PMB author’s book ‘works through grief’

2016-09-14 06:00
PHOTO: nicole john Thulani Gumede’s book has become a book of choice for helping people to deal with the loss of a loved one.

PHOTO: nicole john Thulani Gumede’s book has become a book of choice for helping people to deal with the loss of a loved one.

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BASED on the loss of his six-month-old son Nqaba, Pietermaritzburg author, Thulani Gumede­’s book Nqaba Grief and Hope, has become a book of choice for helping people to deal with the loss of a loved one.

Gumede and his wife left their first born with the nanny as they normally did when they went to work.

However, later the nanny phoned Nqaba’s mother to tell her that the child was unresponsive in his cot.

Gumede, who works in Durban immediately returned home to find that his son had died in what the doctors termed, a cot death.

“There was no reason given and up until today we don’t know why he was taken from us. He just died in his sleep,” he said.

Gumede said that art and writing had always been his passion and he found an outlet for the pain through writing, so he wrote a book about his experience to help others who might find themselves asking questions, seeking answers and dealing with a similar pain.

“Everyone’s reaction to tragedy is different. For me, I had to be strong for my wife.

“There were times that I cried, but I found that I could not express my feelings. I was eventually diagnosed with depression and had to be put off work for a month.

“It was only when I nearly lost my life in a car accident that I realised I had to deal with my loss and work through it because I was given a second­ chance,” he said.

The book deals with grief and how to work through it using Gumede’s experience­.

“Yes, there were times that I questioned why God took my son. There were times when others asked us if we prayed enough and there were times when people would tell us that at least he was only six months and told us to have another one to replace the loss.

“Regardless of how old a child is, losing them leaves a hole in you. They cannot be replaced, they cannot be forgotten.

To heal you have to work through your feelings and remember them every day,” said Gumede.

Nqaba died in 2014 and the Gumede’s welcomed their second child a few weeks ago.

“We waited, we grieved and we were ready to love another child. Not to love him because we were replacing Nqaba, but to love him for himself,” he said.

Gumede’s book in now in its third print run and is available at Bible Centre­, Adams Book Shop and on Amazon­. He is currently working on his second book.

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