Why hubbies shouldn’t shop

By admin
23 November 2014

Dear Mrs Murray,Our store is considering banning your family from shopping with us...

Dear Mrs Murray,

Our store is considering banning your family from shopping with us unless your husband, John, stops his antics. Below is a list of his offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras:

15 June: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 July: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.

19 July: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares!”, then watched what happened.

4 August: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of Smarties on lay-by.

14 September: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

15 September: Set up a tent in the camping department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.

23 September: A clerk asked if he could help him. He began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

3 October: Looked right into the security camera, picked his nose and ate it.

10 November: While handling guns in the hunting department he asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.

13 December: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme tune.

16 December: In the car department he practised his Madonna look using funnels.

18 December: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through he yelled, “Pick me! Pick me!”

21 December: When an announcement came over the intercom he assumed the fetal position and screamed, “No! No! It’s those voices again!”

23 December: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while then yelled loudly,

“There’s no toilet paper in here!”

YASMIN JOOMA, EMAIL

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