise. - Chris |
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Big No No----
13/03/2008 10:36
I have had Female Friends for quite some time and they trust me more than anything in this world, some tell me all their secrets but they always develop feelings for me. i truely think women and men can never be just friends. Sex will always come in between. Which is exactly what most men want, just sex and no strings attached. - Motsumi |
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It only depends...
13/03/2008 10:37
Opposite will always attract, our struggle will constantly be how to best contain ourselves. We even long for our friends? wives/husbands?The amount of value we place on the friendship, is our only restriction!!! - eebz |
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Ungreatful partners
13/03/2008 10:40
I have recently come 2a sad bt true realisation tht some men are just not worth it. i met a guy late last year who was in interested in my sis bt she already had a man, so we began going out as friends but gradually i fell for him. He corfimed tht the feelings were mutual and bt he could neva be with some1 who wont hve time 4 "us ". Bt now hes the 1 who is unavailable stating hes workin hard 2 create a beta future 4 us. i haven't seen him in ova a month. What do men want? - Thobeka Mthimkulu |
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friends and foes
13/03/2008 10:40
Ask me (he), to take a she friend out for a walk,if we can walk, until we are out of sight of everybody,except the son, the wind,the plants and the soil, enemity will grip in, i will start having ideas and eventually the animal in me will take over,nature will take its course.Thats when one sees the beauty in a woman. - abram modisakeng |
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No can do
13/03/2008 10:41
I agree with Mo, female friends struggle with boundaries. My ex and i constantly fought about one particular lady who it seemed they had a special bond that i couldnt be a part of. It made me feel really insecure. I felt she had certain rights i didnt have and he had told me she had designs on him before but they decided to stay friends. One time we fought over her and he said that she would be the one to nurse his wounds should we break up. How prophetic those words were!!! - helen |
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Love and friendship
13/03/2008 10:44
Anyone who is in a relationship, especially the one that are married decide to have a friendship with someone of an opposite sex is having a serious problem. I believe if you are in a relationship and you partner is not you friend then there is something wrong with you love. If you are in love your partner is your best friend. My conclusion is if you befriend someone of an opposite sex you are in love with that person but it is just a matter of time before your feeling will take over. Stop this male female friendship nonsense the truth is those people are in love amen. - sam |
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men
13/03/2008 10:46
My very best friend is a male and I would not change it, because he says it like it is and not tongue in cheek. Thanks for your articles. - ned |
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Zuluboy
13/03/2008 10:49
Ohmy! You hang out with Jayzee? I have to agree with Zuluboy on this one. The 'would any of my alleged platonic male friend refuse it if I offered?' litmus test will probably lead you to the same conclusion. To loosely quote Chris Rock, 'Men don't have platonic friends by design. A man's platonic friend is a woman he was trying to (bad word for getting into her pants), made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the Friend Zone." And we all know he's right. - Ndumiso Ngcobo |
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Friends
13/03/2008 10:52
I believe that men and women can be friends, you just have to know where you stand with each other and value your friendship. My best friend is a man and we've been friends for 5yrs now. We talk about everything that is including our partners, so far I do not see anything wrong with it. He is a very attractive guy and I love him and care about him as my best friend. - Masingita |
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GARY
13/03/2008 10:55
HAHAHA..lvoed taht comment...but i do believe men and women can be friends, no matter the motive of the relationship starting in the first place..i ahv a couple female friends, that i appriciate, and are thankful we never got to any sexual activities or anything that can complicate it...i need my female friends to talk about stuff your male friends would never give good advice on...plus they also give an insight on what women think and sometimes want... - Dan |
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Friendship after love
13/03/2008 10:57
I believe that its very easy for a man and woman to think that when they end a relationship they can be friends but the reality is far more different especially for the person who didnt want the relationship to end and hasn't lost the feeling for the other. U expect sumthing and all u get is hurt in return.Why continue to punish yourself over and over? Move on - out of sight out of mind - Amina |
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Yip,...
13/03/2008 10:59
I would agree with your statements. - Big R |
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But Thobeka............
13/03/2008 11:01
you set yourself up for a heartache here, this guy had feelings for your sister and not you, it just felt awkward for him that's he ran. He's saying this because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings, but the writing is on the wall here... he's not interested. - tk |
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True Man N Women Cant Be "FRIENDS"
13/03/2008 11:07
Yeh i agree with sister KG, i once had a girlfriend we knew each each 4 about 2 weeks and one day visited her where she was renting a room and stayed the until l8te cause it was raining well we decided that i'll spend the night no big deal about it i mean we are "FRIENDS" afteral, cant tell you how it went about during the night but we ended up having this hot intimate session and yah it was nice...now we can't she cant even face me bcos she wanted us 2 b an item & i refused. - MM |
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male friends
13/03/2008 11:12
it is possible to be friends with males.i think that a person always knows it when a friend starts falling for them.i usually make it from the on set that i have a boyfriend that i love very much and if it doesnt work i always tell the guy that i want to hook him up with one of my friends so he knows that im really not interested.and if he is interested in our friendship he will stay but f he had come for other reasons he will leave me in peace.i have male friends who are geniune. - ebony |
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Well duh!
13/03/2008 11:12
Only women can believe not all men are alike and just wants to have sex with who they can, like Harry said, then again if all women believed the hard facts and not the lies the men tell them we as men would hit dire times, so good on you women for believing our lies. - Reality |
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Amen to that
13/03/2008 11:14
I have realised that most of the respondents agree with you and so do I. I have this girlfriend whom I stay with. She has so many male friends who calls her even after 12 in the morning or 7h30 for a chat. They even exchange naked pics and claim to be friends.I am a monster when objecting to this. In their conversation you will always here that the guy is asking her to come spend time with him. There is no firendship here, just plain cheating. Oneof them is always waiting for that CHANCE. - mitch |
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What is a friend Kgomo ?
