“...A man who sleeps with a man deserves high respect.”

2017-06-15 06:02
on the runLunga Adam

on the runLunga Adam

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I recently posted on my Facebook page: “I don’t care what you say, but a man who sleeps with another man deserves the highest respect.”

Some were naturally alarmed in their responses to a quip by a man known to have been a player of sorts, and wondered loudly if I have had a Damascus conversion when it comes to ‘taste’.

A wise man knows that change is constant. One Nkuli Maka Fika Sithole was straightforward in her comment: “Is this your way of coming out?”

Even certain sections of the gay community had their curiosity piqued by this opinion and tried, without success to figure out what on earth I was on about.

I deliberately chose not to respond because I thought to myself whatever I said in defence of my statement could easily fall for misinterpretation or, worse still, I might step on toes.

I’m a strong believer in taking time to understand where people are coming from, before I fall hook, line and sinker on the bandwagon of picking social media fights.

My comments were brought about after a conversation with a colleague, about some of the sticky situations that folk find themselves in after a night out.

It is a fact that the hunter can become the hunted in an instant where revellers gather, more so in the days we live in.

I’ll give you an example. When people are at a drinking hole, it cannot be that drinking is all that is uppermost on their minds. Most are out to fulfil their needs. For others, it is seen as an opportunity to socialise, network, make new friends and even meet potential business partners. Sadly, though, some hang around these spaces to prey on the weak, the unsuspecting and the vulnerable.

My colleague went on to share with me a story that left me in stitches as much as it made me feel sad.

He told me that an older brother of a friend kept on entertaining this ‘chick’ at a watering hole one evening.

Turns out, though, this ‘chick’ was a man, just with a deceiving look about him.

Now and again, other patrons kept staring at this brother who had the hots for this ‘woman’, but did not think anything of it, if only because it crossed his mind that they may have had their eye on his catch of the day.

More reason for him to refill his new conquest’s glass at every given opportunity. As it sure would, closing time came and the two left together for the comfort of an intimate space. But imagine the guy’s shock when the truth finally revealed itself. Guess what, though? Instead of being overcome by shock, perhaps to a point where he chucks the fake sista out there and then, he developed a need to learn anew and not to let a night go to waste. The colleague tells me these were the brother’s words when asked about the encounter the next morning: “Ndiqonde ukuba andinakubasayiyeka la ntwana. Ndazixelela ukuba izakuyibuyisa imali yam.” I leave the rest to your carnal imagination.

These are the things we stumble on in our pursuit of grog-inspired pleasure. The one thing in common between the hunter that became the hunted and the hunted that turned hunter is that both had a hidden agenda.

I am sure it must have taken a lot of guts for the aggrieved party to come to that decision. This is not hearsay, though. About a year ago, I was one of the crate potatoes at a joint in Marikana informal settlement when I saw one fellow getting up close and personal with a gay fellow. The innocence that characterised this encounter made me cringe. I watched the two kissing, but would not stand in the way of a love at first sight, for it was not my place. No longer able to bear the thought of whatever was to follow, I packed it in, gave it a name and called it a night. I guess there is nothing wrong when two consenting male adults enjoy a private moment after a night out, even if meeting for the first time, for it is a lifestyle choice. But when the reality is a far cry from the expectation, problems are always bound to happen.

I know that the habit of wearing school uniforms and invading watering holes on June 16 is a ubiquitous one and tomorrow will be no different.

I might have to tread carefully, then, so that I save myself the embarrassment of leaving the tavern in the arms of a man in a school skirt. Happy long weekend to all.

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