Let’s talk sex toys, ladies

2012-09-29 16:17

They say a diamond is a woman’s best friend, but some women admit that sex toys are their real bosom buddies. Babalwa Shota and Sixolisiwe Ndawo host a few women for a round-table discussion.

It’s a balmy Friday night in Jozi.

A group of women congregate in a house in Sandton.

The room is cosy, with mood lighting and tables pushed together to make the setting more intimate.

This could be a stokvel, a prayer group or a book club.

The only difference is that the women are fawning over an assortment of sex toys in the middle of the table – vibrators, penis rings, clitoris stimulators.

The venue is the Lola Montez adult toy shop. Owner Sharon Gordon is dying to ask the question: “How many of you ladies own a sex toy?”

Seven of the 15 women put up their hands while the rest shake their heads and sink back into their chairs.

“My ex-boyfriend bought me my first dildo because he said he couldn’t keep up,” says Mpho Moloi (30), an accountant.

A roar of laughter erupts and testimonies to that statement follow.

Athi Sabo (24) sheepishly confesses: “The first time I entered a sex shop was to buy a friend a birthday present. But I ended up keeping it and using it myself.”

A voice pipes up: “Roger Rabbits are the best though, aren’t they?”

A chorus of affirmation pipes up. These ladies know what they are about.

Nonzwakazi Cekete (29) bursts the bubble: “I don’t use sex toys. I prefer the real deal!”

More laughter. But Lola Montez’s Gordon wants to know if she’s ever tried a vibrator before. Cekete admits she hasn’t.
“So how can you know if you’ve never used it?” asks Gordon. “And while we’re at it, how many of you masturbate?”

Strategic planner Sam Beckbessinger (25) volunteers that she masturbates every day. “It’s just one of those things.”
Others give numbers – three times a week, maybe twice a week, never ...

Gordon then suggests that the ladies should try pleasuring themselves in front of their partners.

“Men are visual creatures. They like to watch. If a man doesn’t like to watch, then he doesn’t have a pulse.”

Jade Zwane, author of the erotic book AdDICKted and sex coach in training, adds: “Every lover that I’ve ever suggested a vibrator to has been receptive.

They get excited, which makes them even more aroused, which means they can go on for longer.”

Some of the more daring ladies talk about how they have managed to introduce a third party to their relationships without making their men feel “small”, so to speak.

“If you see toys as part of the play and not the end game, you will feel comfortable with it,” says Gordon.

The talk moves further south. It’s cunnilingus time. Gordon takes matters into her hands when she pulls one of the ladies for a “muff demonstration”.

There’s silence and a collective thud of 15 heartbeats racing up as we watch Gordon erotically lick and suck on a woman’s hand.

The lady in question blushes bright pink, pulls her hand off and runs outside for some air.

So how was it for her, we ask. She’s speechless.

It’s said that women from Lesotho are taught how to sexually please their men as part of their right of passage to womanhood.

This leads to a talk about culture and sex.

Actress Zee Zee (27) shares about myths and taboos in the Eastern Cape, where they had been doing research for an educational project.

“Women in rural areas are getting cervical cancer because they insert tobacco in their vaginas in an attempt to remain dry for their husbands.

Men label their women loose if they are aroused. It’s all a matter of ignorance. People need to be educated out there,” she says.

Though the talk becomes serious at times, it keeps moving to the more fun and frivolous stuff.

Moloi, who admits to having a big sexual appetite, shares: “When I’m in a boring meeting, I cross my legs and go to ‘that place’. It’s about the power of the mind. The brain is the best sex organ.”

Zee Zee concurs. “If you cross your legs, you stimulating your clitoris and doing so can lead to an orgasm all by yourself.”
The women laugh and high-fives are thrown around the room.

Publicist Hlengiwe Mbambo (26) admits to never having gone beyond the norm when it comes to sex.

She wanted to know how the assortment of toys on the table worked.

Gordon takes the reins again. The penis ring gets the first round.

“This is a perfect way to introduce sex toys into a relationship because it works for both partners. The best part about it is that a man can climax, but he won’t go soft.”

Smiles all round.

Next is the We Vibe. But the ladies seem enamoured with a particular orange silicone object.

It’s switched on, placed on various body parts, passed on.

“Ooohhhhs” and “Aaahhhs” rise up. Yep, they like this one alright.

Myths were busted about white women being more sexually adventurous than black women.

Says Gordon: “If your man says ‘oh, but my white girlfriend used to do that’, tell him she lied, hence she left him.”

Bedroom tricks were exchanged and dildos were bought, bullets (the pleasure kind) were given and some heady scents were sniffed.

After the candles were blown out, the ladies reluctantly vacated, begging for more workshops and talks like this.

Men, we hope you’re listening.

»Lola Montez hosts regular ladies’ nights. For more information, visit www.lolamontez.co.za


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