This is the statement that most people would agree to, specifically my fellow Africans. If you also believe in it you are probably a custom treasuring person, an elderly member of the African society or a traditionalist. For that, chances are you have not questioned the truth in the statement because you can’t see why it can be incorrect in any way.

I personally do not agree that performing the circumcision ritual (Ulwaluko) shapes the boys into men. Like any other obedient African child I have been respectful enough not to question tradition and not to raise any opinions of disagreement regarding my rituals. I have been trying hard to remain obedient but my “modern behaviour” (as my uncle would put it) coupled with curiosity has driven me to seek solid explanations for my concerns.

Before I took my journey to clarity about this matter I knew that initiates (the about-to-be men-boys) spend a certain period of time on the mountains or the bush where they get the foreskin of their penises removed/circumcised. Now I know a lot more, thanks to my modern behaviour and curiosity.

At the initiation school not only do the boys get circumcised; they are guided by senior male members of the society through the lessons of manhood. So this is where the belief underlies; now I see. Still, I am not convinced that real men come from the bush. I will tell you why.

I also found out that the initiation lessons constitute responsibility, mannerism, gentleness and most importantly love and respect. I don’t know about you but I do not see that in our men. Of course not all men are disrupters but if responsibility is among the initiation lessons why do we see an increase in women-headed homes and single mothers? How responsible is a man that impregnates a woman and refuses to be part of that offspring?

The lessons of mannerism must be very easy to forget because not a single day passes with out coming across a recklessly drunk man making a scene on the street. These men are supposed to be loving, gentle and respectful yet we hear of terrible abusing of woman and children by men. I will tell you what an ideal man is. He is a dignified man that gains his respect in the community by rendering equal respect to the others. He loves and respects women therefore he is married and takes good care of his family. He does not have five children with five different women and if this shame happens to be part of his life, he maintains the growth of the children.

This man sets an example not only to his children but to the rest of the neighbourhood. He does not confuse firmness with abrupt and violent behaviour and most importantly the presence or absence of his foreskin does not determine his status as a responsible man.