Enough to make you break out in a vodka sweat: Juju channels Zuma

2013-11-18 14:16

Monday morning. I’m lying on the couch.

I’m a bit broken. I’m battling to get my bearings. Sunday night was tough. But cool.

Sunday was a non-league Sunday. No proper football. Only friendly internationals and other muppetry.

The Ghenginator was lying low after a brutal Saturday. One thing led to another and I ended up in an extended Vodka-driven discussion about celibacy with a former Mrs Harper. Like I say, it was a non-league weekend.

I’m on the couch. It’s Durban so I don’t have any clothes on. It helps.

The Commander in Chief is on the idiot box. Actually, the Commander in Chief is on a podium. Outside Polokwane court. In a black suit, white shirt and red tie. And a chiskop. Except it’s not the Commander in Chief. The Original One. Number One. Nxamalala. Mzekezeke.

The Commander in Chief on the podium outside the court isn’t Jacob Zuma. It’s the would-be Commander in Chief, Julius Malema.

This Commander in Chief used to work for the Commander in Chief. This Commander in Chief even wanted to kill for the Commander in Chief.

Back in the day. Before they fell out. And the current Commander in Chief booted him out and he switched berets.

The would-be Commander in Chief is on fire. Spitting. But calm. Short sentences. Lots of repetition. Lots of cats in black suits with shades, firepower and umbrellas.

The would-be Commander in Chief is sounding like the Commander in Chief (Original) used to. In the Zunami days. When it was his turn to be roasted. When the Commander in Chief was holding courthouse rallies in Pietermaritzburg and Durban. When the would-be Commander in Chief wanted to kill for the Commander in Chief.

The would-be Commander in Chief sounds like he borrowed the Commander in Chief’s old 2008 script. From back in the day when S’dumo loved Vavi and Vavi loved the Commander in Chief. It’s word-for-word stuff. Makes me break out in a vodka sweat.

It wasn’t me. They’re using the courts to screw me. Because they’re shit scared of me.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

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