Armstrong laughs at dope claim
2005-10-30 09:40
New York - Seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong poked fun at French critics and their accusations of doping here Saturday, playing the controversy for laughs while hosting Saturday Night Live.
The 34-year-old American cyclist retired after capturing his seventh title in July but considered a comeback after the French newspaper L'Equipe reported 1999 urine samples from Armstrong tested positive for the banned substance EPO.
Armstrong, who has steadfastly denied taking any performance-enhancing drugs, said during the opening monologue that he was worried about doing too good a job in his host role on the classic American television comedy show.
"The last time I did something too good, the French started testing my urine every 15 minutes," Armstrong said.
Armstrong spoke of the challenge offered by the TV appearance, saying, "I would say it has been a tough week. But come on, I'm Lance Armstrong, I don't get tired."
A show cast member using an affected French accent posed a question from the audience, then asked Armstrong if he could provide a urine sample.
After Armstrong dismissed him, the faux Frenchman yelled, "It's our race. Stop winning it. J'accuse," and scurried off.
Sheryl Crow, who is engaged to Armstrong, was the show's musical guest. Asked enticingly by a female cast member if they had set a wedding date, Armstrong replied, "No, but I'm sure we will now."
Armstrong was in the first comedy skit as himself in a triathlon, where he dominated the cycling but was laughably bad at swimming and running, which he called "unnatural" and "ungodly", saying, "We have bikes for a reason."
In a later skit, Armstrong tried his hand at writing a song for Crow, sitting at a piano and singing such over-the-top lyrics as:
"Oh girl, I love you so much, you make me feel like Al Capone, who was a robber, please blow a kiss at me.
"Oh no, it was an emergency, when I fell in love with you, somebody call the love police.
"I'm your widdle baby, goo goo gah gah, bestest friends and lovers, forever lady."
The show also poked fun at US Vice President Dick Cheney over the indictment of top White House aide I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby and the withdrawn US Supreme Court nomination of Harriet Miers.