I heart Jozi: Who’s afraid of little humans?

2011-06-30 07:03

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the person you leave your children with. I’m terrified of little humans. And I’m pretty sure they sense it too.

All throughout one of my closest friends’ pregnancy, I touched her stomach just once and was never drawn to do it again.

I am now her son’s godmother and love the little rascal to bits but his mother’s pregnancy was probably stranger to me than her and that’s pretty odd.

See, it all started with an episode of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The evil Shredder places meatball-shaped eggs on pizzas and once ingested the eggs hatch and out pop evil monsters.

See how this (admittedly ridiculous) story could lead one to think ill of any pregnancy?

Well, that episode seemingly booked a cosy room in some corner of my subconscious and now that babies are not as far off into the future as they used to be, that little room has been upgraded to a mansion with a magical view.

So to (very) slowly get used to the idea that I might just be someone’s mom one day, I’m compiling a list of the benefits of having little humans around:

1. You get to split house chores under the guise of “raising you to one day be able to take care of your own home”.

2. They keep you updated on what cool kids are doing nowadays – although, if my reaction to my dad’s Facebook friendship request is anything to go by, this might not be the best thing for them.

3. You always have a good excuse to get out of things you weren’t really keen on doing anyway.

Nothing trumps: “I would have loved to join you curtain shopping but the little one is ill.”

4. No one looks at you funny if they walk into a room and you are watching cartoons.

I have heard friends say: “Oh no, the TV has been on that channel since the morning – you know how these kids love these shows.”

5. You are bound to be presented with a fresh way of looking at life. Kids’ brains work in the strangest ways.

My niece couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that she was born naked, she just can’t imagine going anywhere without her little pink tutu and Dora the Explorer bag.

6. Uhm ... hmmm ... well ...

Let’s hope the list grows in coming years.

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