13/03/2008 11:16
As much as i would align with some of your propositions and findings,i have ended up wanting to ask you a R1 question-What is a friend,what makes one and how do you conduct a friendship?.This is a difficult one.But i have often heard women say ''i need some one who is a friend and a lover ''-are they looking for a something that never exists?.Are they looking for the source of the Nile River or what?.So what is a Boy-'friend' and 'Girl-friend'? - Tavengwa |
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For the general case...
13/03/2008 11:30
...yep,very hard for men and women to remain "just friends".On the other hand, I have two women who I've known since we were teenagers (we're now 40+).Never dated them,never bedded them,I am heterosexual,maintained friendships through marriage etc & they've been great sources of advice etc in dealing with aspects of my own romantic involvements.And we'd never dream of 'getting down and dirty' ...
So, in general,yeah,VERY hard to achieve.But it can happen.Needs maturity though! - Cynicus |
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women
13/03/2008 11:33
I don`t think you can be frinds without thinking about sex, All that you spend time on is denying your feelings about each other or finding a reason not to have sex. You are both fools.Just do it and you'll feel good afterwards. Kgosi - Kgosi |
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no thanks..
13/03/2008 11:38
but i cant befriend a lady without thinking of cutting that cake and im sure some guys on this forum wld beg to differ but y'all know its the truth,just like the friendship between blacks and whites folks there is always strings attached ,im my instance that BEE deals...oops!! - francky |
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men and women cant be friends
13/03/2008 11:39
i dont think the is any possibility that man and woman can be friends and the reason why im saying that lots of such friendship i have seen they ended up people not talking to each other and not because something big happen but because between the two of them the other crossed the line which was never meant to be crossed and in most cases man usually cross that line. - "Skateboard" |
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100 % with u
13/03/2008 11:58
The strangest thing is that even if it not my intention but I find myself fighting the temtation and some of my female friends don't make it easy 4 me but I try, hey I'm only human. but it not simple when u r single, if not single try to respect yo partner. - Top Cat |
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Love them all
13/03/2008 12:00
All women are beautiful. I never had a woman friend I did not want to be intimate with. Sooner or later ugly, thin, fat, short tall does not matter I love them all. Have to admit blonds do not really attract me sexually. Maybe it is because they are already known as sex objects and off course we all want them as virgins. Don?t we? I do not intend to make blond women feeling bad it is just the way I perceive it. - Lover boy |
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Female Friends elokshini uyadlala
13/03/2008 12:07
I try guy's but we end up talking about bedroom politics till till we end up in bed together . MaEuge - Eugene ka Mahaye |
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Not true - you can be friends
13/03/2008 12:11
I have a lot of lady friends with whom I would never consider having sex. And, yes, I am completely heterosexual, and have a pulse. I have been married for more years than I care to talk about and have no need for sex outside that relationship. My lady friends know that, and it probably enhances the friendship because of the absence of the sexual stress. Can be, is, possible. SAM - my partner is my best friend, she knows the lady friends, that is simply not an issue. - Plato |
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Sam, Sam, Sam
13/03/2008 12:14
Get professional help. That is not love, but sounds rather like obsession. Love, and marriage, is not a jail cell where it is the two of you against the world. - Freud |
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Men and Women CAN be friends!!!
13/03/2008 12:14
my only true friends are guys, those who have asked me out and those who haven't.If you have self control you haven't have a problem with being friends with the opposite sex. So, don't put a blanket on the "fact" that men and women can't just be friends!!!Oh....and i'm very pretty, so don't even for 1 moment think i'm ugly!! - nam |
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i prefer their friends
13/03/2008 12:28
Look, I've got tons of female friends. Some of these friendships date back to the 90's when i was still in high school. Some are very attractive but i just don't look at them in that (sexual) way. What i suggest to the brothers out there - for the sake of not endangering your relationships with your female friends - rather go for their friends. Your female friends friend doesn't have to be your friend. That's what i do. - Bra Darkie |
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I doesn't work
13/03/2008 12:44
I have always had female friends,but the thing is they don't all last because I always want more and vida vesa,it depends what kind of friends you choose.And what you do together and the places you meet,but I don't think if you have a partner she would like you female friend. - Sifiso |
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boys and girls
13/03/2008 12:46
I found that I'm able to remain extremely good friends-and nothing more-with the guys I've known since I was very young, but guys I befriended later on, during young adulthood, I can't be that close with. If we did start getting close, it was usually because one of us had ulterior motives. I ended up marrying the last guy I met during later years and was "good friends" with, so maybe deep down I'm a cave dweller? I dunno. But I do know that I haven't made any "good guy friends" since my husband. - Spelunker |
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Lets be honest
13/03/2008 12:47
I dont think anyone can honestly say he/she never at one time thought about getting it on with a friend of the opposite sex. So I say just friends who are we kidding. - Brandon |
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Men and Women Friends
13/03/2008 12:58
From my own experience, people regard me as a nice person. Someone you can get along with. But I al always trying by all means to avoid making friends with women, even exes. Because either way, sex will always come in between and spoil things. While some friendships with the opposite sex works, I think it is a drop in an ocean - Kingzile |
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Judging by some of the comments here...
13/03/2008 13:01
it is no wonder that Africa (and SA in particular) has got the largest HIV Aids problem on the planet! - The Truth |
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Friendships
13/03/2008 13:04
Lets all accept the way we were made and not try to outsmart nature. A horse can't turn and behave like a cow no matter how much it believes or tries, it is just that simple. - mb |
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