Making sex spicier than Durban’s cuisine

2010-02-06 13:09

MY aunt is (in)famous for declaring that every

sexually active woman must have a sex shop she frequents to a point of being on

a first name basis with the staff. She also recommends that a woman’s fingers

must have a very close bond with her nether regions.

“Sex is as basic as breathing,” are her sage words “enjoy


My aunt and I have been talking about sexual pleasure and

satisfaction from when I volunteered I was having it out of wedlock and was keen

to explore deeper than the traditional foreplay wham-bang routine.

I have been trawling sex shops ever since. I also scour the

internet looking “ways to please a man”.

I am so hooked on finding spicy thrills, I even buy

pleasure-enhancing guides at Exclusive Books (the till counter used to be

awesome). I encourage other sisters to follow in the steps of the countless

“f**k me” heels I am infamous for.

I was once upon a time a sexual prude. Sure I did things; hand

jobs, public displays of affection and other standard to a point of being dull

things. Then, one-night, a male friend and I drove past a prostitute infested


I expressed disdain. He hailed them as the “best thing about



“You are too empowered to understand,” the happily married one

declared. Pressed for details, he ranted about us regular women – wives and

girlfriends – being too dull to satisfy a man’s lust and sexual appetite.

“Dull” because we associate sex with R&B video images of rose

petals, kisses and some nibbles. We want sex that fits our good girl personas.

“It’s boring,” he said.

He set me on the path to sexual freedom; I could now have sex in a

parking lot as compared to a car parked in a garage at home.

Seeing sex from the male perspective has changed how I think about

it. For starters, it made me realise that men are thorough skanks – no shame,

restraint or boundaries – as confirmed by a book called the Diary of a Manhattan

Call Girl, a fictional account of a prostitute’s sexcapades.

It made me think about why some men frequent strip joints.

Prostitutes and lap dancers deliver sex the way a man wants it; “no” and “don’t

do that” feature only as official foreplay. Otherwise, it’s all systems go! And

trust me, men’s fantasies are more “f**k me” than “make love to me”.

Luckily, most are too cheap to pay for what they can get for free.

And because no woman wants her man shagging prostitutes, we must, like it or

not, start seeing sex from the male perspective.

We can’t indulge all fantasies. But heck, why freeze when dirty

talk features you as the “whore”?

It’s just sex and your man would appreciate it spicy and varied –

and I am not talking going from page 12 to 25 of the Karma Sutra.

Think lap-dances, raunchy PDA, being on your local sex-shop’s speed

dial, being open minded to the point of shocking him into begging you to take it

easy and being more spicy than Durban’s cuisine.

After all, you will be breaking your boundaries and maximizing your

sexual pleasure. It can only lead to great orgasms.

What man will accuse you of being a prude when your repertoire

includes poles, swings, pubic affirmation of his bedroom prowess (ego dears,

ego!) and such?

I figure, giving it before he asks for it means you never have to

do things you are not comfortable with.

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