How to have your best sex

2015-03-06 07:00

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Your body is worthy of pleasure. Jade Zwane suggests you introduce yourself toyour intimate places, and share this new knowledge

You’re not necessarily going to feel like a goddess every time you have sex. Women tend to worry about whether they’re thin enough or sexy enough; they fret about the dreaded cellulite or whether their vulva is “normal” and looks like “everyone else’s”.

You may not be at your ideal weight and look like Beyoncé, but you’re a work in progress. Enjoy your body as it is while you work towards your goal. It’s what you have until you reach your ideal weight, if that’s what you’re working towards. And you deserve pleasure in the interim.

Let me tell you this: guys worth your time don’t really care if you’re a little overweight or have cellulite. They’re just happy to be with you. If he’s not a douchebag and sees that you are insecure, most guys will reassure you about how great they think you look.

But the sexy has to start with you. You need to allow yourself to be and feel sexy. And it’s okay – it doesn’t make you promiscuous or conceited. Give yourself permission to be a sexual being and explore your sexuality on your own terms.

As far as the vulva goes, every one is unique and beautiful. Get to know your vulva – no partner should know it better than you do. Use a mirror and your hand to get acquainted. If you feel it doesn’t appear “normal” or if you have a discharge or experience pain during intercourse, see a doctor. Get to know your body. Stand in front of a mirror naked and explore every inch of it. I’m the biggest advocate of self-pleasure and of feeling your way around yourself. Get to know what gets you off so you can communicate this information with your partner.

Your goal should never be to be the best sexual experience your partner’s ever had. And yes, orgasms are mind-blowing, but that shouldn’t be your priority either. Enjoy the act itself. And, if you want to blow your partner’s mind, ask them what they like. Everyone is different – there’s no one trick that works on everyone.

Don’t forget to talk about sexually transmitted infections, sexual histories and contraception openly and honestly, so you know where you stand with each other.

Also voice your desires and hear what your partner’s are. If you feel uncomfortable discussing all this with your partner, perhaps you should reconsider the union.

If you’ve done all you can and still feel insecure, see a therapist, because the insecurities may stem from a deeper emotional vulnerability. Asking for and getting professional help is always a great form of self-care.

Most importantly, sex is meant to be fun, so relax and enjoy it.

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