Unattractive males at increased risk of being “like a brother” to attractive female friends

2012-02-24 14:47
Hayibo - Unattractive males are “very, very unlikely” to be considered as potential sexual- or romantic partners by their attractive female friends, a new study has suggested. In response to the findings, men with nice personalities said that attraction did not run according to science’s timetables, and being thought of as “just like a brother” was still “really great”.

According to lead researcher, Dr Kinsey Unrequited, more than 3,000 male-female pairs were interviewed after being selected for their “wildly disparate views” on their relationship.

“If he described the relationship as ‘deeply trusting’ and her as ‘smoking’, while she described it as ‘on the ambivalent side of platonic’ and him as ‘eeuw!’, they were pretty much ideal test subjects,” said Unrequited.

Meanwhile, participants in the study say that its findings change very little about their low-intensity, slightly wistful relationships.

“Darrel is totally my best friend, and I love him in a really special way,” said Hope Springs, an athletic, blonde 22-year old drama student and part-time model. “In fact I make a point of often telling him that I love him as a brother, and he’s always so happy that tears come to his eyes and he makes this sound like someone standing on a puppy.”

She said if there was one thing she would change about the relationship it would be for Darrel to stop complimenting her “all the time”, which “comes off as a bit creepy”.

Darrel Pining, a heavy-set engineering major, still remembers the day Hope first walked into the copy-shop where he works on weekends.

“She wanted a hundred copies of a flyer for a really brilliant one-woman show she was doing called ‘Eat Me’,” recalls Pining.

“There was instant chemistry. We just had so much in common, like I could do copies and she needed things copied, and we both liked coffee, and…just everything, really.”

Since then, says Pining, he and Hope have become “very intimate”, often talking for hours on the phone about Hope’s relationship problems.

“There’s this bastard,” he sighs. “There’s always some bastard. So I help where I can, and let her know that I’m always there for her. Always.”

Asked if he would ever ask Hope on a date, Darrel said that they were “too alike for it to work”.

“I mean she’s gorgeous or whatever, but I respect her too much as a friend, you know? I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

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