A smile on your dial

2014-12-14 12:00

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If we didn’t laugh this year, we’d probably just cry. Thembisile Dzonzi rounded up SA’s favourite comedians and asked for their favourite jokes, the ones that had us in stitches

Celeste Ntuli

“I’m just going to date Robin Thicke. Thickes are nice people. When they mess up, they apologise – albums and albums of apologies. What do Dumisanis apologise with? Savannahs, airtime and Brazilian weaves.”

Conrad Koch (Chester Missing)

“The only way the Dalai Lama would get a visa for South Africa is if he changes his name to Dalai Gupta.”

Loyiso Madinga

“I’m ok with being short. I’m not one of those short people who walk around thinking high heels are the devil, or that the top shelf is the secret place where tall people hide the truth.”

Chris Forrest

“I think the real problem is punctuation. Instead of saying ‘there is no power crisis’, what the government should be saying is: ‘There is no power. Crisis!’”

Deep Fried Man

“When Steve Hofmeyr says something, South Africans of all races bond over what a tool he is. This makes him a tool for nation-building.”

Mary Scary

“The only person with a bigger ego than a drag queen is a restaurant manager. The only difference between God and a restaurant manager is God doesn’t think he’s a restaurant manager.”

Loyiso Gola

“Beetroot is like the EFF of vegetables, because wherever beetroot is on the plate, the whole plate is red.”

Trevor Noah

“There’s a whole other side of Africa you never get to see. Africa is worried about you guys. African mothers say be grateful for what you have because there are fat children starving in Mississippi. Some of my friends got together and I told them, ‘Guys, for just a few pennies a day, you can help an American’.”

Nik Rabinowitz

“There are two murders South Africans generally frown upon. My advice to prospective killers is that they should avoid shooting either white women, or black?...?rhinos.”

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