Chester Missing: Heritage Day? Braai Day? It’s all just #thatawkwardmoment

2013-10-06 14:00

That anyone still even attempts to call Heritage Day “Braai Day” blows my little puppet brains.

Woolworths, etc, must totally and utterly reject this k*k. If your heritage involved slavery, then at least have the modesty not to rebrand everyone’s culture with your own word for burning meat.

This much-maligned Braai Day is part of a bigger battle over our historic memory.

We all remember stuff that makes us feel good. That’s why we paint schools. Painting schools is the social-change equivalent of aromatherapy. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it makes you feel great.

It’s like the way rich people believe that they became rich because they’re cleverer and harder working than poor people.

One look at the Kardashians will prove it’s a lie.

It’s like the Old Testament’s two creation stories: the one with the apple and the one with the seven days.

Priests sold the seven-day one because they got tithes on the day of rest. It was like an ancient version of Woolworths liking Braai Day.

Ordinary people told the apple story because it explained, er, where to get spare ribs.

This selective memory is part of what makes the media debate so heated.

Richard Calland, a white guy from the University of Cape Town, was probably right when he said President Jacob Zuma reads less than Mbeki. Besides, we all know Zuma prefers listening to tapes.

Then again, Calland belongs to the population group that denied the president access to education – and Calland made his remarks at the Cape Town Press Club, a group so white they make the Springboks look diverse.

Turns out Calland is like a walking version of the Twitter hashtag #thatawkwardmoment.

Take this infamous auntie, the “white widow”. It’s hard not to wonder what’s up when the media sees terrorists pull off a “successful” attack in Kenya and then they decide it must be the white one who’s in charge.

By now, only an ANN7 reporter would be confused as to the race of this one terrorist.

This history-creation process gets even more insane at crime stats time. We release crime stats once a year and release the criminals every day, but it should be the other way around.

The problem is that the DA seems to deny apartheid in their enthusiasm to prove that crime, education and poverty are entirely the ANC’s fault, and it probably all started at Nkandla.

In this historical battle, the ANC needs to continuously define itself as oppressed.

But they are like the fat guy at the therapy group for anorexics.

They need to be asking themselves the big question: How do you kill citizens and then lie about it at the commission of inquiry?

Somebody needs to call the police?...?oh ja.

»?@chestermissing is a puppet political analyst on the satire show Late Nite News on eNCA

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