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Things could be worse...
24/07/2008 11:04  - (SA)  

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Sex curse found at ancient site Penis-growing grandma dies Couple maintain penis tradition

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Brendan Faber, News24 User

Whooaaaa! "It's a freak show out there," I thought to myself, reading the newspaper headlines from pole-to-pole. "Blah-blah-blah" this. "Blah-blah-blah" that and, somewhere in between, a rather pretty sunrise.

I could easily join the chorus of groans and moans this morning, Lord knows I am very good at it. Even my detractors must admit that there are few who take such lustful joy out of hammering nails into the socially, mentally and politically inept. And today is no different...

Just kidding.

Today I will refrain from socking it to the ANCYL leader, Julius Malema - even though he thinks there's nothing wrong for the ruling party to be led by a jailbird, should the Reverend Zuma not pass "go", not collect any bucks and head off to the big house. Aikôna comrades - that's just too easy and rather beneath anyone with half-a-brain.

So, you ask, if we are not going to bitch about something - the awful state of the roads, the lack of service delivery, the litter lining our sidewalks, crime, corruption, cronyism, cynicism, exiting Western Cape premiers, threats to our courts, constitution and so-called law and order - what else is there?

Allow me to direct your attention to Northern Africa where rampant penis theft and witchcraft-induced-shrinking is the order of the day. Apparently the poor souls in Congo have been losing inches at an alarming rate and, sometimes, the whole organ would go to that big porn movie in the sky.

Body shots

Reportedly "penis snatching" is not uncommon in West Africa. Witchcraft and ritual killings for body parts - you know?

Bummer.

I know I, for one, would be really upset should I wake up one day to find my best friend had gone the way of the Dodo - in its place an attempted IOU sign, "UIO... Gud bliss".

I imagine that a life without the only free entertainment on offer would be too much to bear and will you find me ending it all by braaiing fatty chops every night and drinking gallons of Jack Daniels.

Yeah - at least the penalty for penis snatching is severe on the daft continent. Twelve suspected or, as we like to say, "alleged", penis snatchers were beaten to death by an angry mob in Ghana only ten years ago. To avoid similar bloodshed police have now arrested the alleged sorcerers and their victims to check out the story for themselves - with magnifying glasses if they have to.

Thank goodness for one unconvinced Kinshasha police chief. "How do you know it's gone if you haven't tried it at home?" he asks, and rightly so. How do you?

And how do you, citizens of South Africa, know that today is not going to be brilliant day? At the very least we should all be comforted by the fact that most of us will wake up intact tomorrow morning - which would be cause for wild celebration.

Tomorrow is National Penis Appreciation Day (NATPAD)... make it count!

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