"I haven’t climaxed in 10 years"

2015-03-15 19:30

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#Trending’s resident sex coach, Jade Zwane, answers some of your burning questions

Dear Jade. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 years and I have never climaxed. What can I do about this? How do I tell him that I am not satisfied?

Do you masturbate? If you don’t, you should definitely start. Find out what turns you on and communicate that to him. If you do masturbate and still struggle to climax, then perhaps see a professional about your problem. It could be physical, or even psychological.

Hi Jade. I am married, but I’m having an affair with a married man who doesn’t want us to use a condom. He keeps saying that he knows I don’t sleep around, but I don’t know if I can say the same for him. Should I stop worrying and just trust what he is saying?

You can’t trust a man who is cheating on his wife. If he can do it with you, he’ll do it to you. My concern is for your husband. You don’t have to love him, but respect him enough to protect him from diseases. Please use condoms.

Hi Jade. I’m currently dating a lady who I love very much. We sleep together every night and I believe she is satisfied. But she’s also dating two other guys and, of course, I’m jealous. Why do you think she is dating other guys?

It sounds as though you have an open relationship, which entitles both of you to see other people. I don’t know what her reasons are for wanting this kind of relationship. There could be many. You would need to ask her. If the set-up brings out the worst in you – like you said, you get jealous – perhaps it’s not for you. Sit your lady down and tell her how you feel.

Dear Jade. How safe are genital piercings? I am thinking about getting a vertical clitoral-hood piercing. Do they really increase sexual satisfaction?

Like most things, there is an element of risk. Risk in terms of the hygiene of the tools being used, piercing the wrong place and the possibility of infection. From having spoken to someone with a vertical clitoral-hood piercing, she cited the contrary. She takes longer to orgasm and feels less sensation in the pierced area.

I have been single for two years and don’t have regular sex. Are there any long-term effects for women if they don’t have sex regularly? Can any ‘damage’ be done to the body?

There are no adverse effects to abstinence. Physiologically, nothing bad happens to the body when we go without intercourse. I’d like to ask about the definition of rape.

If someone penetrates another person orally with an object, is it still rape?

The definition of rape varies within different countries. I’m not sure if what you’re describing would constitute rape or sexual assault. If this is bothering you, I suggest you see a lawyer about it for greater clarity on the issue.

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