Chester Missing: Not even the Proteas have the level of spin in SA politics

2013-09-09 10:00

The Freedom Front (FF) is fighting the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) because the FF thinks the EFF is racist.

I could say that is the pot calling the kettle black, but that’s exactly the wrong metaphor.

I am guessing the FF’s real issue with the EFF is that this whole land-grabbing thing was actually originally their idea.

The FF’s boss (funny that EFF is just FF with more E – party on, Juju!), Pieter Mulder, has theories about how black people also colonised South Africa.

Based on this theory, he should be fine with someone recolonising his car, or, as I call it, “hijacking”.

We are debating social reality here, comrades.

In terms of our number of media platforms, South Africa is tiny, a small village. We’re like South Park, but Kenny doesn’t get killed, he gets kicked out of the EFF.

ANN7’s entire marketing plan has been to give us Afrocentric news. They also had a go at “old farts”, which is ironic because the icon of Africanist politics, Rob Mugabe, is 89 and still winning. He’s the Lance Armstrong of old farts, but with more balls.

Unfortunately, ANN7 is so bad it makes the acting on Generations look good. The Mother City is now Joburg. That’s either very dof, or some deep pro-ANC propaganda.

This whole Syria thing is a debate over definitions. The people who brought us Twinkies, Coca-Cola and McDonald’s are accusing other countries of chemical warfare. Thanks America. One person’s drone is another’s chemical.

I guess if poo throwers (low-budget chemical warfare) wanted the US of A to take note of them they need to cover themselves in oil. This works.

Ask the penguins in Cape Town. Throw poo and white people will ignore you. Cover yourself in oil and they’ll give you food and shelter.

This debate over definitions is how social power is negotiated.

Look at Jacob Zuma’s lawyer. He’s trying to convince us Msholozi isn’t stalling over handing over the spy tapes. Not even the Proteas have that level of spin.

In fact, the whole race thing was spin to start with.

Europeans had their “Enlightenment” and, in one breath, said we should be objective and, in the next, said they were cleverer than everyone else.

It’s hypocrisy, like a Zuma supporter at a Vavi sex-scandal debate.

When colonialism kicked in, the only way to justify “discovering” places where there were people already living was to make out that those people weren’t really people, hence the birth of (male) whiteness. It was like the 18th-century version of a Diners Club card.

We must reject the definitions the powerful force on us. This is why I love Chelsea (formerly Bradley) Manning. She is a whistle-blower who is also transgender. She’s Vladimir Putin’s worst nightmare.

» @chestermissing is a puppet political analyst on LNN on eNCA

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