Beer troubleshooting guide

By admin
11 July 2014

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.FAULT?.. Tap here for the punchline.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to rest room, practice in front of mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender before departure.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth with bag.

SYMPTOM: Consciousness regained without recollection of how you got there.

FAULT: Probable time and/or space warp.

ACTION: Ask bartender for another Beer.

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