Lonely hearts seek Western men

2008-10-15 10:42

Bangkok - "My ideal match would be a well-balanced Western man with maturity and wisdom," writes 37-year-old Nok in a personal ad featured on the dating website thaidarling.com. "You must be relaxed and financially stable."

Nok's plea for love is among the many that clutter the hundreds of dating websites for Thai women, who seem united in their search for one thing: the perfect, wealthy Western man.

"I want a guy that I can talk with, who looks nice, and who cares about me," said 32-year-old Paw, an office employee who would not give her full name and whose ideal man looks like Richard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman.

"But one thing I don't like about Thai guys, they are like butterflies. They see other women, they don't respect the girl."

Over the past few decades, the numbers of Thai women seeking Western men for long-term relationships has increased.

Half of marriages mixed

The rate of marriages between Western men and Thai women registered in Bangkok's Bangrak district has increased by 10% every year for the past 25 years, reaching half of all registered marriages in 2006, media reports say.

"I would say that a relationship formed between a Thai and a foreigner is more likely to be successful than a relationship in the modern social climate existing in the Western countries," said Joseph O'Connor of dating website ThaiLoveLines.com, which boasts 16 000 Thai women members intent on a Western mate.

"We could multiply the number of Thai females joining the site by a factor of five, such is the demand, but we have to keep the mix between men and women on a certain level," he said.

The number of Western-Thai alliances is even more pronounced in northeastern Thailand, or Isaan, the country's poorest region.

According to a 2004 study conducted by the National Economic and Development Board, more than 15 000 Thai women chose to marry Western men, meaning one-third of northeastern families had a female member married to a Western husband.

The average age of these women was 35, while the average age of their husbands - who usually hailed from Germany, Britain or Scandinavia - was 50, a 2006 national study showed. More than 70% of the women were previously married to a Thai man.

Financial security

The study also showed the average income of the husband was 60 000 baht ($1 800) a month, or seven times the national average monthly salary.

"I don't think there is any doubt that the main motivating factor for the Thai women who decide to look for a western husband is financial security," said Jim Spellman, who runs the knowphuket.com website and is married to a Thai woman.

"This is especially so for those from poor rural areas."

Once a popular recreation spot for American soldiers during the Vietnam War, Isaan is no stranger to "farangs" or foreigners, but only recently have Thai-Western alliances become accepted.

"Thai society now has more tolerance toward mixed marriage due to globalisation," said Chintana Monthienvichienchai, a dean at St. John's University in Bangkok.

"Older generations in the remote villages now accept the "koey farang", or foreign sons-in-law, wholeheartedly."

One reason behind this may be the fact that while a good man is hard to find, a Thai man is even harder to find.

Thai women outnumber men by 1 million, and the "gender gap" increases each year, the Bangkok Post newspaper said in a report.

Another reason is the promise of more wealth. According to national figures, women married to foreign men send remittances of an estimated 1.5 billion baht ($43 million) a year to their families in the northeast.

Tips and advice

Western-Asian relationships are hardly anything new but tips on how to bridge the cultural divide and make relationships work for both sides have proliferated only recently.

Website simply-thai.com advises Western men: "The first sign that things are getting serious is when she asks you to visit her village." Other useful titbits range from what to bring on such a trip - mosquito repellent, toilet paper, bottled water - to paying a dowry, and keeping it modest.

The 2007 book "Foreign Boyfriend, Foreign Husband" sought to teach Thai women how to catch and keep a Western man with advice such as always look good and do all the housework.

On the flip side, the Pattaya Daily Mail published a guide for Thai women on how to tell your "farang" husband you want a divorce. Tip number one? Find out why you want a divorce.

- Reuters