Land of contradictions

2013-04-07 10:01

In South Africa, we don’t need “Earth Hour” to switch off the lights. We have Eskom to do that for us.

The head of our Olympic committee is a round guy called Tubby.

Our most senior communist is called Blade, but he’s never killed any vampires (although I hear he’s threatened some pale blood suckers called capitalists).

We are a land of contradiction, and most of all when it comes to race.

For example, take Mr Sindane – a white guy who was a black guy, who died tragically and was called Happy.

It’s kind of like the emotional version of Tubby.

In South Africa, all human life is said to be equal, but we only knew of Happy Sindane because he was part white and said he’d been abducted by black folks.

If white people steal you, it’s not abduction, it’s Angelina Jolie.

The only way this could be more South African is if Oscar Pistorius’ dad told us that the black part of Happy Sindane killed the white part.

South Africa is a poster child for the danger of racial essentialism, but we still obsess over it.

Former ANC Youth League chief hatemonger, Floyd Shivambu, is studying at Wits.

Wait until he finds out that “wit” is Afrikaans for white.

The problem is that we deny our contradictions.

The media is so used to portraying coloured people in a stereotypical light that some people have started thinking Trevor Manuel is Italian.

We should celebrate Lindiwe Mazibuko’s Model C accent, although I am suspicious it’s actually Helen Zille doing ventriloquism.

Don’t question how Lindiwe talks, question her middle class politics.

Judging people by how they talk is like looking for ripe mangos by squeezing the box.

If we start judging people by how they talk, someone could easily mistake comrade Dr Blade Nzimande for a budgie.

The contradictions of our politics are the same.

President Jacob Zuma said: “Everyone wants to run the country.”

I am pretty certain “everyone” is one of the Guptas.

In South Africa, the police are as dangerous as criminals.

It’s Riah Phiyega Vaya, rapid transit to Daveyton.

The Democratic Alliance, big cheese opposition, is so short of heroes they claim the spirit of ANC icon Nelson Mandela.

Shame, I guess we’ve never seen anyone in a “Free Tony Leon” T-shirt. Now the ANC have renamed the DA the “NPA”.

I told the ANC’s head of communications, Keith Khoza, that the National Planning Commission is so DA I have started calling Manuel “Lindiwe”.

We must reject the simplistic, dualistic ideas of race and politics we have been given, and at the same time remember the Black Mamba that escaped from Pretoria Zoo.

In South Africa, even snakes are victims of discriminatory racial profiling.

» Missing is a puppet political analyst on Late Nite News with Loyiso Gola on eNCA

Join the conversation! encourages commentary submitted via MyNews24. Contributions of 200 words or more will be considered for publication.

We reserve editorial discretion to decide what will be published.
Read our comments policy for guidelines on contributions. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Inside News24


5 top leg exercises for men

Here’s our selection of the five best leg exercises that you can do in the comfort of your own home.


You won't want to miss...

WATCH: Pornhub is giving users free access to premium content this holidays
5 top leg exercises for men
10 best dressed men of 2017
How to open a beer bottle without an opener
Traffic Alerts
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.