Heels over head: Beware the gym swallows

2014-10-19 15:00

Could you please calm down and crawl back into the beds and couches from whence you came? Yes, I’m talking to you.

All you gym swallows and New Year’s resolutionists, as well as you awkward-limbed people who clog up my gym floor with short-lived visions of a better you before you disappear into the mists of snooze-button sleepiness again.

It is that time of the year again when, soon after the first thunderstorm and warm spring day, the masses realise that the summer holidays are upon us, and soon it won’t be possible to hide the winter padding inside a loose-hanging jacket or shawl. Short sleeves can be cruel to over-indulged upper arms, not to mention bikinis or Speedos.

But hear me now: you’re a disruptive lot, you people who merely dabble in workouts. You annoy us hardened fitness freaks who do not shrink in the face of 5am darkness and -10°C in mid-July.

We are always there, on the spinning bike, in icy cold pool or on the bench press, even when you are not. And now you come to display a new-found interest in sit-ups and there’s no room left to swing a cat – let alone a kettle bell – in our gyms.

We cannot even remember what a fart trapped under a warm blanket smells like. You seasoned sloths are champion Dutch oven players. Just keep playing, won’t you?

Don’t bother to torture yourself by setting the alarm even a minute earlier than your usual rise because a week or two into your fitness “regime”, you won’t be bothering any more – then all that pain was for no gain.

We, the champion gods and goddesses of fitness, the showcases of virtue, we should really be rewarded with more than just rude health and toned muscles. But then you one-hit-gym-wonders come, emerge temporarily from your haze of laziness and get a nifty little branded rucksack that you never even use.

But I bet you happy lazy lot have loving relationships with significant others and spoon until the sun comes up. I bet your friend with overnight benefits doesn’t call you dull when you call time on him and the Merlot at midnight because you have to sober up before yoga in the morning. I bet your old hubby lovingly calls your muffin top “love handles” and your wife loves your beer belly.

On the other hand, for those who genuinely want to get out there and surf the wave of the beautiful summer days and start a lifetime of fitness, here are a few tips to keep you from giving up too early:

.?Find an exercise you like but that challenges you in a good way. You’re more likely to want to stick with it.

.?Make exercise part of your daily routine.

.?Don’t leave it to chance – consciously set aside time in your day for training and stick to it.

.?Get a personal trainer or a gym buddy, or join a class or running group if you struggle with motivation.

.?Remember, a toned and healthy body is not just for the festive season. It’s your biggest asset – for life.

Join the conversation!

24.com encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions.

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24

Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.