A communist’s guide to surviving a conference

2012-07-12 07:23

Tips for delegates of the SACP’s 13th conference that kicks off near Empangeni today.

» Learn the Internationale, for goodness sake. All good communists should be able to sing it without a hymn sheet.

It will be sung at the opening of the congress and it’s no use chewing your tongue when it’s sung, because it will be clear that you don’t know it.

» Take a dictionary. Some words like “demagogy”, “tendencies”, “ideologues”, and “oligopoly” appear in discussion documents and speeches and might need looking up.

Ask Blade or any comrade who had become overnight billionaires after going into business ventures with government to tell you what a “tenderpreneur” is.

» Wear a red T-shirt with communist or unionist badges on it. In the SACP there are no factions, because Blade has said so.

» Take some cash with you. The catering at the University of Zululand isn’t too shabby, but for the real food you’d want to go to a chisa nyama in the nearby township.

Being a communist doesn’t mean eating food that looks as if it comes from a Soviet era cookbook.

» Take dark glasses and headache pills. Discussing Marxist, Leninist and Trotskyist philosophies till late into the night often requires that you lubricate your throat with liquids that could make you feel worse for wear the next morning.

» Whatever you do, don’t talk about two hats. Gwede from the ANC might be stepping down from his SACP position, but we’re told that Blade likes his government beemer as much as he likes being Party boss.

Join the conversation!

24.com encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.