Grieving father publishes book to heal

2016-02-03 06:00
PHOTO: supplied Thulani Gumede and his wife Nompilo with his book ‘Nqaba: Grief and Hope’.

PHOTO: supplied Thulani Gumede and his wife Nompilo with his book ‘Nqaba: Grief and Hope’.

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AFTER losing his six-month-old son two years ago, a Lincoln Meade man has turned his loss to gain by becoming a beacon of hope to the bereaved through his book titled Nqaba: Grief and Hope.

NOKULUNGA NGOBESE spoke to Thulani Gumede. Losing his only son Nqaba to what doctors described as a cot death, not only did he and his wife Nompilo find it hard to come to terms with their grief, he also questioned God’s presence.

Gumede said the book, which was published in October 2015, seeks to heal the bereaved and addresses the issue of doubting God’s presence in the midst of pain.

“After my son’s death, my faith was tested as a Christian. I struggled to pray and go to church. I stopped reading the Bible. My book answers questions that turns a lot of people to atheism.

“Where is God when it hurts, why doesn’t He answer some of our prayers. I returned to God after miraculously driving through a herd of cows near Lynnfield Park.

In the book there is a chapter about an unsent letter to God where I question Him on why He blessed us with a child, when He knew He would take him after six months.

“I realised that in order to start the healing process, I needed to be real and face the pain.”

Gumede said in the book he cautions those who give words of comfort not to try too much because sometimes they end up causing further damage to the grieving party.

“For example, a parent feels the same pain about the loss of a child regardless of how old the child is.

Some think just because the child is six month old, parents will have another child and move one.”

He said another fact that some people ignore is not facing reality by avoiding to talk about the grief and how one is feeling.

“The first step to healing is to face reality by being honest and transparent. People must be willing to open up and talk to psychologists if necessary.

Sometimes we don’t deal with pain, which may lead to divorce, alcohol abuse and drug addiction. We should stop questioning whether it was God’s act or the devil’s that took away our loved one. All we need to know is that God is in control.”

The book is available at Adams & Griggs Booksellers, Lazy Lizards in Howick, Bible Centre and Amazon, online.

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