Misquotes of the year

2010-12-22 12:00

Cape Town - Every week Sapa issues a selection of memorable quotes. This is a collection of quotes from 2010 that are memorable for all the wrong reasons.

"On Friday, 11th June 2010, at 16h00, starts our date with destiny. From that moment onward, the history of our country as well as its future shall never be the same again." - Deputy Home Affairs Minister Malusi Gigaba, succumbing to World Cup fever.

"It was an achievement for us to have so many children in spite of our busy schedules." - Inkatha leader Mangosuthu Buthelezi, speaking at the funeral of his friend Joe Matthews.

"Those who are allergic to bee or wasp stings should try and avoid these insects as far as possible." - Netcare 911 in a helpful statement on summer insect problems.

"Our Quantum Leap strategy aims at changing the trajectory of performance improvements to higher levels." - Transnet acting group chief executive Chris Wells.

"There is nothing we can say about an accusation out there that comes from whoever because the whole issue is just based on the fact that whether minister did or did not apply political pressure and the answer is no that's it." - Sputnik Ratau, spokesman for Environment Minister Buyelwa Sonjica, reacting to claims that the minister intervened in the Hangberg eviction saga.

"Even a blind person could have seen he was drunk." - Security guard Richard Motegeni, describing how Blue Bulls prop Bees Roux allegedly assaulted a metro policeman.

"In twilight its integrated flash switches on automatically." - An anonymous Popular Mechanics copywriter, extolling the virtues of the Minox Digital Spy Camera "that means you can shoot all kinds of subjects on the sly".

"We will be revamping the intergovernmental interaction mechanism to provide a real time feedback on how government communicates and transacts with itself." - North West premier Maureen Modiselle at a "service delivery agreement implementation protocol" signing ceremony.

"The development of a national heritage is very much a function of how that society creates a memory about its future whilst benchmarking on the strengths of its past... We knew that we now have a deadline of whom its outcome was going to be monitored by the world with us playing at the level of putting in place the puzzles that create the broader picture. - Modiselle again, this time in a Heritage Day speech.

"To take drugs on an empty stomach is equal to suicide. Not to have programmes that support that medication is just like farting in the water." - Western Cape ANC Youth League statement. However when he read it out, chairperson Siyazi Tyatyam modified the last sentence to "... is actually not assisting those that are affected".

"These dimensions, entailing both articulations during the attacks by armed men, as well as post-facto in public statements by officials, coalesced to displace members of Abahlali from their homes." - Researcher Kerry Chance in a paper on shackland violence, published by the University of KwaZulu-Natal's School of Development Studies.

"There is a dire need within government and amongst the national government departments... to achieve coherence at the level of policies as a way of maximising the probability of attaining the desired impact." - Higher Education Minister Blade Nzimande.

"Government is confident that all the ministers and deputy ministers appointed by the president are competent and will perform their duties as expected." - Government spokesman Themba Maseko after a Cabinet reshuffle.

"This administration has committed to creating an open opportunity society for all citizens of the Western Cape by committing to strategic objective seven as a plan to ensure that the balance between economic prosperity while using our natural resources to promote sustainable economic and social development is maintained by enabling an environment conducive to sustainable life." - Western Cape planning minister Anton Bredell. -

"It is the worst thing that could happen to a skydiver." - An anonymous Durban Country Club golfer, after watching a skydiver plunge to his death on the course.

"We did not expect this to happen." - Relative of a murdered Free state municipal manager.

"As a result of the intransigence of management we have experienced a fatal death of one of our members." - SA Municipal Workers' Union, in a statement.

"I said he must leave the people alone; it's Saturday." - Beaufort West farmer Gert van der Westhuizen, recounting how he tried to dissuade Marthinus Esterhuizen from shooting three coloured people on the farm.

"We need to adopt and ensure a responsive integrated proactive and reactive policing approach to policing of rural areas." - Police Minister Nathi Mthethwa.

"We need to identify the paths that can practically transpose us from the current status to desired policy end points." - Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi.

"One of them came down, grabbed a female and mated in front of me." - An anonymous and irate resident of the Cape Town suburb of Constantia, complaining about roving baboons on her property.

"Jogger viciously stabbed" - Headline in Cape Town's The Tatler newspaper.

"The SOS Children's Village has joined forces with members of the Westville community to establish the play-and-learn centre as a means of eradicating the many young children who are not in school and without proper care." - A reporter writing in the Eastern Province Herald.

"Researchers who had made a breakthrough in Aids by testing a virginal gel containing an Aids drug... said while doing their test they did not think it would show positive results with herpes." - Unedited copy from a Sapa reporter.

- SAPA