Law and Order meets The Muppet Show, feat. Jeff Radebe

2013-05-20 15:19

Sunday morning. Well, afternoon actually. The TV’s on. There’s about three and a half hours until do or die time for the Gunners if they want the shekels from playing in Europe.

I’m feeling nervous. We’ve made things difficult for ourselves this season. Again.

I’m also feeling really sorry for Jeff Radebe. Jeff’s a pretty cool cat. Even if he is a politician. Jeff has a sense of humour. And a sense of decency. Jeff also bought my book, and asked me to sign it for him.

Jeff has a tough job. Actually Jeff has two tough jobs. Jeff’s day job is minister of justice. That means he runs the criminal justice system. This means he has to deal with the National Prosecuting Authority (NPA).

Remember them? They are the cats who are meant to prosecute criminals and send them to jail. Even if they’re rich, powerful or politically connected. Unless, of course, they’re J Arthur Brown, Mike Mabuyakhulu or Peggy Nkonyeni.

I reckon the NPA should be on TV. Our hard working prosecutorial service should have their own show. It would be great. Full of drama. Our finest legal minds at work. Bad guys getting their desserts. It would be a big hit on the Cartoon Network: Law and Order meets the Muppet Show.

Then there’s Jeff’s night job: head of policy at the ANC. That must be a lot of fun. Like juggling tennis balls wrapped in razor wire with your bare hands.

Think about it. It’s ANC conference time. The comrades have already steered policy discussions through branches, regions and provinces. And the ANC policy conference. A lot of minds have been applied.

The comrades sit down at conference and discuss policies. They adopt them. The comrades have spoken. Everybody goes home. The comrades in Parliament and the legislature turn these policies into laws.

They even decide to keep old ones. Like the National Key Points Act. Then the comrades in government departments turn them into rules. Everybody’s quoting the same act when they’re telling the media to piss off.

Then the commander in chief’s bras break the rules. Again.

Back to Sunday. Jeff’s looking like he’s eating broken glass. He’s trying not to make eye contact with the camera. I don’t blame the man. Cabinet’s cleared itself of any wrongdoing in the Guptakloof fiasco.

The commander in chief? Pure as the driven snow, baby. The big lahnee’s been doubly, no trebly, cleared by the cats and catesses who he appointed. We’re all in the clear. We’ll fire some minion. Or re-deploy them.

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