Chester Missing: Smoking gun lays bare the cultural logic of our rainbow nation

2014-03-17 10:00

The only way this Oscar Pistorius trial could get more press is if Oscar joins the EFF. Julius Malema will tell him he’s being targeted and the cricket bat was planted by Gwede Mantashe.

And when the EFF finds out that Oscar’s lawyer, Barry Roux, charges R40?000 a day, it will try to nationalise him.

Every cultural event engages a rationale – it’s sales pitch – much like Eskom telling us it’s the rain wetting the coal that screwed us all over last week.

Obviously, watching the weather report is beyond Eskom’s technical capabilities.

Roux’s pitch to us is that witnesses heard a cricket bat breaking down a door, not a gun. I am sure that’s why Graeme Smith is resigning?–?all the gunfire, I mean, cricket bat sounds.

In the Oscar trial, the cultural logic is of a crime-ridden society where we have to hide behind high fences.

With his track record, you could argue the security at Oscar’s house is to protect us rather than him.

But the sad truth is that a white man will get away with killing a white woman if his lawyer can sell the idea that he thought it was actually a black man he killed.

Welcome to the rainbow nation.

There is a psyche of oppression among some parts of white South Africa that believes even rhinos are having an easier time.

How do you colonise a country, disenfranchise its inhabitants and then act like its actually you who’s the victim?

Oscar, it seems, had a little fearmongering Steve Hofmeyr in his head telling him that a dangerous burglar had broken into his house, sneaked past his bed and decided to take a shit before stealing stuff.

But let us not judge – unless you are Judge Thokozile Masipa.

We all tell ourselves ridiculous stories to justify our bullshit. Look at how the ANC just put its disgraced ex-communications minister Dina Pule on its electoral candidate list.

At this rate, they might as well go ahead and renew Oscar’s gun licence.

Or look at how, when the president got booed at the Bafana vs Brazil match, Fikile Mbalula blamed Satanism. Satan didn’t build Nkandla, Thulas Nxesi did.

Besides, Satanists don’t have that level of planning. They can’t get their church off the ground because they keep killing their new recruits.

Speaking truth to power means questioning literally everyone’s rationale. If the national team loses but the crowd boos you, Mr President, it’s fair to assume it’s not load shedding, it’s revenge.

If you own a gun loaded with fancy bullets made for maximum tissue damage, we must assume that you are not security conscious, you are a nutcase.

@chestermissing is a puppet political analyst on eNCA’s Late Nite News

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