Like feminists doing porn

2014-08-05 13:45

I wish Parliament had bought the Kyalami race track when it was sold the other day.

If it did, the SA Communist Party’s Blade Nzimande in his R1?million BMW, and Floyd Shivambu from the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) in his Porsche Panamera, could compete in the Socialism Grand Prix.

Because when you’re in a car worth more than an average South African’s entire life earnings, a race track is the closest thing you’ll ever get to a revolution.

How socialist can South Africa ever really be when even our most rabid socialists drive Porsches and Beemers? It’s like feminists making porn videos.

Of course, the EFF is also saying stuff that really needs to be said. Like Juju’s “don’t pay your TV licence”.

Who needs a TV licence when we get to see the saviour of the working class in a Porsche? Next they can put Jub Jub into an Arrive Alive campaign.

The thing is that the EFF is a small fry when it comes to excess.

The sultan of selfies, Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula, said Durban would hold the Commonwealth Games without checking with Durban.

Mbaks is busy arranging a surprise party for an entire city.

And King Goodwill Zwelithini is on his sixth wife, something that will surely give Comrade President some serious marriage fomo.

Thabo Mbeki went to the arms deal commission and did 67 minutes of spin-doctoring for Nelson Mandela.

At least the lawyers got the jobs they were promised.

Simultaneously, we have some white Afrikaans extremists wanting their own homeland. They’re adamant their ancestors didn’t steal the land, they bought it. Odd they had guns while they did all this “buying”.

If they pull off this argument, hijackers across South Africa will be downgraded to “assertive shoppers”.

To be fair, often the absolute doyens of excess are holier-than-thou liberal white South Africans. How do you earn on average six times more than a black person and then tell them you don’t see colour?

Well, isn’t that convenient?

You know you have mastered racism when you have even successfully found a way to make being “nonracial” racist.

So can the EFF change things, really?

The police are laying charges against them for the overalls sit-in. The EFF is responding by laying charges against the police.

Apparently clogging the justice system is part of economic freedom. But Julius Malema is correct in saying that Mandela once said “nationalise mines”.

He also said “pay your taxes”, but hey, let’s not be picky. The fact is they might be the least hypocritical of all of us.

» Missing is SA’s top puppet political analyst. Follow him on Twitter @chestermissing

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