I was the bravest of the brave

By admin
13 November 2013

A spider nearly gets the better of our celeb blogger Mark Pilgrim but he made like Jack Bauer in the series 24 and lived to tell the tale.

I like to think I’m the man of the house. I’m fearless when it comes to protecting my family. I’ll charge you like a raging bull if you come too close to my girls. At night, if I hear a noise, I’ll barrel towards that thump sound like I’m Jack Bauer in an episode of the hit TV show 24.

Mark Pilgrim with his family

So when I was in the lounge downstairs the other night and I heard my wife scream in the upstairs bathroom I shot up there faster than a bullet from the Lone Ranger’s gun.

I wasn’t prepared for what I saw though, and I think Nicole saw the flicker of indecision in my eyes. Do I act brave and rescue the fair damsel, or do I run down the stairs faster than she did?

It was a spider. Johannesburg had incessant rain the day before and with it the eight-legged critters headed indoors for dryer conditions. I’m not quite sure why spiders give me the creeps, especially the ones with meaty abdomens covered with little hairs.

The only thing worse than seeing a spider . . . is suddenly not seeing it, and I had an image of me going to the bathroom at 3am and it’s no longer on the blinds. And then when I’m sitting on the loo it comes out from under the toilet lid and takes a nibble out of my nether region.

The spider

So with that image in mind, I dashed to the cupboard to get the best tool to arm yourself with when doing a stare down with an arachnid . . . a plastic dish. I found the biggest (see through) bowl and re-enacted Stephen King’s novel Under the Dome. I got it.

Then I did what any self-respecting home owner who lives in a complex would do . . . I catapulted the spider into the neighbour’s garden. Our family slept soundly.

-Mark Pilgrim

* Mark Pilgrim is a freelance radio and TV presenter and is a DJ on 94.7 Highveld Stereo and 94.5 Kfm.

Follow Mark on twitter: @MarkPilgrimZA

Visit www.markpilgrim.co.za

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