'Scorpios are all bastards'

2014-10-31 00:00

Scorpios like to think of themselves as mysterious, alluring, darkly sexual and brimming with barely contained power. The truth is that they're not.

Hilarious Horrorscopes: Aquarius

2012-12-21 12:00

You might think Aquarians are aloof, but they only seem that way because they’re actually insane.

Hilarious horrorscopes: Gemini

2012-12-21 12:00

Unfortunately, much like two 8 year olds don’t make a 16 year old, two halves don’t always make a whole. Geminians are tragically incomplete. Twice.

Hilarious Horroscopes: Pisces

2012-12-20 12:00

They're all just scatter-brained space cadets with their proverbial heads up their own asses.


Hilarious horrorscopes: Virgo

2013-01-04 11:49

Virgoans are the project managers of social interaction. Control-freaks to the core, they dive into new friendships with a disconcerting alacrity.

Hilarious horrorscopes: Cancer

2012-12-21 12:00

Cancerians are very affected by the Moon. And the planet Mars. And just about anything, really. Sensitive little wimps.

Hilarious Horroscopes: Taurus

2012-12-21 12:00

They have a creative side – if you consider needlepoint, finger painting and making jam creative.

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