The tiring dating game

By admin
26 September 2013

Our dating blogger is feeling a bit jaded after many bad dates and she now wonders what her destiny holds.

I’m tired to the depths of my soul – tired of searching for my soulmate – so I’ve decided to stop for now. I can no longer remember who is who. Nothing is funny anymore. I laugh too loudly, I feel too fat and I’m beginning to think I should spend my money on botox instead of groceries.

How many times can you meet strange men and listen to strangers’ stories? Once? Five times? Fifteen times? Their photographs are beginning to look alike and I’m beginning to think my ex’s curse that I would never find love again is going to come true. Actually, it’s already come true.

The saying goes: “You must first love yourself before others can love you.” Yes, yes, already done that. “You can’t search for your soulmate or love; love will find you.” All these sayings run like water off a duck’s back. And at the moment I’m so tired of going on dates and staring into the strange faces of strange men that I can’t remember how it feels to be excited about someone.

I look at one photograph after another on the finding love site and I no longer know what I like. I no longer know what I want. A young man? An older man? A man with blonde hair? One with dark hair? Who knows? It doesn’t matter who I choose, I go home alone every time wondering what’s wrong with me.

And I’ve become more and more rude. More short-tempered. Soon I’ll explode in a cacophony of broken hearts and shed tears. Everyone’s false hopes and promises are beginning to trap me like a spider’s web. The man looking for the soulmate. The one looking for a woman who loves sport. A woman for every taste. And every time she’s not me.

Perhaps I’ll feel better next week. This week I just want to cry. The reason I can’t find a soulmate might be that my soul just isn’t in it. And that’s what I want to do this weekend: find out who I am, where my soul is, and how I want to live – alone or hand in hand with someone. Then again, perhaps the choice doesn’t lie with me. Perhaps fate will decide. Or perhaps it’s my destiny to keep searching.

-      Erla

Erla-Mari Diedericks is the author of the book Sin, Sushi & Survival and her latest novel, Still Standing, is now available in shops countrywide as well as at kalahari.com.

Read Erla’s previous blogs:

Finding love online

Ready to date a younger man

Party all night long

Dealing with divorce tales

The lady is a vamp

Good pictures and bad pictures

The guy who jetted in

To try online dating yourself, go to YOU’s online dating site, Looking4You

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