'I am a child-molester'
2005-09-09 14:30
Cape Town - What does the world look like through the eyes of a paedophile?
The molestation and especially rape of children - as happened to a three-year-old girl in Bokmakierie in the Cape - usually results in a media uproar.
She was enticed to leave a party by a 24-year-old man who'd already served a jail sentence for molestation.
How can children be protected against paedophiles when they unknowingly probably rub shoulders with them every day?
A self-confessed paedophile was willing to enter into a frank talk with Die Burger to shed some light on the problem as a warning to parents against people such as him.
"I'd never have been able to stop molesting children had I not been caught out.
"I'm a qualified teacher in my forties and have served approximately a year in jail on charges of indecently assaulting young boys.
"I want people to realise paedophiles look like any other person.
"It's not a monster that jumps out from behind a bush. It's a grandfather; a favourite uncle ... the guy next to you ... it is with you here and now and can happen in any household.
"Paedophiles do everything in their power to polish their image in the eyes of the community.
"A paedophile will stay a bullshitter until he is caught out.
"The deeds of a paedophile are monstrous but remember a paedophile always sees himself as a good person. Inside your head you convince yourself the child wants it.
"Paedophiles are masters at the art of soft-soaping their victims before taking things further.
"One normally has a strategy of getting closer to a child and gaining his or her trust. You also work hard at getting into the good books of the parents and other members of the family.
"You never do anything like this on the spur of the moment. It is almost something that resembles a courtship. In my case I sometimes worked for months - sometimes longer than a year - at 'preparing' a child.
"If I felt attracted to a child, I usually went out of my way to reach my goal, even if the specific child wasn't the easiest target. It was something that spurred me on.
"I was surrounded by children so I could really pick and choose.
Easier targets
"On the other hand I have heard from other paedophiles who preferred to concentrate on easier targets such as children staying by themselves at home without any supervision.
"I treated all my victims very well, normally boys between the ages of five and 10 with whom I came into contact on a daily basis because of my vocation.
"One doesn't think of the damage one is inflicting on the victim or how he feels about it. You only think of your own desires.
"When everything's over, I may buy the victim an ice cream to make me feel better.
"Even when everything came into the open I didn't think of the wellbeing of my victims but rather how everything was going to influence my career and future.
"I pitied myself and was concerned about how it would affect my family.
"It was only after the court case that I started wondering about the reaction of my victims when they had to read about the case in the newspapers.
"The best advice I can give to parents is to listen to a child when he talks to you. Listen to what he is discussing with his friends. Never ignore a rumour.
"Where there is smoke, there will always be a fire. Children of that age will never lie about molestation.
"In that age group children are easy targets.
"It is a period in their lives when they discover new things and if you as the culprit remain in touch with them, you very soon learn what they are interested in and how to gain their approval.
"In the poorer residential areas it is quite easy to bribe children with cool drinks and chips. It works 100% of the time.
"I worked with better-off children.
"My tactic was to take them on an outing or to see a film; you have to offer them something as part of the grooming process and to get into their good books.
"The parents were usually very impressed by all the extra effort on my behalf to treat their kids.
"When we went on outings, I usually planned well in advance who would sleep where - it was never a haphazard arrangement.
"Paedophilia is an addiction. One becomes addicted to children and can never accept you have been cured of that addiction.
"I was already conscious of the fact I wanted to work with children when I was in Grade 10 and was totally addicted to them from the age of 21..
Danger signs
"In the counselling programme I had to follow, we were taught what the danger signs are. For one thing, I should never be with children younger than 18 or be all by myself in their company.
"Quite recently I felt a pang to get back to the old teaching regimen.
"But then I'd get such a fright and realise I had to break the cycle.
"It is impossible to break away from the habit without professional counselling.
"Had it not been for the present therapy with Dr Marcel Londt, a lecturer in social work at the University of the Western Cape - who presents a community-based programme - I'd have molested somebody again within a month or two.
"And I'd have been much more careful and sly in my approach...
"I was given a second chance, for which I am thankful. I might still have been in jail.
"I don't agree with actions such as those in the US where a community is informed of the fact that a sexual transgressor moves into their residential area.
"This only leads to mass hysteria and sends out a completely wrong message.
"I am a proponent of a register with the names of transgressors. This will be much more humane and result in far less panic.
"Just think of the case in Upington where six men were arrested and charged with the rape of a baby and eventually freed as totally blameless. Once a paedophile has been marked, it can easily happen to him.
"People will get much further if the subject of paedophilia is addressed more openly.
"People should know what it entails and how they can prevent it. It's no use keeping mum about it.
"My idea with this message is to try and help and to get a message across to children to talk about it if anyone tries to cross certain boundaries with them.
"It's impossible to simply lock paedophiles away. Some day they will be released from jail.
"Neither are they cases that can simply be referred to Valkenburg.
"I want to learn, by means of therapy, to one day have a mature relationship with someone of my own age group but it is so that you are constantly afraid of being shunned.
"In comparison the children gave me a feeling of power and courage.
"With them I was in control.
"It is only now that all this has become clear to me ..."