Be responsible for your orgasm

2014-09-19 18:45

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Jade Zwane has published erotic fiction, is an educational speaker, has trained as a life and sex coach – and launches her debut sex column in #Trending

Like all great things, good sex requires work.

Yes, there are those rare occasions when you’ll meet someone and they’ll know just what to do to make for magical memories.

But consistently good sex requires effort.

To expect your partner to navigate your body without your guidance is not only unfair, but unrealistic. As it is, our needs are ever changing. What arouses you today may not have the same effect in the future.

I blame society and women’s magazines, which bombard us with stories about “how to keep your man satisfied” and other variations, for our skewed perception of what sex is supposed to be.

Men are very capable of ensuring their satisfaction, and they do, often before you “get yours”. It’s a myth that great sex just happens and men come with a wealth of accurate sexual knowledge about the female body.

Now to all the men reading this, this is not an attack on you. Nothing could be further from the truth. If she wants orgasms, she needs to take responsibility for them and say what works and what doesn’t, and co-create them with you.

Communication is key. Very often, we need to communicate our needs during the act. You don’t need to equip your partner with an instruction manual but, when they do something you enjoy, say so. And if you don’t like something, say something.

Women often assume that men don’t want to learn about sex. It can be challenging. But it is the only thing that will bring us gratification. And I have yet to meet a man who was not open to suggestion.

Sometimes they feel clumsy and try to hide it with bravado, like we all do, but with care and communication, they can become better lovers.

Men, it is possibly going to screw with your masculinity and your innate need to control the situation. I know many of you hate asking for directions.

But if you are going to be with a woman who puts in effort and communication in bed, you are going to reward these women for giving you an education. You are going to reward them by listening to and meeting their sexual needs – and they yours.

And women, you are just going to have to accept the possibility of being judged for being a sexual individual who knows what you want.

You are responsible for your orgasm and this will require you to be in tune with your body and its needs, but that’s a topic for another day.

To start, you admit that you want it. Then you determine that you are going to make it good.

Not that you are going to hope and pray that this guy will magically “get it”.

You are going to ensure your satisfaction beyond a shadow of doubt through your willingness and patience to educate your partner about your needs.

If you are going to have the best sex you’ve ever had, it’s up to you. It’s your time, your sexual energy and your resources.

Sex is one of its greatest pleasures in life, and I do believe many people want to have good sex whether they admit it or not.

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