How to find 'The One'

By admin
03 September 2014

If you're single, it's very easy to lament the fact you're just not lucky enough to have met The One. But - while it might be hard - it could be time to look a little closer to home.

When searching for a potential partner, we're likely to attract people who are after the same thing as us. And if you keep matching with people who can't cope with commitment or play games, it could be that you're actually coming across as closed-off to the idea of a relationship. After all, if you're not opening up, you can't let anyone in.

But how can you figure out whether you're giving off signals of emotional unavailability? By being completely honest with yourself.

Many of us spend evenings discussing the hot-and-cold texts our latest love interest is sending us. But - could you actually thrive on the drama and the 'game'? If you find yourself obsessing over objects of desire who are distant and difficult to pin down, then maybe it's because you love the thrill of the chase. Tell-tale sign: when someone shows genuine interest you brush them off as "too nice" or boring.

Similarly, you could be living in a dream world where you expect the honeymoon period to last forever. Those who aren't actually ready for a relationship often find themselves smitten with their partner at first but then becoming critical and bored a few months in.

If you've been single for a while, you're likely to be a pretty independent person. Fear is a huge factor when it comes to pushing away potential partners. This could include worries about feeling trapped, being taken advantage of or controlled - and this will likely be obvious to others.

Alternatively, your worries could be about getting hurt. Past experiences have a large part to play here and may mean you are overly cautious about letting yourself fall in love. Or maybe you find yourself obsessing about losing a partner, either because they reject you or even because you worry they may die.

It might not seem easy or be what you want to hear, but maybe you need more time alone to work on yourself and your fears. Try finding the root cause of your worries about relationships and then start to tackle them by becoming happier within yourself. Get in touch with old friends, spend more time with family or rediscover some hobbies and really get to know who you are.

Once you feel at ease and comfortable, you will start to attract others looking for a secure and committed relationship.

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