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... and you live!
01/12/2007 23:01 - (SA)
Moscow - As Russia heads for parliamentary elections on Sunday that President Vladimir Putin's party is set to win, Russians are indulging in some light humour about their leader.
Poking fun at leaders is a time-honoured tradition in Russia, particularly under Soviet rule when "anektodi" were rolled out at every party.
Here are some of the jokes making the rounds in Russia ahead of the vote:
A democrat, a communist and Putin take turns speaking at an elections rally. "Vote for me and you will live like in America," promises the democrat. "Vote for me and you will live like in the Soviet Union," vows the communist. "Vote for me and you will live," pledges Putin.
Putin is getting his hair cut at a Moscow barber shop when his hairdresser starts assailing him with questions about the war in Chechnya. With each question, Putin becomes increasingly annoyed and finally he blurts out: "Why are you asking me all these questions about Chechnya? Are you afraid? Is there a problem?" "No, no," responds the hairdresser. "It's just that your hair stands up every time I say the word 'Chechnya' and it really makes it easier for me to trim it."
A Russian voter asks another: "Who are you going to vote for in Putin's elections?".
An election pamphlet from Putin's United Russia party outlines "Putin's reform plan". Article number one: Bring wealth and happiness to the Russian people. Article two: Here is the list of people who will be wealthier and happier.
Putin calls his mother on the phone and says: "Hello mama. It's me, Vladimir. "I won the elections". Putin's mother responds: "Really? Honestly?". "Mama", Putin answers. "Can you please not nag me about that."
A Kremlin aide rushes into Putin's office and announces: "The miners are on strike!". "Well, pay them," orders Putin. The aide soon returns and says: "The teachers are on strike!" and again Putin orders: "Pay them." He returns again and announces "The farmers are on strike!". "Pay them," says Putin. The aide returns a fourth time and declares: "The miners, teachers and farmers are on strike!". Putin responds: "Pay the riot police."
Why does Putin have so many bodyguards?... Because there is safety in numbers.
A Russian voter asks a friend: "What will happen if Putin extends his time in office". His friend answers: "Khodorkovsky will extend his time in jail." Once Russia's wealthiest man, Mikhail Khodorkosvky is serving time in a Siberian jail on charges of corruption and tax evasion.
- AFP
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