Women revere attention and respect

2017-02-08 06:03

A SUNDAY newspaper carried an interesting piece on why married women resort to cheating after the excitement of a relationship and marriage has diminished.

The newspaper quoted findings of a dating website called Victoria Milan that explains why women resort to throwing themselves into the arms of another man other than their married or regular partner.

The website findings cite being given attention, respect and preserving the spark of the relationship as among the key things that are a sure turn-off to women if their partner fails on these.Interesting and relevant as these findings are, it would seem though it may not be easy for people who have been together for many years to live up to the challenge of giving each other attention, respect and keeping the flame of the relationship burning in the same way as it did when they started it.

It must be borne in mind that even though familiarity may not breed contempt, it still takes off the wedge of admiration. This saying cannot be unfounded because we are human beings. Therefore the responsibility to keep the flame burning must be a mutual effort.

As a pragmatist, it would be unfair for women to expect men to be as excited about the relationship if they are not making an effort to be attractive, exciting, stimulating and alive as they were when the relationship started (if they were).

The only part of the research findings that I take blame for as a man is the issue of respect. It is difficult to absolve men from blame for failure to respect the feelings of their women, especially on the question of immorality or infidelity.

As much as I can understand how some men may gradually lose respect for their partners if they are a drain on their resources, or unemployed, I fail to appreciate how we, as a male species, continue to fail to respect the feelings of our women, especially in relation to the issue of seeing other women while in a serious relationship or married to a particular woman.

However, I must say that I agree with the website findings, which clearly recognise that generally women are people of conscience weary of tarnishing their reputation or character and that of their families.

Hence, these findings paint a realistic picture of how women may wish to see someone else while married or in a regular relationship with a man, but find themselves having to refrain from doing so or not sustaining that relationship before it is too late or the male partner gets to know about it.

According to the website findings, women have a tendency to be mindful of how they are perceived by friends, neighbours, relatives, colleagues and society in general.

I suppose the role of a woman as a prime nurturer with a role of guiding and building character in their children, propel them to want to do the right thing as much as possible.

But obviously, this is not to give them too much credit for high morals because after all they are simply human beings who cherish attention, respect and a sustainable glow in the relationship.

Sadly, a continued absence of these things does tempt them to have their secret liaisons, just like their male counterparts do.

In my experience, I find that doing stuff together does boost the quality of the relationship. Even if it means washing the dishes while she cooks or attends to children, or sweeps the floor while she does laundry. Taking a drive or walk to nowhere rekindles the romance.

Experience shows that giving someone respect and attention comes in different ways and it’s a sign of appreciation, reverence and acknowledgment.

I don’t necessarily think all women are looking to be showered with praise, flowers and gifts at every turn of the relationship, even though there may be less matured women who do want to be bombarded by these things as a way of life.

In my experience as an adult male, I have observed that being able to tell a woman she looks beautiful when she has combed her hair neatly, and ensured that her clothes are ironed properly, and that the shoes she bought two years ago still fit her perfectly, go a long way to showing her that you notice her and that you like what you see. Needless to say, it takes two to tango, meaning women must do the same too because human beings are egotistic creatures, who wish to be noticed, cared for, and loved.

• Simphiwe Mkhize writes in his personal capacity.

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