The 7 Deadly Sins of Facebook

By admin
14 January 2014

These Facebook offences will send you straight to the fiery depths of the “unfriended”

GLUTTONY

Unless you’re a food blogger (and even then, you’re pushing it), please don’t post every single thing you eat. That fancy, grain-fed, slow-roasted chicken breast you had for your birthday dinner at an awesome restaurant? Totally acceptable. The hot chips you grabbed after school? Not so much. If anything, you’ll just make people hungry. And annoyed. And bored. And sooner or later, no longer your FB friend.

SLOTH

For those too lazy to type (aaargh, so much effort right now), the “like” button’s got to be the best social media invention ever. Too bad it’s used way too often. A good time to hit it? When someone posts something along the lines of, “Yay, I’m going to Hawaii/I won the Lotto/I found a chip that looks like Lady Gaga!” Not so good? When they post about their grandpa passing away or change their relationship status to “single”. Come on people, do these seem like appropriate times to send a thumbs-up? Unspoken FB rule#89: Only “like” good news.

WRATH

Venting your anger on Facebook can leave you, like a member of Twilight’s Cullen’s family after a feed, satisfied for now, but soon hungry for more. It’s no biggie when you’re having a mini-whinge about how the internet is pretty much one big spoiler for future seasons of Glee (we feel your pain), but please avoid rants about someone-who-shall-not-be-named-but-it’s-glaringly-obvious-who-it-is. The subject knows who you’re talking about, your 400 Facebook friends know who you’re talking about, and rather than everyone thinking, “Mmm, how insightful, she really showed him,” they’re more likely going, “Wow, someone’s got issues.” There, we said it.

PRIDE

Who wants to be tagged in an unfortunate double-chin pic? No one, that’s who. Ditto the number of people who want to pose for 20 minutes while you snap away till you get the perfect cover pic. Keep the Kodak moments to a minimum so you don’t look back on your teen years and remember all the great times you spent, uh, pulling the duckface and skinny arm pose. If you must exert a little FB pride, keep control of your online image by setting your privacy settings so you have to approve pics you’re tagged in before they go public.

LUST

There is nothing wrong with crushing on someone on Facebook, but just make sure you take regular breaks to do other vital things like eat and sleep. And the golden rule? Consider everything you see NSFC (Not Safe For Convo). It’s creepy when he starts talking about a wall-to-wall chat he had with his buddy and you chime in with, “Oh yeah, and then he said . . . ” You’ve crossed the line into Stalkerville when you know more about his life than he does.

GREED

Facebook – helping people get attention since the beginning of time (line). In the quest for extra “likes”, many make the mistake of posting a Cryptic Status update. You know the ones – they exude enthusiasm, yet appear to be missing some crucial info. Prime examples: “So happy right now!”, “Ahhh I can’t believe it!” or “OMG drama!” This is not an episode of CSI – we don’t need a cliffhanger before the next ad break and the suspense is not killing us. So don’t do it. Sidenote: If you have a friend who’s a serial Cryptic Status Updater, do not under any circumstances ask what happened. Ever.

ENVY

Yup, we all know them. They fill your newsfeed with status updates about their amazing boyfriend, fabulous friends and ridiculously cool wardrobe, all with the aim of making everyone else envious of their perfect life. If you’re guilty of this one, just know that you are one smug snap away from the unfriend button.

Magazine Features/ACP

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