Blame the architects for everything

2014-09-29 13:45

One would think that your career would be over if you were a prophet who failed to predict the death of scores of people in a building you own.

But no, people are blaming the architect for the building collapse in Lagos, Jacob Zuma-style.

Being an architect is a very high-risk job these days. It’s just a matter of time before we blame them for Ebola.

Of course, with Nigeria and South Africa having a coalition against dodgy architects, we are letting TB Joshua into South Africa.

The Dalai Lama would get a visa if he could prove Tibet was invaded by Chinese architects.

Oscar Pistorius dodged a murder rap because, lucky for him, the floor at Tashas decided not to press charges. Judge Thokozile Masipa reckons Oscar shot four shots but wasn’t really planning on killing anyone.

Shrien Dewani needs to take note – the only way you can convince us Africans you are not a murderer is if you shoot while your target is having a poo, or prove it was the architect’s fault.

That’s why South Africans say the “architects of apartheid” – even apartheid is somebody else’s fault.

The problem is that just about nobody takes the blame for their own rubbish.

Like the Economic Freedom Fighters’ Floyd Shivambu accusing Deputy President Cyril Ramaphosa of being a careerist.

The communist who drives a Porsche thinks the founder of the National Union of Mineworkers is a careerist. Floyd, my brother, you have truly found your inner architect.

And labour federation Cosatu has decided that where the revolution is really at is getting people to stop watching Generations.

We have people being shot down by the police, and our biggest trade union’s hot issue is a TV show.

It didn’t really work. Cosatu has 2?million members and Generations has 5?million viewers. Cosatu forgot to nationalise arithmetic.

Look at the way Parliament, the body mandated with fixing South Africa, spent an entire day debating whether Speaker Baleka Mbete is a puppet.

This is a complete waste of time. We know she’s a puppet, but with 62%, the ANC could put Kermit the Frog in there.

The DA showed its anger by marching out at 6:30pm, because we all know Woolworths closes at 7pm.

Now the ANC’s Thandi Modise, famous for her inability to feed pigs, is saying there should be limits on the freedom of speech.

Yes, Thandi, start with your guy Kebby Maphatsoe, who allegedly called Helen Zille a “wild whore” and Thuli Madonsela a “CIA agent”, the feminist revolutionary he is.

We live in an era of contradictions where the Soweto Derby happens in Durban. Next, the Durban July will be in Port Elizabeth in April.

@chestermissing is SA’s top political analyst puppet and winner of the Comics’ Pen Award 2014

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